To find a 49 yo man dating a 19 yo girl creepy?

[NatVoll]

I am aware of the fact that "this is none of my business and yada yada", but come on!

Family friend, aged 49, just announced he has a new girlfriend. She is 19. I am horrified, but my sister thinks there is nothing weird about it.

AIBU to think that a 49 yo man dating a 19 yo girl is absolutely creepy?

How many of these comments are acceptable?

Which comments are they then @whycantwegoonasthree the ones that YOU don't agree with?

As a few posters have said, whilst you don't find people having the AUDACITY to disagree with you 'acceptable,' many people don't find it acceptable for a man of almost FIFTY to be dating a teenager. And no, they WOULDN'T be very likely to have anything in common. What are they gonna do? Take pouty selfies together, and upload them to instagram, put bloody TOWIE on, and then go on the piss at the local cocktail bar with her teeny mates?! Be serious FFS.

And how EXACTLY would people feel if their 19 year old DAUGHTER dated a man of nearly 50? You'd be fine with it would ya?

NO! You would not. So don't even pretend you would. Just don't!

It's weird and creepy, and I seriously think a man of 50 dating a 19 y.o. girl is seriously questionable. As has been said, most normal 50 y.o. men do not aspire to dating a teenager. And most normal teenage girls do not aspire to dating a man who is bordering on being old enough to be her grandad.

I would actually question what had happened in the life of this girl to make her want to date a man who is 30 years older than her. And as I said, I would definitely be questioning HIS motives!

And yeah I called a 19 y.o a GIRL! So shoot me.

And yeah I WOULD say the same if it was a 19 y.o. BOY dating a 50 y.o. woman!

And yeah, the 19 y.o. IS more than likely to be the older person's carer in 20-25 years time. As I said, fuck that!!!

Judgemental ??? Moi?

Yes. So fucking what?

Pan - I am not saying I disagree! It is just how it happened that I am stating. You are jumping to all sorts of conclusions.

Fact is that at the point he knew it was legal, she met him in a nightclub, she lied because she knew he wouldn't be interested in a 15 yo, he lied as he assumed a 17 yo would think he was too old, no one thought they were doing anything illegal but he was totally in the wrong, it actually worked out ok and everyone was fine and had a nice life. She looked at least 20 to be honest, she was nearly 6ft not some tiny little school girl looking person so I genuinely don't think he had any idea. The fact that you or I think it is pretty grim is besides the point really, its no ones business, at that point it was legal.

I am fairly torn on this issue if I am honest, whilst I cannot understand why a 40 yo would have any interest in a 16 yo I can definitely understand it the other way round. At 18/19 I really believe it is not for other people to get involved in unless the person is being mistreated.

And no, they WOULDN'T be very likely to have anything in common. What are they gonna do? Take pouty selfies together, and upload them to instagram, put bloody TOWIE on, and then go on the piss at the local cocktail bar with her teeny mates?! Be serious FFS

I did absolutely none of those things when I was 19

You’ve got a very shallow view of 19 year olds if that’s all you think they’re interested in.

@whycantwegoonasthreee

You REALLY don't like people having different opinions to you do you?

A few posters hit a raw nerve for you have they?!

bingbong - I can assure you that nothing happened in my life to make me attracted to older men. Normal relationship with my dad etc, I just found older men sexy, young men I found unattractive and boring. People are all different.

Not being funny @jacqueshammer but when YOU were 19, there was no such thing as TOWIE and instagram PMSL!!!

What did you do then ??? At 19? Go to Art galleries and museums, read the telegraph, play golf and cricket, watch old telly from 25 years before you were born, and have an afternoon nap every day?

COURSE you did!

And no, they WOULDN'T be very likely to have anything in common. What are they gonna do? Take pouty selfies together, and upload them to instagram, put bloody TOWIE on, and then go on the piss at the local cocktail bar with her teeny mates?! Be serious FFS

Good god, ageism much?

Well if you are attracted to a man biologically old enough to be your grandad, then good for you!!!

But don't get all pissy when people think it's weird and creepy.

People are entitled to think that.

And many people do.

Better learn to live with that!

bingbongnoise

"And how EXACTLY would people feel if their 19 year old DAUGHTER dated a man of nearly 50? You'd be fine with it would ya?

NO! You would not. So don't even pretend you would. Just don't! hmm"

Well, as the offspring of a happy, equal, loving and supportive relationship with a 32 year age gap, I would' actually. If they seemed happy together and good for each other. I saw it work with my own parents - and my mum was a scant 2 years older than this woman when they moved in together.

I have two daughters. And I can assure you age won't be a factor when I'm considering whether or not I like any particular partner they might choose. I might attempt to dissuade them from fucking judgmental, ignorant and narrow minded people though. And I sincerely hope they'll make their own decisions anyway.

