To tell my DD3 to starve if nothing is good enough?

[sidesplittinglol]

Ok a bit OTT but she is driving me to the edge at the moment. No food is good enough for her. Meal times are so hard as she has limited me to the amount of food she will eat. She then complains she's hungry but won't eat anything that's good for her. She'd live on biscuits and chocolate if she could.

Things she won't eat:

Pasta
Cheese
Tomato sauce
Any type of meat
Potato (apart from chips)
Rice
Egg (only boiled)
All veg
Beans
Toast (hit and miss)

I'm not great at meal ideas as it is but I feel this list limits me so much.

I've tried to make the food fun and look nice but the second she sees something she doesn't like it sets the tone for the rest of the meal and she won't eat it.

Can anyone please suggest anything I can do or make.

How old is she?

How old?

Agree in principle but we need to know how old!

I always say in as bright a tone I can manage at the time, "You don't have to eat it, but there's nothing else".

DD (age 5) will leave it if she doesn't want it, or to make a point. That's up to her, then. I'e found that tying to coax, persuade or threaten her into eating makes her dig her heels in all the more, as it is one of the few things in her little life that she can control.

Doesn't stop me alternately seething and worrying inwardly though!

I generally favour serving food and if they aren't interested they don't eat, unless they're too young to understand.

A more conciliatory approach could be to take them to a library and ask them to choose something from a cookery book.

That's a very restrictive diet no wonder you are losing patience with her. Is she old enough to take responsibility to cook for herself?

Sorry she's 3 years old hence DD3. But I should have made it more clear sorry.

I assume she's 3 as in DD3, but I might be wrong!

Make sure there are no biscuits or chocolate for a start.
When I was a kid you ate what you got or bread and butter.
DH went to boarding school. He will eat stuff that nobody else would eat.

Oops x post!

It looks like she likes fruit?

Oven chips and boiled egg it is then every night.

I think received wisdom is a bit of something they like and something else.

Dessert isn't a treat for eating, it's part of the meal (even if that means fruit or yoghurt)

Limited time to eat then chucked.

Only toast or plain biscuits as offer for supper.

But yeah her age makes a huge difference to how much she could cook herself and tc

What does she eat?!

Is it a texture issue with food or a taste issue? Have you tried her on vegetarian food? (Soy meat substitutes, Quorn etc?)

Does she eat fish?

I have a 3yo. Pretty fussy. I put everything on her plate and say if she doesn't like something she should eat around it. I am was the same I'm better now!

I don't let mine snack. Treats are treats. There's as much fruit on offer as she likes though.

Sorry I assumed you meant she was your third daughter.

If she is 3 then I am afraid I would be giving her food and telling her that was her only option. She doesn't have to eat it but there wont be anything else. Does she often end up getting biscuits later in the evening if she hasn't eaten her tea?

I have the same problem with my nearly 7yo. It’s soul destroying. Will eat limited amounts of her very limited menu and then expect to be able to stuff her face with sugary shit afterwards. She is SO greedy for treats I feel like I spend my life saying no to her.

And then my mum waltzes in and will give her four different sweets/choc/whatever in the space of two hours. I feel like I spend a lot of time saying no to my mum, too

Aaaand breathe. I really sympathise OP.

Ah, cross-post, just saw she's 3 years old. Ignore my questions!

Sorry to sound harsh but you've allowed this situation to occur (assuming there are no additional needs?)

Here's dinner, take it or leave it

Something very basic as an alternative but absolutely no treats, reward her for trying new food

I don’t have any personal experience to draw on but I watched a programme about children who were fussy eaters and it really stuck with me how much difference it made when children were involved in the prepping of the meal. Some were as young as 3 as well :) obviously they can’t go near a hob or sharp knives, but they were shown what all the ingredients were and could watch what it was being made into. Probably makes them feel a bit proud that they “helped” as well so they’re less likely to turn it down. Worth a try maybe!

My ds is 3. He can take one look at it and declare he doesn’t like it. If this happens I say that’s fine, take his plate away and get him down from the table. He can have a banana before bed.
Sometimes I try ‘I bet you can’t eat that broccoli ......’ and sometimes he will. Or I say - that dinner is exactly what a T. rex would eat ...... and he loves dinosaurs so he will eat it.
No biscuits , crisps or afternoon snacks.

My kids all went through a stage like this. I’d just beeeziky say, “ok take it or leave it” They’d say leave it and I’d immediately put them on the floor with a smile while the rest of us sat round the table chatting and enjoying our food, ignoring any protests or tantrums however loud they were. If they said “I’m hungry” after, I’d re-present them with the food they refused. If they refused, I repeated step one.

The longest it lasted with any of them was just shy of a week. Nobody starved to death and no fussy kids now.

Ps I used to get really cross about the non eating thing but I soon realised however cross I got - he still wouldn’t eat it so I was wasting my energy!!

Should add that I’ve never taken a draconian approach because my DD is as stubborn as a mule and WILL starve herself rather than eat whatever “undesirable” food I put in front of her. Trying new foods is impossible to the point of massive anxiety, sobbing, retching etc.

I agree with a p.o.. when did she discover she can say no then be offered an alternative? Can you imagine in ye olde days a child saying no and refusing food? I doubt they'd ever refuse it again!

I would just keep offering food with no pressure attached. I have a 2 ds woth autism who have bad eating habits and that's the advice I got of a dietician.

As an adult who was an extremely “fussy” child (I ate rice crispies with milk, toast with butter, chips but only if my dad made them, and sometimes sausages. And that was it.) I can tell you the best advice is not to make this a battle of wills. You won’t win, and she won’t eat any better. Leave her to it. Make dinner as normal according to what you want to eat and serve it to her but always have one thing on the plate that she definitely will eat. Tell her she doesn’t have to eat anything she doesn’t want to but there are no alternatives and you won’t tolerate any face pulling or rude remarks about things being “disgusting” or whatever. Then leave her to it. Don’t make any reference to “come on DD, try this” or any “Mmm, my dinner is delicious” comments. Kids know when they’re being played or patronised. Completely ignore the fact there is an issue with her eating and just chat normally with her and your partner/ other kids. She is free to eat what she wants and leave what she doesn’t. Don’t make any comment if she doesn’t eat anything, don’t praise her for eating well unless she seeks the praise. Just ask her to clear her plate after dinner like everyone else. If she is hungry before bed she can have a piece of fruit or cereal/porridge.

My diet as a child was appalling and I have never been ill other than a cold here and there. Left to my own devices I started branching out around age 13 when I started eating out with friends.

I know it’s easier said than done but relax about this. It’ll be easier for everyone all round. And probably fix itself sooner too.