DD boyfriend is on the sex offenders register

[Brighton5555]

Just the title makes me feel sick.

My daughter is 16 and never had a boyfriend before. She met a young lad three months ago and told me he was 17. I was shocked because she kept him secret for the first month or so and she’s never had a boyfriend before.

I say shocked because it’s so not like her to keep things to herself but I do underdatand as her mother she’s not going to share every little detail of her life.

She had been seeing him a month when she told me about him. Then I find out he’s not 17 he’s 19. Then I find out this about him and I need advice.

She told me he is on the sex offenders register for 7 YEARS and he also has to visit a probation officer once a week during this time. She told me which is the story he told her that -

At college he got into a fight and hit someone ( I know it sounds like it’s getting worse ) and during the police investigation they searched his mobile phone where he states he had a couple of naked photos of his 17 year old girlfriend at the time. Due to her age ( I didn’t know 17 was classed as a minor ) and even though the girl agreed she sent them with her consent this is the reason my daughter tells me he is on the sec offenders register. I think she said something along the lines of a indecent image of a minor.

Something about this story just doesn’t make sense to me. I have all his details and am planning to go to my police station and just tell them what I have been told and that I’m really worried about the whole thing / is this young man a danger to children? My daughter ? Just because he says this is the reason doesn’t mean it is true.

They have been together 3 months now and this has only just come out. As much as she reassures me about the photos of a ex girlfriend and her being 17 and it ‘ not being that bad ‘ my gut tells me I think there is more to it.

Will the police think I’m overreacting?
Will they be able to at least warn me if he is considered a danger ?

I feel sick

Hope you find out what the full picture is.

When you are arrested for assault they don't normally go through your phone. I hope it's not as sinister as it sounds or that if it is your DD has the sense to run a mile.

A lad at my nieces school ending up on the register for sending nudes to underage girls and asking them to send them to him.........he shouldnt have done it but the lads life is fucked before it's even started.

Im sure they have to inform partners if theyre on the register ?? It's part of their treatment.

@AnoukSpirit’s post is worth thinking about:

“He's already been grooming her, hence her keeping the "relationship" secret and the unquestioning belief in his story.

Be very careful not to push her away from you and further towards him.

She won't see it the way you are; she will be thinking in terms of love and loyalty, so will most likely dig in with her defense of him.

Asking questions to get her thinking along the lines you are, to sow seeds, and give her ways to open up or voice niggling worries is much more likely to work than trying to ban her from seeing him or coming down harshly against him. She'll just keep it a secret again if you do that, and you really, really want her to feel able to come to you if anything gets worse or goes horribly wrong.

He's probably already been spinning her tales of "us against the world", so you'll play into his hands if you overtly try to split them up. She needs to be guided to her own decision if it's to be lasting.”

theconversation.com/sending-a-naked-selfie-can-be-a-criminal-offence-but-not-many-teenagers-know-this-84149
Yes, as many others have already said, it IS a criminal offence for him to have naked pictures of his 17yo girlfriend as it is classed as "child pornography" while she is under the age of 18.

I don't know about the SOR, but if they decided to make an example of him and give him a conviction for the photos, then the 7years sounds right.

The phone may be an incidental thing - they may have looked at it to see if there was filmed behaviour leading up to the assault, or he may have even directed them to look at the phone because there was something on there leading up to the assault, and they found the other photos purely accidentally. The parole officer visit is more likely to be to do with this assault than the photos.

I think it actually goes in his favour that he's told your DD about it; but of course you should still investigate further, in case he is withholding more serious details that could have a negative impact on your DD.

I'd also be concerned about the namechanging though!

@CherryPavlova just read your response. How awful when you look at it that way round! Did he also have to go on the register?

Good luck today op, thinking of you. Hope you got some sleep last night x

OP what a situation to be in, the last thing you want to do is drive your daughter into his arms, he obviously has done something serious either way.

Polpotnoodle gave information that seems to have gone under the radar

Hi - I work in this area so may be able to give some insight.

Foremost its completely feasible that he got a sentence for having pictures of a 17 year old particularly if they are explicit.

The Sex Offender Register is set by the court and is nothing to do with Probation so him seeing Probation is not because of that, its to do with reporting to Police.

Sentences given that are under 6 months have a maximum of 7 years on the SOR. If its over 6 months its a 10 year SOR, or indefinitely depending on crime.