I personally met my husband when I was 35 and he was 85, it didn't stop our love. Although it was heavily judged by others. Remember ladies, age is just a number, unless it's in his wallet or his bank statement However, if she is uncomfortable then she should leave. A sugar daddy isn't for everyone.

I understand there are many relationships with age gaps which work well, but I think they tend to be stronger when you’re older (e.g. a 30 and a 50 year old isn’t the same as a 20 and a 40 year old). I know there are people who meet their older partner when they are young and they are happy and remember it fondly even if they split etc, but most women I know who dated older men when they were young have mixed feelings about it.

One concern I would have is you’re quite inexperienced then you don’t really know who you are yet, or what is necessarily acceptable or normal in relationships. If you’re dating a similarly aged person you learn this together and work your way through, but if one partner is significantly older and more experienced then they might take advantage of this inexperience to get away with more than they would with a similar aged partner.

Friends who dated older men in their teens all say this happened to them, if their boyfriend did something bad or upsetting they would twist it around and say the younger girlfriend was being childish and gaslight them a bit. It’s only when they got older they recognised this. And a few have said a red flag should’ve been why women his own age weren’t interested.

Of course I’m not saying this is every older man, but I do think it can be a problem.

bingbongnoise

I just don't like people who are judgey and unpleasant about people they've never met.

And this is a touchy subject for me - as my parents had all manner of horrible shit said about them - even when they'd been happily married for thirty years.

What did you do then ??? At 19? Go to Art galleries and museums, read the telegraph, play golf and cricket, watch old telly from 25 years before you were born, and have an afternoon nap every day?

I went to uni. I worked part time on a newspaper. I trained 2/3 times a week and played two matches each weekend - one on a Saturday and one on a Sunday.

I wasn’t interested in going out and getting wasted etc.

"What did you do then ??? At 19? Go to Art galleries and museums, read the telegraph, play golf and cricket, watch old telly from 25 years before you were born, and have an afternoon nap every day?"

Not far off that.

Substitute the Telegraph for the Guardian, and golf and cricket for classical music and yes, you've pretty much described me at 19. Maybe that's because I'm the product of a "creepy" relationship though.

Not all 19 year olds are the same. newsflash

Very weird OP

I was a mature 19 year old, already a parent and at uni. I wasn't dicking around yet I'm still a completely more evolved person 10 years later. Another 10 years of life experience might change me still.
It's an unequal playing field when one person has so many years and experience under their belt whilst another is barely into adulthood. I find it predatory.

I just don't like people who are judgey and unpleasant about people they've never met.

I imagine most people's views on the matter are based on personal observations of teenage / older man relationships that are rarely equal or healthy. That does not mean there are not exceptions, but certainly from what I have witnessed over the years they have largely been exploitative and controlling. I can't reiterate enough how suspicious I would feel about a late 40 something man seeking out the affections of a teenager and if one of my middle aged mates turned up with some A level student on his arm I would be asking what the hell he was playing at.

If it was my daughter I would be worried too, I’m sure most parents would be.

I dated and married a older man, it took me ages to realise we had nothing in common and life was pretty miserable living with someone who wanted to do nothing more with his life.

My uncle married a 19 year old when he was in his 50’s they had 2 children together, he recently died leaving her with 2 young children to raise, they loved each other dearly though, I guess it can work but I think it’s pretty rare.

I think it's weird and perverted. Mind you I know someone who is 42 and dating a 24 year old and I think that's disgusting also.

As Julie Burchill said- as long as there are old men not wanting to be old, there are young girls not wanting to be poor.....

I imagine most people's views on the matter are based on personal observations of teenage / older man relationships that are rarely equal or healthy. That does not mean there are not exceptions, but certainly from what I have witnessed over the years they have largely been exploitative and controlling.

I don't think anyone could really complain if people made comments at the level of 'I'd be concerned that this one might turn out to go the same way as many similar such relationships do'. But that is of course a different sort of comment than the ones that act as if it is a known thing that this specific relationship IS such-and-such way, or the ones calling it creepy, perverted, etc.

Quite JAPAB

Gottagetmoving I don't know.

JAPAB

For many people it is creepy, odd, predatory etc Why would you want to date a teenager when you are knocking on the door of 50?

There are lots of 18/19 year olds down my sports club, I can recognise they they are attractive, bright young women, I have even spent a fair bit of time coaching some of them, the idea of flirting with them let alone actually trying to date them just makes me feel quite queasy to be honest. To me, they are barely out of adolescence, sure they can buy a drink, drive a car, vote etc but lets not pretend that emotionally they are fully formed adults. I also strongly suspect that the welfare officer down my club would be pulling me to one side for questioning if word got out that I was dating one of the girls.

The people on the thread who have experience of much older exes seem to have had quite positive experiences.

I understand parents being wary but young people often have several short or medium term relationships with a wide range of people some that turn out better than others. A 19 year old can quite easily have an unhealthy relationship with another 19 year old.