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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect DH to occasionally make his own way to the train station?

113 replies

AliceRR · 05/09/2018 16:43

DH and I share a car currently but this is wholly of his making (long story) but it suits him for us to share. I’d rather we had our own cars.

We both work in the same city and get the train. The train station is only a mile from our house so we tend to travel together. We get the same train in the morning as it’s most convenient for both of us and coming home I could get an earlier one but tend to get the next one (half an hour later) so that we can both go home in the car together. Otherwise one of us would have to walk or if have to go back and get him and it just wouldn’t be worth it given the time.

Often, if one of us works late, the other will go back and pick up. There have been times when he has gone out after work and taken the car so I have walked or got a taxi and vice versa.

Tomorrow I have my 16w Mw appointment at 10 am so will not be going into work with him. I let him know and I did say that if I’m up I will take him to the station and chances are I would be up but I did ask that if I’m not awake then please don’t wake me. I’m pregnant and tired and seem to have cold after cold and TBH could benefit from the extra hour (or more!) in bed. I usually get up at 7:15 but could probably get up at around 9 for an appointment at 10 am close to home!

But he seemed put out by this and seemed to think I should get up if I expected to use the car.

It’s easier for me to keep the car BTW as I would otherwise need to make my way to the doctor’s surgery and then down to the train station so would be more to walk or more taxi fares.

This is not a deal breaker obviously but interested in others’ thoughts!

OP posts:
Alwayscommuting · 05/09/2018 16:58

It's a mile for me to get to the train station, takes about 20 mins but I leave a little earlier so I can doddle a bit or pick something up at the shops. No reason at all that he can't walk.

BreakfastAtSquiffanys · 05/09/2018 16:59

A mile takes 20 minutes tops to walk.
It's the perfect little bit of exercise to do every day

veggiethrower · 05/09/2018 17:00

Walk. It would take a maximum of 20 minutes and that's at a slow pace.

Don't think you need two cars but he would have to cooperate and walk to the station especially when the baby is born - you'll need the car for getting around and you shouldn't have to be dropping him off at the station and picking him up all the time.

If he really isn't prepared to start walking then you really do need two cars.

ShrodingersSturdyPyjamas · 05/09/2018 17:01

Make sure you take the keys to bed with you or hide them under the mattress.

Fruitteatime · 05/09/2018 17:06

For context my dp walks 1.3 miles to the station every day, we have a four year old and I have never driven him to the station! Occasionally pick him up but only if we are out in the car already. He has absolutely no expectation of this and certainly wouldn't want me waking up early to take him, especially if dd has let me have a lie in. The reason we only have one car is because we are in walking distance of the station! I guess if he is used to driving there it will be a change for him but it should be perfectly manageable.

Loraline · 05/09/2018 17:07

I'm genuinely astonished that (current pregnancy issues aside) either of you drove to and from the station every day! The added expense it must add, the environmental cost and the fact that it would be nice daily exercise to walk all mean it's bonkers! But then I live in London so people just walk to stations by and large.

PickAChew · 05/09/2018 17:09

If the lazy arse finds walking a mile too arduous then the only cure for that is walking a mile more often!

LetsGoBitches · 05/09/2018 17:09

He could cycle to the station and leave the car to you. You don’t need a second car. He just needs to develop some independence, initiative and sensitivity.

I can tbelieve you are even thinking of pandering to this big baby you have for a DH. He sounds very wrapped up in himself, and indulged.

Does he know how tiring it is to grow a baby, or how exhausting a new baby is.
Time for him to get the swing of adulting pdq.

If he won’t listen to you, and insists he comes first, tell him he’ll be first out the door all right. Let the midwife know what an arse he is that he needs a lift to the station every morning... she’ll put him right about the amount of rest you need!
You pr midwife needs to know how unsupportive he is to you... he should be treating you with basic humanity.. if not treating you like an absolute queen... and he’s putting himself first.

Honestly you won’t need a manbaby as well as a cute little squishy one. Most women chose their children over their non functioning menbabies for a very good reason..

Tell him in no uncertain terms to grow the hell up!
Parents need to be adults. Time to put your foot firmly down. You need rest.

Let him sleep on the sofa tonight if he’s going to wake you in the morning faffing around looking for his damn socks.

