DH - Hours "getting ready"

[cheshireagain]

I literally can't stand it.
I take anything from 10-30 mins depending on what I'm doing.

First born DS is 7 months and so I'm used to doing the bare minimum to get ready.

DH can take up to an hour to do a poo... I'm not joking!
And then shaves...
And then showers...
And then irons a shirt...
And then potters around doing hair/aftershave etc etc

I used to have terrible anxiety and depression and this routine every weekend really pushes my buttons.

I'm sat here waiting to go out (to visit my mum) and I've taken the baby for a walk/changed/fed/done dishwasher/washing etc.

Am I just being a princess?!?!

DH thinks it takes him 30 minutes to get ready to go out including showering. It doesn't it takes 45-50 minutes, so I lie and tell him we need to leave before we do and if he's faffing on his phone just say are you getting in the shower? I'm leaving in x minutes. It's also not an excuse for not doing jobs, he doesn't leave enough time to do the dishwasher for example, I'm not doing it, it'll be there when he gets in. This approach over a few years has resulted in him getting up earlier and getting things done and himself ready much quicker and almost always on time, this is the man who used to take a cup of tea into the shower when we had an over the bath one, he'd poke his head out to drink it. I know it takes me an hour from waking to leaving the house to shower and get ready, so I give myself 90 minutes including other jobs I'll need to do. It's just basic scheduling.

I laughed at some of the stories on thread but really, it's not funny. I bet these men get to work on time, and don't miss flights. Or start times for sports.

It's taking a dump in a different way isn't it. Dumling work and mental load onto wife. In an I don't care the wife can wait/I can't be bothered, I'll go up for some bog 'me time' she will sort the house stuff, prep, DCs etc.

I'm curious as to what would happen if women routinely spent an hour on the loo. You'd never manage it without him knocking on door asking WHAT you're doing, or be barraged with other house/DCs stuff/have you seen so n so I can't find it questions, until you came out and never tried to pull that trick again.

Fair enough on them if nothing much is happening, but to delay days/nights out, and/or opt out of helping with prep as in you could get DCs ready but he can do the other stuff eg sorting breakfast ready, loading the car etc - is just wearing and selfish.

Only took one time for my Dh to get a shift on. He didn't preen for an hour, but he faffed about doing crap making me and Ds wait only one child at the time
Then he did it when we were going out to Sunday lunch, my parents picking us up on the way. Whined, moaned and faffed. I told him we are leaving in 30 mins (or whatever it was) I got whine whine. So I left it. Then shouted from the front door, "See you later, were off to the lunch" Didn't wait for a reply, closed the dor and left. It was a looong lunch too. LOL He never tried that again. When I say we need to leave at whatever time, he's ready.

well done Troels!

All of you saying 'just turn off the wifi' what good will that do? 99% of people have 4G so will just use their data instead!

I once helped out a friend with this problem. She was in the church choir, so needed to be at 9:15 rehearsal for 10:00 service, so DH , if he came as well, had to hang around for a bit (only one car). This worked well until a lively(!) toddler was added to the mix, at which point he would start the "escape to the loo" routine, leaving her stranded, and embarrassingly late for rehearsal. So I offered her a lift, and of course that meant he could come along a bit later in the family car, and toddler could stay with him. He wasn't keen on that bit of the proposed arrangement, but as he was ensconced, literally with pants down, when I called to give the lift, a cheery reminder through the bathroom door as she exited that he was now on Daddy duty and she's see him later at church, improved his timekeeping no end......

Give him a time to be ready and then leave the house ten mins after this. Every time. With or without him. He will catch on.

DH thinks it takes him 30 minutes to get ready to go out including showering. It doesn't it takes 45-50 minutes

Mine too. It's a running joke that 20 minutes before we have to leave to go somewhere important, he'll decide he needs a shave (which is quite a performance - he doesn't shave much).

If he has to take the kids somewhere of course it's even worse - he still thinks he can be out of the door in 30 mins, and he'll decide with 10 mins to go that the kids should have a shower.

I can get the kids and me out in 10 mins if I have to- but that's because I prioritise, and skip anything not strictly necessary (brushing hair or whatever)

Omg I feel your pain! Sadly it seems genetic and my dc are like it too!!!!

I swear if we get to the front door one more time and someone needs a poo, forgot to clean their teeth etc there may be blood!

My dh also thinks it only takes him half an hour to get ready, starts when there are 20 mins until we leave and takes at least an hour!!!

This is a known controlling tactic by men who simply want you to know they are in control. There's nothing like controlling your time, proving he's more important, showing that he doesn't care about your family, showing he isn't going to be told what to do.

My ex did this all the time. I frequently was waiting for him. Then suddenly he's ready and can't understand why I've turned the TV on or got out a book. So the fault was turned on me and when it was questioned why we were late it was like " oh, she decided she wanted to watch something on tv..."

I’ve often suspected that my dh does this as a control thing. Same as he always seems to need to go to the toilet as I’m about to dish up dinner.
It bugs the hell out of me, not enough for me to LTB, as he is great in most other areas, but yes a controlling arse in some ways.

I'm not aware of any male-specific physiological reason as to why from moment when brain says "I need a shit" to point of actual expulsion should be more prolonged that that of a female? From an evolutionary point of view, I'd have said it's bad news as a man risks enemy attack whilst doing long poo session. My theories are:-

1. men might like the pooing sensation
2. men linger longer than women in case there's more 'upstream'
3. in centuries gone by, men had smoking rooms, male only Working clubs, sheds or a 1950's house wife that served dinner and left them alone......those 'spaces' have diminished and the bog is the only refuge that's left for them. 😁

Men do not take an hour to poo. They're purposefully stalling for time to avoid doing things round the house

I think you're looking into it a bit too deeply, Tinkobell. I've known women who take ages too. It's just because they're attached to their smartphones and can't be bothered to get up and leave the bathroom.

This thread makes me despair. "LOL my husband takes over an hour to shit, shower and shave, while I parent and do the housework, and then I have 7 minutes to get myself ready"

No. Just no.

We're going out at 12, it's half 9 - I'm having a bath, here's the baby, either empty the dishwasher or hoover, see you in an hour.

Do not enable! Do not enable!

Ugh it’s just selfish, controlling behaviour. I’ll just take my sweet time fucking about, even though I’m effecting the rest of the family, because I CAN. It’s all about me, me, me. Everyone else can just wait for me. Hate entitled behaviour and there’s no way I would live with someone like that.

Something tells me when these Nigels need to poo at work thy don't take an hour. Wouldn't want to get bollocked and be seen to being incompetent but sod the wife and kids he doesn't mind being incompetent around them.

My DH definitely disappears to the bog to get some peace and quiet away from the kids. If I’m feeling particularly resentful I’ll send DD up to pretend she needs the bathroom

As for your situation OP, he’s taking the piss.

Feed the bugger more fibre.

I’ve often suspected that my dh does this as a control thing. Same
as he always seems to need to go to the toilet as I’m about to dish
up dinner.

Mine never hears me yell that I am dishing up, so I just leave his in the nearest breeze to cool down quicker. If he wants cold food then fab. If he didn't want cold food he should listen.
He does take a while to get ready, but not an hour shite, however he seems to think anywhere is just 5 minutes away. So we inevitably leave a whole 5 minutes before we need to be at the place 20/35/50 minutes away. It's nothing I much care about so I don't fret. If it's something I care about I make my own arrangements.