To expect DH to occasionally make his own way to the train station?

[AliceRR]

DH and I share a car currently but this is wholly of his making (long story) but it suits him for us to share. I’d rather we had our own cars.

We both work in the same city and get the train. The train station is only a mile from our house so we tend to travel together. We get the same train in the morning as it’s most convenient for both of us and coming home I could get an earlier one but tend to get the next one (half an hour later) so that we can both go home in the car together. Otherwise one of us would have to walk or if have to go back and get him and it just wouldn’t be worth it given the time.

Often, if one of us works late, the other will go back and pick up. There have been times when he has gone out after work and taken the car so I have walked or got a taxi and vice versa.

Tomorrow I have my 16w Mw appointment at 10 am so will not be going into work with him. I let him know and I did say that if I’m up I will take him to the station and chances are I would be up but I did ask that if I’m not awake then please don’t wake me. I’m pregnant and tired and seem to have cold after cold and TBH could benefit from the extra hour (or more!) in bed. I usually get up at 7:15 but could probably get up at around 9 for an appointment at 10 am close to home!

But he seemed put out by this and seemed to think I should get up if I expected to use the car.

It’s easier for me to keep the car BTW as I would otherwise need to make my way to the doctor’s surgery and then down to the train station so would be more to walk or more taxi fares.

This is not a deal breaker obviously but interested in others’ thoughts!

@AngeloMysterioso Really? People like us who share a car to drive a mile and not people who drive miles every day.

Don’t use phrases like “people like you” as it’s offensive and not helpful.

I could say that people like you are the reason why Mumsnetters have a bad name!

Thanks everyone for the replies

Think I will let DH walk tomorrow!

and I’m sure DH would want to shower and change before putting his suit on for work but he doesn’t have shower facilities at work

Why on earth would you need to shower and change after a 10 - 15 minute walk? Just how sweaty and stinky are you expecting him to get after that?!
People get off say the train or tube at the other end and walk 10 minutes to their office every day, I'm sure they don't all have to strip off and have a shower after it once they get to work!

You need to speak with your midwife about this.

Your DH may not realise what your body needs, but he must be told that he’s a fully functioning adult, and he needs to grow up.

You are growing a placenta at the moment... it’s an organ the size of a liver, and it’s absolutely exhausting, and essential you have rest.

Let me put it this way, you are now at the top of the heap in your family. Your man has done his job regarding the pregnancy, he has nothing further to do about that except fully support you, and ensure you are happy and healthy and that includes you being absolutely rested.

Your priority is yourself and your baby. He can whistle to the wind for a lift.

You don’t seem to have realized how serious this is, especially as you’ve had virus after virus from being run down.

Get a grip of the reins woman, and put yourself first.
You MUST enlist help from your midwife if your DH won’t see sense.

This isn’t about you being “too soft”, it’s about your conditioning to accommodate his needs above your own, and above your baby’s. Wake up. Quick.

He sounds lazy and selfish and that doesn’t bode well for having a child...

Everyone should be waking at least that amount a day for general health. I don’t understand why either of you don’t want to. Especially as you then fight over the car and eat taxis back from the supermarket!!

Eat taxis 😂! Get taxis...

Maybe the people who drive miles every day don't have any viable alternatives? You do. Car sharing to drive a mile is better than not car sharing, but that's a pretty low threshold to clear.

@DarlingNikita I said it before you posted and specifically referee to cycling, not walking.

But I understand you might not have read all replies.

It’s irrelevant anyway as I don’t plan to cycle. DH may do but much depends on where we end up living

@LetsGoBitches I’m just going to let him walk tomorrow and see how it goes

I completely get this is important and my health and baby’s health right now is the most important thing in my opinion

MN posts tend to cloud the issues at times!

But I think I’m soft in the sense I think “I’m awake now, I may as well take him!”

If you are prioritising your health and your baby's health, take a look at this: www.bupa.co.uk/health-information/pregnancy/exercising-during-and-after-pregnancy "Aerobic exercise such as brisk walking ... uses oxygen, raises your heart rate and makes you slightly breathless. It also improves your level of fitness"

I’ll use whatever phrases I wish, and yes it is people like you who will use a car to to travel one mile in each direction every day or to pop to the corner shop or whatever when you could just walk it. If someone has a much longer journey to make it’s more understandable that they wouldn’t want to walk/cycle/use public transport etc. But one mile?! That’s just absurdly lazy.

Thanks. I go for walks and do exercise but prefer not to do it carrying heavy bags and things with me.

I am making sure I get exercise

Not getting into an argument about enviro issues.

Thanks again everyone.

But I think I’m soft in the sense I think “I’m awake now, I may as well take him!”

Well, I'm harsher, I'd be "get walking, lazy sod,it's only up the road!"

"Not getting into an argument about enviro issues". I don't think there's much to argue about in this case. Good luck with curtailing your husband's sense of entitlement.

Not getting into an argument about enviro is
I don't see how you can NOT consider the environmental issues when you are expecting a baby and the distance is so short. Air pollution is one of the biggest threats to children's health. Tell your dh to start walking!

Driving a short distance IS proportionately more environmentally damaging.

The engine is colder and less efficient, the catalytic converter doesn’t work as efficiently either.

A huge percentage of urban journeys are under 5 miles, which is an easily cyclable distance. As well as the pollution, you are contributing to congestion.

Get the lazy bugger to cycle to the station. I have a similar commute but I detest walking so I got a cheapo bike to leave at the station.

Tell him you need the car and you need the rest, so now he must directly choose between you and the baby you are carrying walking to get the car, or him, an able bodied adult male walking.

Sorry, OP, but people are going on about the driving because it is totally ridiculous that two grown adults drive 1 mile, twice a day, exclusively to the point where a non driving day causes issues.

What's his problem exactly? Has he given a valid reason for not wanking?

*WALKING!

@screwthepyramids 🤣🤣🤣

When my DH and I both worked in London, we walked a mile to the station every day... And a mile the other end... even when I was pregnant.. it wouldn't even have occurred to take the car, pay for parking and then walk to the station.. it would have taken almost as long! Maybe more in winter when it needed de-icing.. Sheesh.. no wonder we have an obesity crisis.

😂 Crying at the ‘valid reason for not wanking!’ Best autocorrect I’ve seen in a long time..

Even a 3 mile cycle ride should not get anyone so sweaty that they need a shower. It doesn't have to be done at full tilt.

What will happen once you have returned to work post-baby, and someone has to drop off at childcare?

You're both bone idle not to walk a mile to the station, including when pregnant. It's 15 minutes FFS.

Why don't you compromise and ask him to walk in a morning and you'll pick him up in the afternoon so you can have use of the car instead of it being parked up all day?