If he hasnt been to prison then he may have received a sentence under 6 months to be served as a community order (sentences of this length will have extended Probation involvement beyond a licence period), and given a 7 year SOR.

I don't think 17 is a minor so I suspect she was a lot younger

16 and 17 are still classed as legal minors as they are legally children, in terms of sending nude pictures (classed as child porn until 18). Being a sex worker at age 17 is also still illegal and classed as child sexual exploitation until 18.

I'm not sure if it's already been said but please give your local probation office a ring and ask to speak to his Probation Officer (or go to the office). If he is on the SOR he will be managed by The National Probation Service (as you will probably find two different types of Probation when you google as some got privatised). Make it clear you are not after information but feel you have information they should know, this should get you past someone on reception.

They won't be able to give you any information however you can tell them all you know. If he has done anything he shouldn't by being in contact with your dd you might find the problem resolves itself. They will also have the appropriate links with the Police. (I would also go to the station and see what they say). I would explain that you are concerned that he is not being honest with your dd and this would ring alarm bells for any Probation Officer worth their salt.

Good luck OP - you sound like a fab Mum.

I used to work in the criminal justice system. I suspect he is on a suspended sentence, hence the length of time on the SOR and regular probation appointments. If he’d received a community order or lesser sentence he’d only be on the register for 5 years. If that’s right he’s done something serious enough to warrant a custodial sentence but the judge has been persuaded to suspend it. I’d be extremely surprised if his story was true - that kind of indecent image would be highly unlikely to land someone so young with a custodial sentence, even a suspended one. Unless he has a lot of previous convictions, of course, and even then he’d be going some to get a custodial sentence in those circumstances. He’s on the SOR and he’s being actively managed by probation. This does not sound good at all. If I had to take a punt, I’d say that he had more/higher category images. The fight is likely to be a red herring - the offence must have been a sexual one.

@sulflower but that post is slightly misleading.

I am always uncomfortable about armchair experts on these types of threads as it can become too confusing and potentially stop people seeking the advice they really need.

You're unlikely to get past reception in a probation office, you would have to tell the receptionist your concerns.

You're also not going to get much advice walking into the front counter of a police station because they are not trained, all they will do is complete a CSODS request and you'll be sent on your way to wait for further contact.

The photos would have been of an under 16

If he is on the register for 7yrs and weekly probation visits he must of done something pretty serious

Hi OP, you need to go to the police station and ask for a Sarah’s law disclosure. They will ask why and explain the situation.
www.sarsas.org.uk/sarahs-law/
Probation won’t tell you, GDPR and also to prevent malicious reasons.

If he does pose a danger to your DD they will disclose this to you (given her age) and you.

You will need ID to prove who you are.. it’s also not instant and will take a few days / week.

You can also ring 101 and an officer would come and see you to obtain details and also check your ID

This website may be of use? No idea if it’s accurate, but you may be able to search through last few years in your county or town. It shows photographs.

She’s 16. You need to put the relationship to her teachers and friends and give his parents a call.
And stop her seeing him. I wouldn’t be pussy footing around this at all. Stop giving her any money and paying for her phone. This is madness.

This won't make me very popular op, but do you know a couple of authoratative men who could pay a visit to the little creep and persuade him it's in his best interests to end the relationship?

Terrifying

@kungfupannda views seem pretty sound to me OP. Is it worth putting this to you DD directly, if only to give her some breathing space and frankly distance from him whilst you agree to establish the facts via police / probation. If he is breaching some terms the police ought to react straightaway.

If he's on the SOR he should have a police officer assigned to him to do the relevant visits (the frequency of these depends on his level of threat). He should be declaring his relationship with your daughter to them, I suspect he hasn't (perhaps that was part of the secrecy) as they would then have to do a risk assessment and if they believe your daughter needs to know about his past then they would tell her.

Go to the police station and speak to them. The people at the counter will be able to give you details of those you need to contact, or if it's like the one near me then the relevant person will come down and speak to you... but my local is the divisional HQ so that's where the public protection officers/sex offender managers are based.

@kungfupannda views seem pretty sound to me OP. Is it worth putting this to you DD directly, if only to give her some breathing space and frankly distance from him whilst you agree to establish the facts via police / probation. If he is breaching some terms the police ought to react straightaway.

I wouldn't believe him. I agree about contacting the parole officer. If he has nothing to hide he should be happy to give her the name. If he won't, that's a big red flag.