DH - Hours "getting ready"

[cheshireagain]

I literally can't stand it.
I take anything from 10-30 mins depending on what I'm doing.

First born DS is 7 months and so I'm used to doing the bare minimum to get ready.

DH can take up to an hour to do a poo... I'm not joking!
And then shaves...
And then showers...
And then irons a shirt...
And then potters around doing hair/aftershave etc etc

I used to have terrible anxiety and depression and this routine every weekend really pushes my buttons.

I'm sat here waiting to go out (to visit my mum) and I've taken the baby for a walk/changed/fed/done dishwasher/washing etc.

Am I just being a princess?!?!

I can shower, wash my hair, put cream on and be dressed in the space of time it take for dh to shower. Don’t get me started on pooing. What really pissed me off when dd was little was that he had to have privacy for his bowel movements so he wasn’t available. 🙄

We have this problem. Remove all mags, iPads etc from the loo. Tell him he will get piles if he plonks his arse on a loo seat for that long. Give him senocot for a faster dump.
DH Takes 15 mins max which I consider a long time. An hour is ridiculous. I'm guessing he's mucking around reading etc. I've always noticed that DH is ready on time for work / work appointments etc....not tied up taking a dump. So it can be done. He's just deprioritising and hiding from the chores. Selfish I'm afraid.

This sounds familiar-DH’s dad is just the same. We are constantly waiting for him. He is never late for things he’s organised though...

They only take hours to poo if there's something medically wrong or they want to skive off household duties, caring for kids etc, according to my dh and ds anyway.

I think having a baby has given me way less patience for DHs faffing. It's the lack of respect for other people's time.

My DH is becoming more and more of a faffer since turning 50. Drives me absolutely insane, especially if I'm stuck waiting for the bathroom behind him. And he has this routine he follows every ruddy day. It takes him longer and longer to get ready each morning. By the time he's retired, I can see it being 6pm before he's out of the bathroom and he'll be ready to get back into bed.
Sigh.

thenightsky
I have noticed this length of time shitting thing has got worse since the invention of the smart phone oddly hmm

It's a shame you can't treat them as a child and remove their smart phone before they go to the loo.

Come to think of it, there's not much difference between some of these men and children so try it

Two things I would do, since I really wouldn't have any time for this shit:

1. Tell him what time we need to leave, and leave without him if he's not ready by then.

2. Tell him that I will need the same amount of child-free time as however long he spends "getting ready". So if he takes 3 hours, I would tell him he needs to take baby for three hours later that day so I can also have some time to myself like he gets.

My DH is like this too. Every weekend when we are trying to get ready to get out the house, I can fed both kids, tidy the kitchen, load the dishwasher, get both kids washed and dressed and pack the changing bag in the time it takes him to do a poo and have a shower.

I then get left with ten minutes to get myself ready before the kids start climbing the walls downstairs. I wouldn’t mind so much but when I go upstairs, he hasn’t even tidied up so I have to do that as well - make the beds, pull the curtains, bring down empty mugs,dirty nappies etc.

¿So why do you put up with it, PrimeraVez?

Does he take as long getting ready for work?

If he can leave for work on time, he can treat you with the same respect. By choosing to keep you waiting he's telling you that you and your plans are unimportant.

I agree with those saying tell him in advance what time you're leaving, and leave then with or without him.

Hand him the baby, then go to have a 90 minute sit on the toilet followed by a nice long bath. Ideally do this at your partner’s preferred meal time. Also make sure you do this each and every time he wants to go somewhere. Or find something you urgently need to buy from the shop and take an hour over it. Either he will find this unacceptable, in which case you can have the conversation about how YOU feel. Or else you get more time to yourself. Either way, you can’t go on as you are.

he is doing it so that he doesn't have to get too involved in family life.
If he can get to work without doing this, why does he do it with you?

I had an ex that spent longer getting ready than I did. And there were no children involved. It used to do my bloody head in.

Switch the router off about 3 minutes after he goes into the toilet. Thats enough time for him to be settled and in motion that he wouldnt get off the toilet to switch it back on and return to his poo so he should complete the job and get back to his day life a little sharper :D

I simply refuse to believe it takes an hour to shit. Even with hideous constipation I was never in there more than 10 mins. If he insists it takes an hour he needs to up his fibre & water intake and see a doctor - or admit he’s massively taking the piss on his phone.
I would simply say ‘I’m going at x time, if you want to come make sure you’re ready’.

need yeh, we all know they arent actually shitting for an hour...

yes you need to rephrase it and change yours and his mind set.

Just as needa said, say ' I am going out at 11, it would be lovely if you came' or similar. Then at 11, just leave.

You have two options. I choose one or the other depending on my mood:

1-sit on your arse until he's ready, then get up and start yourself. Don't just delay it until you think he's almost ready and then start, he'll stretch it out when he sees you've started so he's ready last. Yes, you'll probably be late, but it can be worth it.

2-go ahead and get ready, but then sit back and relax. Have something to do; make a tea/coffee, turn on the telly, grab a book, knit, whatever you do to relax. If he asks what you're doing, just say 'waiting for you'. Then when he's ready and waiting, go for a wee. I guarantee it'll drive him nuts.

Yes, this is all very PA. But so is faffing about when you know your OH will be ready and waiting for you. DH and I have been married 30+ years. He's much better than he was in the early years. And it's also easier when you aren't trying to keep DC clean and tidy and ready to go whilst waiting.

PP are right! There is a third option.

Leave when you and DC are ready.

NotSoThinLizzy at the thought of pooping being an Olympic sport! Love your user name btw. Were you a fan by any chance?

How long does it take him to get ready for work?

He chooses to be a dick, you choose to enable it.

My husband is like this too, up to three times a day.

I don't know why you don't say the night before "We are going to Tom and Ophelia's barbecue/the Steam Museum/little friend Xavier's birthday party tomorrow. Need to leave at 9, do you reckon? Do you want to be in the bathroom first or shall I? Baby will likely be up 6.30 as usual, do you want to do her breakfast and get the bag sorted while I get ready, then I'll play with her while you get ready..."

Such boring conversations! but we started having them the second the baby was born. I can't see why one of you just gets up and sorts self and baby, without making even an effort to make it fair.

What happens on a workday morning?