What would you call your exes wife??

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New wife? Second wife? Wife is just fine thanks!

Im not insecure/needy/need to get out more, just wish the poison that comes out of exes mouth could be channelled elsewhere for a while.

Straw that broke my back!

That Poor Woman.

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Idontbelieveinthemoon thank you for such a beautiful post and the way it should be, especially if young children are involved. It is the same as having a child come to your house for play/tea/sleepover - they are welcomed and treated as one of the family and given love. I didn't feel this way at first, I am rather ashamed to admit but managed to when I asked for help. OP sort of get where you're coming from ... and I sometimes think if I described my husband as "current" it could be interpreted as I was thinking of more after him which I am definitely not! as to me... note sure. Good that you are hands on with your husband's children and are "mum"/helpful person as well as dad when they are with you. Surely children need as many positive adult role models as they can see in their lives?

Butterface suits my exH's current wife. He left me and our 3 DC, one of whom has SN, after I found out about their affair after 22 years together. She has left 3 husbands and is now married to my exH. I only call her butterface in my head. She has never met me, I have seen some photographs of her and we have been divorced for 7 years.

I'm not 'allowed' to drop my DSs at their house in case she had to see me. I think she feels really guilty about their affair and has chosen to avoid having to think about me. I am dreading future weddings etc.

They seem really happy. She's been married to my exH for nearly 5 years which is her longest marriage, I understand.

My DC call her by her first name. That's how I refer to her to them. She's fairly nice to them, they don't dislike her. They see them EOW. They don't feel that their dad's house is home, though. They are not allowed their own keys, and DS1 was told when he asked, that it's because he doesn't live there, just visits. Her own young son is with them one week in two. I wonder if he has a key? If he 'just visits?' But I don't ask.

I am quite bitter. I didn't deserve the way I was treated. I understand he fell out of love with me, had a mid life crisis or whatever but he followed the script to the letter, lied to me and tried to make me think I was paranoid, that I was simply unlovable and finally told me that he didn't care how much he had hurt me.

I think calling his current wife, the OW, 'butterface' to myself is just a small act of spite and you should hear what I call exH to myself.

People-If you have kids with your ex, how will it make them feel if you rubbish their dad's new partner?
Stay neutral. If she is a cow they will work it out for themselves and will come to you. If not they will feel guilty for liking her and it will drive a wedge between you.
(My ex's new woman seems as flaky as him and the kids are figuring that out, no need for me to diss anyone)

Teresa...she must be a bloody saint 😇

*Your whole relationship to the child is predicated on fucking their dad and not having given birth to them"

Nasty, nasty post. How disgusting some people are. EVERYONE has history, just because a man has a child with a person and then gets with someone else after a break-up from then on their relationships are based on fucking? You are disgusting..I hate this forum sometimes, the hate and vitriol against step-mums is so upsetting. I AM another parent to my step-daughter, I AM a step-MUM. Get off your self-appointed pedastals.

This has made me so upset I can't even spell properly.. pedestal and also bold fail with my quote.

Honestly I hate the step Mum term. I personally would never ever refer myself to someone else’s children as their mum , step or otherwise. I’ve always seen it as “stepping up as a mother” - but in most cases the mother is still very much involved in raising the children.

Mrs well you’ve got him now I hope it was worth it and thanks for all the fun.
Bit long?

Idontbelieveinthemoon

Not as anything?
So much energy wasted for no reason. It's not a good look to go on about an exes wife or a DH's ex, if there's bad feeling there then their name shouldn't be in your mouth or in your mind

I agree idont. I'm so grateful mine have love in their lives instead of bitterness and resentment

Unfortunate.

If me ex’s partner materialises (she exists or existed last year, but she has not made an appearance in the kids’ lives), I will do my best never to refer to her at all.

But then my ex is a lying, cheating, manipulative bastard, who is at present walking all over me boundary wise, and who for many years was unkind to me.

2nd wife or his next punch bag

I don't think step mum applies if the kids are over a certain age really.

Psycho, nanny McPhee or Snaggletooth!

I AM another parent to my step-daughter, I AM a step-MUM. Get off your self-appointed pedastals.

You are not a parent to that child. It has two parents.
That's just ridiculous, you don't get to appoint yourself a parent.

I would be very unimpressed if after pushing a human out of my vagina some other adult who happened to be married to my ex decided they were equally a parent to me. I imagine equally if after changing 3 sets of nappies and not sleeping for nearly a decade that Dh would be be somewhat about another man calling himself our children's parent.

Pretty much the only time that wouldn't be the case is if the mother or father died or fucked off and that person adopted the child.

I would be very unimpressed if after pushing a human out of my vagina some other adult who happened to be married to my ex decided they were equally a parent to me

Whereas I pushed a person out of my vagina and I would be quite happy for my DD’s stepmum to consider herself a parent. I certainly do!

I don't want to be referred to as his ex-wife, as that feels too close to me. I don't like "wife" being a part of the story there. I'm just me and she's his wife.

If I can just be clear, I don't want to be a parent to my husband's children. I'm quite happy with the role I have, to support him with them if needed. I do feed them, wash their clothes, help them with homework, etc but I do not wish to be their parent, they already have two, nor do I love them like a parent. I am fond of them and would always want the best for them, but love - no i'm afraid not. It's mutual, they don't love me and I don't expect them to.

The term "stepmum" is a term widely used, it doesn't necessarily mean the owner of that term wants to be a "mum". Some of us are quite happy to leave parenting to actual parents.

It always surprises me when the ex gets ridiculously over protective of the kids and wants to stop me "parenting". It's so far from where I want to be.

Sarah or whatever her first name is? Brians wife (if talking of her to somebody who doesn't know her directly )

Usually just refer to her by her name. If I'm talking to someone who doesn't know who she is, I'd say X's wife, or 'My ex's wife'. She's not his 'new wife' as they've been married a while now. And she's not his 'second wife' as we never married (we have DC though).

I wouldn't refer to my exhs girlfriend as step mum. She has been with him since may and lives with him. She barely speaks to my son, he doesn't even know what job she does.

On a night when at his dad's, my son sits in one room with her son and exh and his girlfriend sit in another room.

She can marry him. They will both be a pair of cunts. Just married cunts.

Fwiw to my son I call her by her first name though. I don't call them cunts to my son for obvious reasons.

How does this work when the "new" wife has been married far far longer than the first? My DH "ex wife" and he were only married 18 months, we have been married 22 years. Am I still the "new wife".