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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

What would you call your exes wife??

168 replies

Lifeadminatwork · 08/09/2018 14:06

New wife? Second wife? Wife is just fine thanks!

Im not insecure/needy/need to get out more, just wish the poison that comes out of exes mouth could be channelled elsewhere for a while.

Straw that broke my back!

OP posts:
sulflower · 08/09/2018 15:23

My husband's ex wife calls me by my name, we are on good terms and often socialise when it's a family occasion (they have children, older now though). They were divorced a long time before I met her and as far as I know she doesn't badmouth me Grin. I actually like the woman, in other circumstances we would be good friends I think.

AjasLipstick · 08/09/2018 15:24

Jacques as long as a child has a good Mother living and active in their life, then no other woman can be their Mother.

Step or not. They can be a positive influence in their life but to tack "Mother" onto their title isn't appropriate.

I know it's become common to call Father's new wives StepMother but they're not a Mother to that child.

They're just not.

YeTalkShiteHen · 08/09/2018 15:24

I call her by name when talking to her or DS1, and DS1s SM if talking about her to someone else.

JacquesHammer · 08/09/2018 15:26

*Step or not. They can be a positive influence in their life but to tack "Mother" onto their title isn't appropriate.

I know it's become common to call Father's new wives StepMother but they're not a Mother to that child.

They're just not*

I don’t agree at all. As far as I’m concerned my daughter has three parents.

Muddlingalongalone · 08/09/2018 15:28

My ex isn't married to her, but I just use her name if I'm talking to the children, ex's gf if I'm describing her to someone who doesn't know her or the tart to my very closest friends & family.
PMSL at unlucky though😂

TwistedStitch · 08/09/2018 15:29

The term stepmum has definitely become devalued. There are posts on here all the time from women who have been dating men a matter of months referring to themselves as stepmum. It now seems to be a term used for anyone who dates a man with kids.

therealimposter · 08/09/2018 15:30

The temp.

1tisILeClerc · 08/09/2018 15:31

After being married 30 years, going to the supermarket only for myself would freak me out, trying to work out what the heck I wanted just for me.

1tisILeClerc · 08/09/2018 15:32

'current wife'?

stellabird · 08/09/2018 15:33

I call my ex's wife Leigh, and my husband's ex as Robyn. I don't describe myself or them as step mothers , mainly because the kids were all older when the partner swaps happened. I get along fine with both of them.

ShotsFired · 08/09/2018 15:35

If she was an OW, Wendy?

HesterMacaulay · 08/09/2018 15:38

So you are upset that she refers to you as his current wife or second wife to other people not to you or in your hearing?
I'm not sure why that is a problem?

Idontbelieveinthemoon · 08/09/2018 15:42

Step or not. They can be a positive influence in their life but to tack "Mother" onto their title isn't appropriate.

I disagree entirely. Ex and I split when DS1 was 5 months old. I met now DH when DS1 was young and he's always called him by his name. Then DS2 arrived and within a year or so, DS1 had begun switching between "Dad" and "name". I explained to Ex that DS1 wasn't doing it to hurt anyone, that DH and I hadn't ever encouraged it, and that we'd let it go, knowing that DS1 knows who his Dad is. We're now many years on and DS1 calls them both Dad. It doesn't devalue his love or bond with Ex, and fortunately Ex was never concerned with anything but DS1's happiness, and was always thankful that DH was able to be "Dad" when he wasn't there.

I know it's become common to call Father's new wives StepMother but they're not a Mother to that child.

And now that Ex has married his DW, DS1 has a woman who loves him, cares for him, nurtures him when I'm not there. On Mothers Day for the past 7 years he's chosen her a card and gift with me, this year he said to me "she's my Mum when I'm not with you" and instead of hating her or feeling put out, I am eternally grateful that Ex has found a woman who cherishes my firstborn. There's no question over who DS1's parents are; it's all four of us. We've all loved him. We've all had to give him rollockings. We've all wiped his head when he has a migraine. We've all celebrated his successes and I'd like to think we'll all be there the day he marries, the day he graduates, the day he becomes a Father, celebrating brithdays, christmases and everything in-between.

There's more than one way to raise a child. There's more than one way to be a Mother. DS1's Step-Mother deserves her title, deserves my respect and deserves honouring just as any other Mother does.

ShalomJackie · 08/09/2018 15:42

Why do the joint acquaintances feel the need to inform you what she calls you unless to be goady?

JacquesHammer · 08/09/2018 15:42

There's more than one way to raise a child. There's more than one way to be a Mother. DS1's Step-Mother deserves her title, deserves my respect and deserves honouring just as any other Mother does

^absolutely this.

ohreallyohreallyoh · 08/09/2018 15:44

What annoys me more is when step mums refer to their step kids mum as “birth mother”

Yeah, I hate that one. It is particularly horrible when prefixed, as it always seems to be, with ‘the’.

TheFishInThePot · 08/09/2018 15:45

I always think "Stepmum" is for a woman who'se completely replaced the birth Mother. So if the birth Mother was dead or ran away....and the Dad remarried and the new woman would then be the stepmother.

Me too. My partner would never be my child's Stepdad either, he has a Dad.

Skyejuly · 08/09/2018 15:47

I also call her unlucky 🤣

EK36 · 08/09/2018 15:50

Ex's wife.

BitOutOfPractice · 08/09/2018 15:52

I call her by her name. Or Rob’s girlfriend. They’re not married. Nor is he called Rob but you know what I mean.

mikeTV · 08/09/2018 15:57

Butterface is horrible. There's no need to insult peoples' physical appearance.

Lifeadminatwork · 08/09/2018 15:59

My post wasn’t about the step mum bit but thanks for some interesting views, that’s actually more interesting than the actual post! 😂

I don’t consider myself their mum step or otherwise, I just help their dad.

OP posts:
RibbonAurora · 08/09/2018 16:03

Why do you care what your DH's ex-wife calls you? How do you even know what she calls you? You are coming across very defensive and insecure to me. Just ignore her.

HesterMacaulay · 08/09/2018 16:04

Could you clarify why it's a problem OP?
If she refers to you as new wife or second wife it's not exactly insulting is it?

sprinklesandsauce · 08/09/2018 16:06

I refer to her as current wife as it’s her third marriage in around 14 years.

A step parent is the spouse of your parent, that’s the dictionary definition. People can feel differently but that is the actual meaning.