How did you get lumped with this manBaby? Was it an arranged marriage?

britnay · 05/09/2018 17:10

I'm just not sure why either of you need to drive there? Unless either of you is disabled, 1 mile walk is nothing. I used to walk 1.5 miles to and from work every day; rain, snow or sunshine; including while pregnant and carrying shopping home. Its really not far at all and rather bad for the environment driving such a petty distance.

DontCallMeCharlotte · 05/09/2018 17:11

Exactly. It is walking distance! We have both walked it. It is downhill to the station and uphill back but i will be working in the aft so we will both come home in the car.

I have this exact scenario and we have never once used the car to get to the station (pregnant or not). To be fair, there's no car park and by the time you found somewhere to park it would be a mile the other side of the station Grin We might get the bus up the hill if the timings were right but that's rare. (MIL used to walk up the same hill when she was pregnant with twins although I might have drawn the line at that!)

Original poster
AliceRR · 05/09/2018 17:11

@ShrodingersSturdyPymjamas 🤣 I don’t think he would just take the car although a “compromise” he has suggested previously was that he drive to the station and then I go walk down and get the car when I need it as I would have more time (it must have been a day when I had an appointment or I took annual leave and he was working) 🤔

OP posts:
TooMuchPenis · 05/09/2018 17:13

Yeah you do need two cars but also a more considerate husband

Yes.

Also it's a bloody mile!

Even if he is super lazy it's under a fiver for a taxi.

Original poster
AliceRR · 05/09/2018 17:16

@LetsGoBitches It’s about the opposite of an arranged marriage!!

Yes I accept we could both have walked anyway and I like walking. I ran a half marathon last year so I am not unfit. DH is a bit on and off with gym bit is also fit enough.

I thought it was bad we took two cars to the station but he refused to leave earlier and the time he was leaving was a bit too late for me as that train got me to work for bang on 9 which was a bit late for me

OP posts:
DorothyParker111 · 05/09/2018 17:18

When your baby is a teenager and challenging you about the crap state of the world your generation is bequeathing to his/her generation - pollution, climate change, overloaded healthcare system - be sure to get your DH to explain why you need to run two cars because he can't walk a mile to the station.

Rudgie47 · 05/09/2018 17:19

He needs to be walking regularly for his health and his heart etc. I'd just laugh at him, he sounds a right idiot. Do you think he was just joking OP?

Imsorrylhaventaclue · 05/09/2018 17:22

Shock I’m genuinely shocked. He wants his pregnant wife to get up unnecessarily, to act as his chauffeur to the station so he doesn’t have to walk for 15 minutes.

HIB completely U.

DarlingNikita · 05/09/2018 17:23

He can walk a fucking mile for one day. What a baby.

I know it's not the point and I'm not the first to say it but, pregnancy and health issues notwithstanding, no way should either of you need to drive to the station anyway.

Original poster
AliceRR · 05/09/2018 17:24

I don’t think he was joking but he was in bad mood so perhaps will feel differently when I remind him later that I won’t be going to work with him in the morning

The reality is I’ll probably wake up early as I often wake up around 7 anyway and then I’ll feel bad and get up and take him to the station but I would like the option to rest!!

OP posts:
serbska · 05/09/2018 17:25

It’s a mile. He can walk that!

Ringsender2 · 05/09/2018 17:26

hide the car keys and feign deep sleep tomorrow morning

OrchidInTheSun · 05/09/2018 17:27

My primary school kids walk a mile to school every day. Laugh in his face

Seeingadistance · 05/09/2018 17:29

A mile!

You really drive a mile, park the car, leave it there all day, then drive a mile (a mile!) back home again!

Unless you are both disabled, there is no reason to drive such a short distance.

That's a 15 minute walk, for goodness sake!

TokyoSushi · 05/09/2018 17:30

God that whole arrangement would drive me crazy! Of course he should walk!

Brakebackcyclebot · 05/09/2018 17:33

A mile? I am shocked that either of you go to the station in a car if it's a mile away. That's 20 minutes walk. Neither of you need to drive there!

CloudCaptain · 05/09/2018 17:35

You should both have been walking to the station. Surely it takes you longer to drive and park, what with traffic.

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