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Original poster

DD boyfriend is on the sex offenders register

619 replies

Brighton5555 · 05/09/2018 21:24

Just the title makes me feel sick.

My daughter is 16 and never had a boyfriend before. She met a young lad three months ago and told me he was 17. I was shocked because she kept him secret for the first month or so and she’s never had a boyfriend before.

I say shocked because it’s so not like her to keep things to herself but I do underdatand as her mother she’s not going to share every little detail of her life.

She had been seeing him a month when she told me about him. Then I find out he’s not 17 he’s 19. Then I find out this about him and I need advice.

She told me he is on the sex offenders register for 7 YEARS and he also has to visit a probation officer once a week during this time. She told me which is the story he told her that -

At college he got into a fight and hit someone ( I know it sounds like it’s getting worse ) and during the police investigation they searched his mobile phone where he states he had a couple of naked photos of his 17 year old girlfriend at the time. Due to her age ( I didn’t know 17 was classed as a minor ) and even though the girl agreed she sent them with her consent this is the reason my daughter tells me he is on the sec offenders register. I think she said something along the lines of a indecent image of a minor.

Something about this story just doesn’t make sense to me. I have all his details and am planning to go to my police station and just tell them what I have been told and that I’m really worried about the whole thing / is this young man a danger to children? My daughter ? Just because he says this is the reason doesn’t mean it is true.

They have been together 3 months now and this has only just come out. As much as she reassures me about the photos of a ex girlfriend and her being 17 and it ‘ not being that bad ‘ my gut tells me I think there is more to it.

Will the police think I’m overreacting?
Will they be able to at least warn me if he is considered a danger ?

I feel sick

OP posts:
Lostbeyondwords · 06/09/2018 09:46

Well done deciding to go to police OP. I hope you get some decent answers and get the truth.

People aren't always google-able. As someone who knows someone who is on the SOR for 10 years, I know he isn't searchable, due to the nature of the crime meaning the victim would have been easily identifiable, press were not allowed to report. It happens. Not everyone can be found out by a name search, sadly.

Lostbeyondwords · 06/09/2018 09:49

I do find it odd though, that someone on SOR for 7 years and subject to weekly check ins, wouldn't have a list of conditions as long as your arm including informing his OM about a new relationship. I was under the impression that was quite standard.

deydododatdodontdeydo · 06/09/2018 09:50

Just a thought, but if he was actually 17 when convicted (or even younger), wouldn't his name be kept anonymous, and that might explain why he comes up in no searches?
If it was, say 3 year's ago, he'd have been 16, could have been put on the SOR for 10 years for a much worse crime, which would be 7 years now.

deydododatdodontdeydo · 06/09/2018 09:51

And that's assuming he is actually 19 and not older. He's lied about his age already.

insertimaginativeusername · 06/09/2018 09:53

deydo if he was himself a juvenile he wouldn't be on the register for 10 years because it is halved.

LagunaBubbles · 06/09/2018 10:29

I hope you get some answers from the Police OP, it sounds an awful situation to be in.

MerryMarigold · 06/09/2018 10:29

He is lying. He's either much older, or it is a much worse crime, or both. I also find it worrying that he's targeted your dd who has never had a boyfriend before. He's not going for the streetwise kid, but someone more vulnerable, trusting and easy to manipulate. My guess (fwiw) is that he was a juvenile and it was a much, much worse crime than he's admitting.

Bluelonerose · 06/09/2018 10:30

Oh god op I have no advice other than to echo what pp have said.
Go to the police.
Good luck

WhoWants2Know · 06/09/2018 10:31

Even if everything he says is true, I still wouldn't want my daughter dating him. A guy who gets in fist fights and carries around a naked picture of his ex? She can do better.

deydododatdodontdeydo · 06/09/2018 10:33

insertimaginativeusername thanks for the clarification.
He could still have been put on when juvenile though, hence the anonymity.

