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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH - Hours "getting ready"

120 replies

cheshireagain · 09/09/2018 14:25

I literally can't stand it.
I take anything from 10-30 mins depending on what I'm doing.

First born DS is 7 months and so I'm used to doing the bare minimum to get ready.

DH can take up to an hour to do a poo... I'm not joking!
And then shaves...
And then showers...
And then irons a shirt...
And then potters around doing hair/aftershave etc etc

I used to have terrible anxiety and depression and this routine every weekend really pushes my buttons.

I'm sat here waiting to go out (to visit my mum) and I've taken the baby for a walk/changed/fed/done dishwasher/washing etc.

Am I just being a princess?!?!

OP posts:
LyndorCake · 09/09/2018 14:27

Just tell him to hurry up?

I don't mean to be insensitive here but how does your DH getting ready have an impact on your mental health? Genuine question.

Arrowfanatic · 09/09/2018 14:28

Nope, yanbu that would drive me mad as well. My dh has a habit of leaving everything to the last minute so I'm ready to go and he's just getting in the shower (and then he turns the shower on and let's it run for ages before getting in) but overall he's pretty good.

Thehop · 09/09/2018 14:28

Jesus he’d drive me potty

Give him a time to look after baby whilst you get ready and give him a time you need to leave the house.

He’ll have to get up early if he wants to fanny about like a teenager

NotSoThinLizzy · 09/09/2018 14:29

Don't even get me started on the whole men pooping my OH is the same like they are training for an Olympic sport I dunno 😂 you could tell him you wanna go out at an earlier time so he starts earlier?

NothingOnTellyAgain · 09/09/2018 14:31

Lyndor I suspect as she is having to wait / making her late / repeatedly askign when he will be ready to go / maybe having got the baby into coat shoes etc and then havign to hang around indoors and then their nappy needs doing / a million things.

My DH takes hours to take a shit as well so I feel your pain on that one.

Littlemissdaredevil · 09/09/2018 14:39

It pisses me off that I have minimal time to get ready and have to get DD ready plus breakfast plus tidy up whilst DH leisure gets ready. I used to sit by the door but that didn’t do it so I now go and get in the car and take DD and put the engine on at that seems to have an effect!

Eminybob · 09/09/2018 14:41

My dh does this too. It fucks me off no end. He also disappears upstairs to “do his exercises” several times a day Hmm

If we are going out, and I say we need to leave no later than x o’clock, then he will spend an hour plus faffing about upstairs then saunters down at exactly x o’clock.

madcatladyforever · 09/09/2018 14:45

Still sounds better than my ex H who would spend all his free time taking photos of himself in the mirror in various ridiculous outfits. Didn't ever take any pics of the family. There must have been hundreds of pics of himself on his PC. He wasn't even good looking.

ferrier · 09/09/2018 14:47

Just tell him what time you're going. Tell him there'll be no flexibility. And then go.

LeftRightCentre · 09/09/2018 14:52

Just start leaving without him.

JessicaJonesJacket · 09/09/2018 14:55

Agree a time that you're leaving. Then he knows to start an hour before that and you know to start ten minutes before it.

Shazafied · 09/09/2018 14:56

Yup my husband used to blow dry his hair for up to an hour while I tie mine back and deal with the baby and go out looking like shit. I got fed up and started saying "I'm going out at xxx time, come if you want" and just leaving if he was fannying about.

BunnyCarr · 09/09/2018 14:56

Leave him behind.

Original poster
cheshireagain · 09/09/2018 14:59

So glad this isn't just me!
We have only just left the house Sad

OP posts:
Gemini69 · 09/09/2018 15:01

no way.. I'd have left as soon as I was ready.... Flowers

bubbles108 · 09/09/2018 15:01

But why do you enable him? Just leave the house without him. The man's a twonk. Don't empower this behaviour.

happypoobum · 09/09/2018 15:02

I can't understand how you are tolerating this?

I would tell him I am leaving at xtime, and then do it. If he isn't ready, he doesn't come.

Inertia · 09/09/2018 15:03

He’s conveniently opting out of looking after the baby/emptying the dishwasher/ putting the laundry on /changing nappies etc. He arses about for two hours and hey presto, the childminder/ housework fairy has done it.

Mrsramsayscat · 09/09/2018 15:06

I used to have this when my children were small. Exactly that. I tolerated it for years, stupidly. Moaning produced no change.

Then I started to do what Shazafield does- give a time then go anyway, and he bucked up his ideas, after a couple of mishaps.

FrangipaniBlue · 09/09/2018 15:06

If his faffing is making you late then YANBU. He needs to start getting ready in plenty of time.

But if he is already starting to get ready long enough before you need to leave the house so that you aren't late then sorry, but YABU!

I can get ready for work in under 30mins but if I'm getting dressed up for an event I take hours because I don't like to be rushed. DH often nags me but I tell him to wisht because we are never late, and me getting ready upstairs while he watches tv for 2hrs has feck all impact on him!!

Are you clear with him about a specific time you need to leave? If you're not then you need to try that to start with, expecting someone to be ready at the same time as you is unreasonable if you haven't actually told them what time you are going to be ready.......

JoanFrenulum · 09/09/2018 15:07

Another vote for saying "I'm leaving at x time" and then doing it. Sometimes, if I'm feeling nice, I'll say the night before "I want to leave at 10.30, so you need to make sure to be up by 7 if you want to shave," but mostly I'm not that nice.

My dH has been pooing for 90m already today and LOL at op who says training for the olympics, YES

FrangipaniBlue · 09/09/2018 15:08

But obviously if you have given him a time and he still isn't ready then he is being a dick and just leave without him Grin

MissTeye · 09/09/2018 15:09

If you plan on being at your mum's (or wherever you're going) at 2pm, tell him you have to be there at 1pm. At least that way he'll start getting ready at 12 and you won't be late.

BewareOfDragons · 09/09/2018 15:09

You'll notice that he just got out of all the household and child chores by lollygagging about primping.

All of them.

Which meant you did them. And your own preparations to go out.

That's really shit of him, frankly. He's shirking his share of responsibilities. I'd let him have it.

SingedChinchilla · 09/09/2018 15:10

What the fuck is it with these people?!

My husband is a serial faffer and has been found mowing the lawn 2 minutes before we need to be somewhere. He has absolutely no concept of time and zero organisational skills (although funnily enough this is a different story at work). Taking a shit seems to be like a little holiday for him - he takes his phone and a book so he can relax for 30 minutes while I'm downstairs wiping up snot and picking Cheerios off the floor. He also spends 20 minutes in the shower - HOW?!

His whole family are the same and since we've had children it's made me angrier as none of them seem to understand we are restricted to doing things at certain times to fit in naps/feeds etc.

Drives me bloody mad.

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