To think his mother's house is filthy?

[Wasither]

I've recently started dating a new man, and met his family at the weekend.
His mother is a cleaner, so I expected the house to be reasonably clean but it was awful. I might be bu, as I'm sure there are much worse houses around but i was cringing.

The carpet looked grimy, and felt gritty under my feet (asked to remove shoes). There was dog hair everywhere, I know this can't be helped when you have a dog but the amount seemed really excessive.
The lino in the kitchen was grubby and you could see bits of food on it.
They don't have a kitchen bin so all rubbish including empty meat packets and vegetable peelings was piled in a heap on the work surface.
There wasn't a draining board at the sink, all "clean" dishes were sat in puddles of water.
Glasses from the cupboard still looked dirty.
The cooker and hob was so thick with grease you could see indents from where pans had sat.

Aibu / judgy to think it's disgusting?
When I was offered a drink i felt really uncomfortable drinking it when I saw how grimy the glass was, and I really don't think I'd feel comfortable eating there.

For background/context, his mother is in her mid 50s, so not old and struggling to manage.
My mother always had extremely high standards re cleanliness, so my views may be skewed because of this. My home growing up was always spotless, and I have similar standards now myself.
My mother always said you could tell a lot about people's standards by their skirting boards, so I always make sure i wash them, same with light switches, plug sockets, anything dust can land on really. So I'm aware my background might be a bit excessive, so really want to check if iabu or not

It does quite grose. Your own standards (e.g. skirting boards, light switches) are probably at the higher end of normal and maybe even slightly excessive but things should be kept basically and hygienically clean though.

Your DP might learn from you though? It depends how perfect he is in other ways really! His cleanliness standards might well become an issue over time though so maybe it's helpful for you to have seen his Mum's house.

** does sound, not 'does quite'

Split up with partner because parents house is a mess? Really? You will hardly be around his parents house somehow they choose to live is nothing to do with you is it. You say his house is ok but not up to your standards . Well your probably not going to find many that are up
To your standards. But op you noticed the cleanliness of the house but are the parents nice? As that's what I'd be judging that visit on.

PIL’s house is disgusting - filthy and cluttered. It has been that way as long as I’ve known DH (25 years). FIL would never lower himself to do any household work, and MIL doesn’t like cleaning and never has.

When DH was a child his grandmother would clean the house. She hated dirt and clutter so would clean and tidy their house. Once she became to immobile to clean their house, it stopped happening.

The house is disgustingly dirty. The bathroom is vile and the main reason that we don’t stay over.

Personally, I don’t give a shit how they live their lives or run their own home. What I do object to is MIL making sly digs at me about how DH doesn’t feel comfortable living in a clean and tidy house and cleanliness ‘isn’t in the genes’. Admittedly, DH doesn’t do any cleaning round the house (he works full time and I don’t go out to work) but the hours he spends cleaning and detailing the car put lie to that idea. She also goes on about how she never had time to clean as she was always so busy having a welcoming home for all their children’s friends. This is utter bollocks as DH said he and his sister hardly ever had friends round as children as their house was in the back arse end of nowhere. Her implication is that a tidy house in unwelcoming.

I am a reasonable judge of how dirty a house is. I am partially sighted and the general rule is that if I can see dirt it is pretty bad. My pet peeve is insect carcasses that remain in situ for weeks on end. I don’t get how this can not bother them.

This is where I'm fortunate in that my MIL lives a 3 hour drive away from us, so we can't visit her that often. Also, my DH does understand the problem, especially as we have 2 DDs (9 and 6).

The OP and her DP also don't have to visit her at her home. They can have her at DP's place or meet up at a restaurant, maybe. And her DP can visit his DM on his own.

We also see MIL at my BIL and SIL's home, or we all meet up somewhere, for example a stately home.

There are ways of handling this. It depends how invested in the relationship the OP is.

This says it all really

No it really doesn't.

Nanny0gg I’m with you on this one. I never get why people make a virtue about having disgustingly dirty and messy houses/cars as if it somehow ‘proves’ that they have so many more important, useful, virtuous and generally benevolent things to do with their time whilst simultaneously sneering at others who don’t share their views. If someone is happy to live in a mess, fine - just don’t look down on those that don’t.

I also loathe the idea that men don’t find cleanliness and tidiness as important as women. I would challenge any woman who thinks this to go to any one of the major car shows that are on throughout the year and spend a few minutes looking round the ‘show and shine’ area. I would say that about 95% of these cars will be owned (and cleaned) by men.

Your relationship is still new. The short answer to your question is to keep an open mind and as the relationship progresses to live with each other first for at least 6 months before making it permanent.

That is how you find out if you can live with each other's standards of cleanliness and other stuff which has to potential to cause friction in the long term.