MerryMarigold · 06/09/2018 10:37

deydo, if he was put on as juvenile, it would need to be a pretty bad crime to get the 7 years.

Juanbablo · 06/09/2018 10:38

I think you are absolutely right to be concerned. The crime he claims to have committed and the sentence he says he received do not add up.

WhatTheWatersShowedMe · 06/09/2018 10:55

He's been grooming her, and he's clearly minimising his offense to her. Sex offenders are liars.

Shes also probably lying to you about his age. I had a relative who was 17 and told her parents her boyfriend was 21. He was actually 27.

RatRolyPoly · 06/09/2018 10:58

I'm not defending this man at all, but from what PPs in the criminal justice system are saying is that the the weekly probation check-ins will be for the assault and nothing to do with the sexual charges.

Being on the SOR for 7 years, both from my experiences with the police in this area and also from PPs in the know is the standard length of time to be on it when one receives a suspended sentence for a sex offence.

So if he had pictures of his 17yo gf on his phone, that's a sex offence, and if he admitted it the very least he's going to get is a caution and 2 years on the SOF automatically. But he got a suspended sentence, the next "step up" from a caution.

As PPs have said, I don't know how they came to be looking on his phone unless there was a relevant accusation.

This doesn't minimise it in any way of course; this guy is bad news. And he obviously hasn't given whatever details would explain why the photos of his gf earned him a suspended sentence. Hopefully the police can explain that bit to you OP.

RedPanda2 · 06/09/2018 11:02

How awful for both of you. A 19 year old going out with a 16 year old is creepy enough, but he has clearly done domething a lot worse than he is making out

ifoundthebread · 06/09/2018 11:07

The girl may of been 17 but if the pictures were taken when she was a minor then it is an offence even if she did send them. I'd certainly be doing a bit research into him.

KeneftYakimoski · 06/09/2018 11:20

Since when was a person over the legal age of consent (17) not allowed to share naked images of themselves?

It's complicated. www.cps.gov.uk/legal-guidance/indecent-images-children-iioc, and search down for "Marriage and other relationships".

sashh · 06/09/2018 11:53

Since when was a person over the legal age of consent (17) not allowed to share naked images of themselves? No one is going to be on the register with weekly check ins for having naked pictures of someone over the age of consent, considering he can barely have been a year older at that point.

Oh yes they are, and it's only recently the SOR register halved the time for minors.

The law seems quite clear but can be quite murky. It is all about the 'intent' so you may have a pic of your child on a beach naked or in a bath playing with toys and think its cute.

You may also end up on the SOR for the same picture.

www.gov.uk/government/publications/indecent-images-of-children-guidance-for-young-people/indecent-images-of-children-guidance-for-young-people

www.cps.gov.uk/legal-guidance/indecent-images-children-iioc

theWarOnPeace · 06/09/2018 11:57

The above link might be helpful. It outlines the sentences someone would have been given/corresponding years on the register. 7 years on the register is following a custodial sentence. Either way OP, your daughter is in a relationship with a predatory liar, who is a registered sex offender. Claire’s Law is something she would have to implement herself as a partner AFIK, but Sarah’s Law is for those concerned about a child, and she’s your child so that’s the law you’d have to evoke.

Lovemusic33 · 06/09/2018 11:57

A 19 year old going out with a 16 year old is creepy enough

Why? It’s only 3 years difference, they are both old enough to concent to sex. I don’t think this is the issue here.

OP I can see why you are worried, I would be too. When I was 15 I got involved with someone in their early 20’s, he had a criminal record and had been to prison, my parents did nothing to stop it, I wish they had tried harder. Try and find out what you can about him, find out if he’s telling the truth and talk to your dd (don’t tell her she can’t see him but tell her your concerns).

incywincybitofa · 06/09/2018 12:33

I hope your visit to the police has been helpful.

PolkaDoting · 06/09/2018 12:33

Really feel for you OP and I hope you get some answers.

JellyBaby666 · 06/09/2018 12:37

Hope it went okay with the police OP.