Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU - free school meals application against my wishes.

428 replies

GlitterSand · 05/09/2018 14:20

Two years ago I became eligible to claim free school meals,
I do not need the assistance so declined the offer.
The local council sent me a silly amount of letters about being entitled to claim, I phoned them and asked them to stop, explained that I didn't need to claim and asked them to make a note on my 'file' not to contact me again.
However, within a few months it started again I ignored them until I received a letter that basically said 'you are entitled to claim this so we are going to put in a claim on your behalf'
This annoyed me and I sent them a letter telling them that I do not give them permission to ever make a claim for FSMs on my behalf, that I wanted it marked on my file that I never want a claim for FSMs to be made in my name.
Someone from the council called me and apologised he said he made a note on my file and I would not be contacted again.

My DC has just started secondary school and for the second day in a row, his student account was not charged for the meal he had.
I just called the school and they have told me that his account has not been charged because he is in receipt of FSM, I told her this is a mistake and she is going to look into it and call me back.

I'm currently on hold to the council.

I'm so angry, how dare they put in a claim without my knowledge or permission and against my explicit request not to.
AIBU to be so annoyed?

I'm just posting to vent really, to try to calm down before I speak to anyone, but I'm just so angry that they can go against my wishes and put in a claim for a benefit that I do not want.

OP posts:
Sparklingwinemakesmehappy · 05/09/2018 14:41

By letting the school claim but not taking up any of the benefits of them claiming, the school will be able to help others in their care.

In reality it means a small supplement added to their funds. Schools are struggling for funding, posts are being cut everywhere leaving no support staff for teachers.

If this little amount helps towards providing some teaching cover then surely it's a good thing. It's not as though they aren't eligible for the funds as you are entitled to claim them.

I think there is stigma attached. I found myself going from high band tax paying household to being eligible to claim benefits. I too didn't claim as I felt I had ample provision from family. However, when the benefits to the school were explained to me I did let them claim on my behalf.

I think the wording was eligible to claim rather than in receipt of.

Eemamc · 05/09/2018 14:42

Flyme. The counties my husband works in pays for music lessons for FSM pupils. I’ve just checked. I also work in a school and know that’s how our finance office fund many of our students music lessons (we cover the costs of those not entitled) so this is definitely a thing. Not knowing where the OP is based it’s possible her son is entitled. I now understand that this is not universal, but worth taking advantage of from those counties that offer it.

NynaeveSedai · 05/09/2018 14:43

Schools desperately need the extra funding they get from FSM pupils. You're being weird and selfish.

PattiStanger · 05/09/2018 14:43

Sorry OP, I missed your post about the maintenance - are you saying you meet the requirements or not, do you recieve one of the qualifying benefits?

TheWinterofOurDiscountTentsMk2 · 05/09/2018 14:44

I don't want to take money out of a system that is already struggling and could go to supporting another family that actually need it

You are depriving other families of support, by not allowing the school to collect the pupil premium.

Elementtree · 05/09/2018 14:45

By letting the school claim but not taking up any of the benefits of them claiming, the school will be able to help others in their care.

But the op doesn't want her child on free school meals because her child is not disadvantaged by lack of money. It should be her choice not to participate in the charade that her child is disadvantaged.

Eemamc · 05/09/2018 14:45

Pupil premium often goes towards iPads or technology for the school, and often pays for the wages of teaching assistants. Massively beneficial for everyone.... and also helps to employ someone, isn’t that good for society as a whole?

TheWinterofOurDiscountTentsMk2 · 05/09/2018 14:45

Why not take it, let the school use it and also donate the amount you would use for school meals to the school hardship fund? If not, then its not about the funds, its about your pride.

Isadora2007 · 05/09/2018 14:45

So now you know you would actually be HELPING other people by accepting the free meals- are you going to accept them?
Mary’s Meals is a great charity too that you could “pay” for meals for other less fortunate children with the money it doesn’t cost you to buy your sons anymore. Win win.

Feefeetrixabelle · 05/09/2018 14:46

Claiming fsm for your child benefits the school. It adds funding that may benefit your son with additional lessons etc. Could you not let the fsm claim continue and donate an equivalent amount to the school. They often have hardship funds/tech funds/art funds etc. That way you aren’t taking anything from the system.

But on a separate note t is ridiculous and you are eighth to be mad that your wishes aren’t being respected.

But please reconsider on the basis it will benefit the school.

NynaeveSedai · 05/09/2018 14:46

The op does not OWE the school anything - ffs.

Wow.

Original poster
GlitterSand · 05/09/2018 14:47

I do appreciate that the extra funding is beneficial to schools.
However, I am not happy with claiming a benefit that I do not feel we should.
I'm also not happy with my DC being labeled as a FSM recipient when we can more than afford to pay for school lunches ourselves.
We have always donated money to the school when asked, I don't have a problem donating money to the school, I just don't want money paid to the school in my name against my wishes.

OP posts:
Eemamc · 05/09/2018 14:47

We also spend it on books, that the school would not otherwise be able to afford...books! This is a good thing.

Elementtree · 05/09/2018 14:48

She doesn't owe them cash because she does not want to pretend her hlchild is disadvantaged nyn

NynaeveSedai · 05/09/2018 14:48

Yep, still weird and selfish Confused

Aridane · 05/09/2018 14:50

Batshit

Fatted · 05/09/2018 14:50

I would be claiming free school meals if I could!!

Why not just send your child in with their own lunch?!

Eemamc · 05/09/2018 14:50

Genuinely, there is usually a spending freeze at some point in the school year. I have to ask special permission to order pens and paper. Please let the school access the funding.

Lovemusic33 · 05/09/2018 14:50

I don’t understand why you wouldn’t claim if you are entitled to it. My kids get free school meals, there’s no stigma attached, their friends don’t know they get them. My eldest gets the money put onto her meal card and I give her a bit extra as it’s not enough to buy a meal (she won’t eat the low budget meal on the menu). If she doesn’t use the money put on the card then it disappears from her card (presumably back to them?).

I’m sure it’s not worth stressing over.

Winterbella · 05/09/2018 14:51

Gosh, OP you are such a snob! no one cares about who gets Free School Meals or not except the funding committee of the school! you need to grow up a bit here

onetimeposter · 05/09/2018 14:51

There IS a stigma. Same here, I didnt want the kids schools to know.

TacoFriday · 05/09/2018 14:52

So you’re not elligible for the free meals but the government thinks you are.

So you’re not declaring the maintenance your ex gives.

Why?

Because he’s not declaring his income?

Your “noble” approach smells off.

Topseyt · 05/09/2018 14:52

I've seen people get upset over strange and silly things, but this really takes the biscuit.

If your DS is eligible for free school meals then the school also gets additional funding (in addition to the meals). So everyone benefits. If you refuse the free school meals then you are also refusing the extra funding for the school, which benefits the other children too.

Bloody hell. What a daft thing to get uptight about. You are making an issue where there isn't one. Just take the free meals and be grateful for it. I wished we could have qualified for them.

ThisIsTheNational · 05/09/2018 14:53

You attitude is quite bizarre OP. If you don't want the money from FSM for yourself, donate the same amount back to the school, but for goodness sake let them get the PPG money. Schools are desperate for it, and I cannot for the life of me understand why you would try to make this an affront to you.

Lovemusic33 · 05/09/2018 14:54

What Stigma? How can there be a stigma if no one other than the school knows? No one cares anymore about who gets a free meal.