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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect DH to occasionally make his own way to the train station?

113 replies

AliceRR · 05/09/2018 16:43

DH and I share a car currently but this is wholly of his making (long story) but it suits him for us to share. I’d rather we had our own cars.

We both work in the same city and get the train. The train station is only a mile from our house so we tend to travel together. We get the same train in the morning as it’s most convenient for both of us and coming home I could get an earlier one but tend to get the next one (half an hour later) so that we can both go home in the car together. Otherwise one of us would have to walk or if have to go back and get him and it just wouldn’t be worth it given the time.

Often, if one of us works late, the other will go back and pick up. There have been times when he has gone out after work and taken the car so I have walked or got a taxi and vice versa.

Tomorrow I have my 16w Mw appointment at 10 am so will not be going into work with him. I let him know and I did say that if I’m up I will take him to the station and chances are I would be up but I did ask that if I’m not awake then please don’t wake me. I’m pregnant and tired and seem to have cold after cold and TBH could benefit from the extra hour (or more!) in bed. I usually get up at 7:15 but could probably get up at around 9 for an appointment at 10 am close to home!

But he seemed put out by this and seemed to think I should get up if I expected to use the car.

It’s easier for me to keep the car BTW as I would otherwise need to make my way to the doctor’s surgery and then down to the train station so would be more to walk or more taxi fares.

This is not a deal breaker obviously but interested in others’ thoughts!

OP posts:
NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 · 05/09/2018 16:44

You need 2 cars. Especially when you have kids.

Porridgeprincess · 05/09/2018 16:45

A mile does not take that long to walk. i think I would agree with you asking to be let sleep, it is a once off chance for you to get some extra shut eye!

Shoxfordian · 05/09/2018 16:45

Yeah you do need two cars but also a more considerate husband

agedknees · 05/09/2018 16:46

He should walk. It’s good for his health.

Pregnant women should get all the sleep/rest they can get.

NonaGrey · 05/09/2018 16:47

It’s a mile for goodness sake! Why can’t he walk?

knittingdad · 05/09/2018 16:47

It's a mile?

I would think that was normally walking distance. Your pregnancy being an obvious exception.

PlateOfBiscuits · 05/09/2018 16:48

I disagree that you need two cars - the train station is only a mile away so easily walkable for him.

Kewqueue · 05/09/2018 16:49

You need 2 cars. Especially when you have kids. why?

He can walk a mile!

Loopytiles · 05/09/2018 16:50

He should just walk.

Don’t be giving him lifts to the station when DC1 arrives and you’re on mat leave!

YeTalkShiteHen · 05/09/2018 16:50

Can I just check I haven’t misunderstood?

You're 16 weeks pregnant, feeling like shite and have the chance of an almost 2 hour lie in but he wants/expects you to get up at the usual time to ferry him 1 mile?

Please tell me I’ve misunderstood.

Original poster
AliceRR · 05/09/2018 16:50

Exactly. It is walking distance! We have both walked it. It is downhill to the station and uphill back but i will be working in the aft so we will both come home in the car.

I have even done the walk up hill since pregnant but I am already getting pains in my legs and groin and would have to walk about a mile to the surgery and then about 2 Mila back down to the station in the opposite direction.

And he knows in advance so could get up 10 mins earlier if he needed but he probably doesn’t need to as he faffs around in the morning anyway for ages before he even gets ready 😂

It’s about 10 mins in car or 20 mins to walk so not a big difference

OP posts:
Original poster
AliceRR · 05/09/2018 16:51

YeTalkShiteHen you have not misunderstood...

OP posts:
Rebecca36 · 05/09/2018 16:51

Halking a mile is nothing unless you're running late.

YeTalkShiteHen · 05/09/2018 16:51

Sad I really wanted to have got it wrong.

Is he usually so thoughtless and selfish or does he genuinely not see why he’s being a dick?

Rebecca36 · 05/09/2018 16:51

I meant 'walking'.

Loopytiles · 05/09/2018 16:52

We had one car for a long time and both commute. When I was on maternity leave DH walked to/from the station - healthy anyway. When I returned to work we juggled, eg whoever dropped off or picked up DC that morning or afternoon used the car.

Satsumaeater · 05/09/2018 16:52

If it's a mile he can walk. Or cycle if he thinks it takes too long.

Driving? Really? Does either of you have a disability? Otherwise I can't think why you wouldn't walk. Also the cost of station parking!

DH and I walk (and cycle) and we are 1.6 miles away. I do collect him if I am home before he is but he has a bad knee so doesn't want to do too much walking and always walks in the morning.

agedknees · 05/09/2018 16:52

Tell the lazy man to use his legs.

Satsumaeater · 05/09/2018 16:52

Though I would agree that it might be helpful to have 2 cars once baby arrives. We always had one car but got another one when I was about 8 months pregnant.

Later we went back to having one car but have had two for the last two years.

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 05/09/2018 16:53

I can see both sides of today's issue, but tbh that's not the biggie -- the real issue is what you're going to do when you're on mat leave and need the car to go places and do things with DC. You need to get this sorted out now or you're going to end up dropping him off and picking him up every morning and evening.

Original poster
AliceRR · 05/09/2018 16:53

@Loopytiles Oh we had the discussion yesterday about when I’m on mat leave. I suggested we would need two cars (as I would need the car sometimes while he is at work) but he seemed to think that if we didn’t then I should drop him off and pick him up from the station, with small baby! And this even though we are looking at moving before baby is born potentially to somewhere a few miles from a train station so it could be a half hour to an hour round trip twice a day!

He will be getting his own car!

He was in a bad mood yesterday so I’m hoping he will realise he is being a bit U (I think so anyway)

OP posts:
OutPinked · 05/09/2018 16:54

A mile is nothing, he should do that and stop being so bloody lazy and selfish.

Delatron · 05/09/2018 16:56

Wow, a mile is nothing. You should both walk to the station every day and avoid the hassle of the car. You could get the early train back then and nights out wouldn’t matter?

A mile is a 15/20 minute walk at most? I do that to and from school four times, as do many people.

But yes your husband should leave you the car for your appointment tomorrow...

Original poster
AliceRR · 05/09/2018 16:57

@Satsumaeater He doesn’t have a bike currently!

Station parking is free.

TBF for getting to work, one car is better than two. When we had two cars we used to each drive separately to the station as he preferred to get the later train (later train is now a bit too late hence we both prefer the same train now) but I think that is a bit shameful!

When I am on mat leave and he is working FT I think we would need two cars otherwise I will be stuck at home!

OP posts:
Delatron · 05/09/2018 16:58

You wouldn’t need two cars if, like most people, your husband was able to walk for 15 minutes!

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