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Original poster

15yo son come out as gay

135 replies

chitterchitter3322 · 04/09/2018 20:20

Apologies for long thread...

DS3 broke up with his girlfriend last week. They had been together for 7 months. I was expecting this to happen as the girlfriend will be moving to another country in November.

DS3 didn't seem that bothered even though the girl told him that she wanted the relationship to be over.

DS3 was at his friend's house this afternoon, and he sent me this (copied and pasted):

Mum, I need to get this off my chest to you . You may have noticed I didnt seem very upset when (girlfriend's name) broke up with me . I'm gay . .

Now my phone was dead when he texted me this. I charged my phone and two hours later I saw the text.

I was worried because he didn't come home and he probably thought I was angry at him.

I told him that it was okay and it didn't matter I loved him etc...

So he came home but went to his room straight away.

I was unsure why but when DH came home from work, he seemed frustrated and started telling me he had a f**t for a son.

He had never really had a problem with LGB people but really?! He's in a mood and he's not talking to me or DS3.

I've got 6 kids and the other 5 don't know, DD3 has noticed some things going on.

I'm so sad DH reacted like this.

Should I get the whole family together tomorrow for a talk (if DS3 is ready to tell his siblings)?

OP posts:
Booboostwo · 05/09/2018 08:12

This thread should be titled “I have a homophobic DH”.Your DS being gay is not worth posting about, your DH being a bigot and filled with hatred about his own son is a huge issue.

ShatnersWig · 05/09/2018 08:42

@booboostwo Well said.

TeaForDad · 05/09/2018 08:57

If I was your DS3 I'd just want a hug from my dad abr for everything to just quiet down.
Is your dh generally good with the kids and their decissions, life etc?

TheBeatGoesOnandOn · 05/09/2018 11:11

Being gay isn't a shocker though. Surely it's a case of having he come to meet the parents

I am bisexual but I've never told my parents as it's irrelevant really.

If my DDs like girls I hope they don't tell me explicitly. Not because I'd be disgusted, but because it doesn't matter. They can just say they have a girlfriend they'd like me to meet and I'd be happy to meet her.

TheActualLastJedi · 05/09/2018 11:30

You need to tell DH to grow up quite frankly.

We are a armed forces family, 2 guys we know have gay sons. Neither of them care, nor do any of the other men that work with the dad's.

The only time one dad had issue was when his 17 year old brought his boyfriend home and then they had loud sex next to their dad and mums bedroom, resulting in the dad banging on the wall and shouting something along the lines of "do it quieter you two!" But that's the only issue so far!

BlancheM · 05/09/2018 11:46

No it isn't a redundant remark, storm. It's been copied and pasted, I'm sure the DS would recognise his own text if he stumbled across it online searching for advice.

Insaneinthamembrane · 05/09/2018 11:52

I hope your son didn't hear his dad saying that about him, that's disgusting behaviour.

Perfectly1mperfect · 05/09/2018 12:00

Be there for your son, let him know it's an absolute non issue for you.

If my children's dad acted like yours has, I wouldn't stay with him. He's disgusting. He could seriously damage your sons self esteem.

ToastyFingers · 05/09/2018 12:53

Faggot!?
Hate speech isn't allowed in my home.
Anyone using such a hateful term to describe a CHILD who has done nothing wrong would be out.

Almostfifty · 05/09/2018 20:58

@MissionItsPossible, thank you. I hope he knows.

MyDoctor · 05/09/2018 21:02

Sounds like your husband could be in shock; it can be quite a jolt to the system to find something like that out.

Original poster
chitterchitter3322 · 05/09/2018 21:14

My husband is good with the kids but he doesn't see them too much because of work but when he has the chance he takes them out and stuff.

I've spoke to him again today and told his siblings and they didn't really care except from DS2 (In Y7) But I told him to get a grip and show respect to his older brother. He said he's feeling a bit better from yesterday.

OP posts:
MissionItsPossible · 05/09/2018 21:34

@Almostfifty He does, I’m sure of it. 👍🏽

@chitterchitter3322
I've spoke to him again today and told his siblings and they didn't really care except from DS2 (In Y7) But I told him to get a grip and show respect to his older brother.

And you told your husband to get a grip and show respect to his own son, yes?

Singlenotsingle · 05/09/2018 21:38

Why would the people at work even need to know? It's ds's private business

parkermoppy · 05/09/2018 22:49

Wow, I didn't know people still cared in this day and age. It's not your husband being in a bad mood it's your husband being homophobic - there's a difference

Aintnothingbutaheartache · 05/09/2018 23:24

I’m almost hoping my dd is gay. I think I’d feel a lot happier if she was going out with women. If she feels she’s straight I will be understanding and supportive.
This is not entirely tongue in cheek btw

YeTalkShiteHen · 06/09/2018 07:21

DSD is gay. I confess I really disliked her first girlfriend, but that was because she was an arsehole not because she was a girl.

I cannot comprehend rejecting your child because they’re gay.

Goth237 · 06/09/2018 08:43

@Aintnothingbutaheartache don't you mean "if she feels she's gay"? Seems strange to say "if she feels she's straight" as though being gay is legitimate and being straight is just a phase.

deepsea · 06/09/2018 08:52

I am shocked.

In this day and age how your dh can say those things is beyond. Your poor son having plucked up the courage to tell you is now at the receiving end of such hateful language from his own father.

Can I check you know for sure he sent the message??

A friend of my dd did to another girl and sent her mother I am gay text as a joke (not funny AT ALL I know) but your ds has actually confirmed it is true and that he sent you the message?

Just seems strange he went straight to his room without talking to you.

ApolloandDaphne · 06/09/2018 08:58

deepsea if you took a few minutes to RTFT you would know it was the DS who sent the message. It isn't a long thread, wouldn't have taken you long.

deepsea · 06/09/2018 09:04

ApolloandDaphne Some of us don't have the time love

LittleCandle · 06/09/2018 09:09

I remember my XH telling me he would disown our DC if they turned out to be gay. I told him in no uncertain terms that he was a twat. This isn't why he is my X, but if it had come to pass that one of the DC was gay, and he reacted as he had said he would, he would swiftly have become my ex. You need to have strong words with your husband.

OutPinked · 06/09/2018 09:17

you were on a thread once about people disowning their sons and you said you could under certain circumstances.

How is that relevant? Hmm I’m imagining OP meant if her son were a paedophile, rapist or murderer, not gay Hmm.

You need to confront ‘D’H firstly, tell him the F bomb is abhorrent, that his views belong in the dark ages, that DS will always be your lovely son and that this doesn’t change anything. Also that his colleagues don’t even need to know, confused why he’s so bothered about them...

Then I would talk to DS and explain that his dad was completely out of order but that you have had strong words with him and reassure him he is safe and loved.

ShatnersWig · 06/09/2018 09:19

@OutPinked And I followed that up saying I am glad this isn't one of those circumstances but that it would be the circumstances under which I would tell my DH to do one.

Nikephorus · 06/09/2018 09:26

What will everyone at work think?
'Well DH, if you say 'my son is a faggot' then I guess they'll think 'DH is a complete arsehole with shit for brains' but if you say 'my son is gay' they'll probably think 'okay, good he's got a decent supportive dad'. Which would you prefer they said about you DH?'
My parents took a similar view when I first came out (20+ years ago). Not quite as bad but didn't want anyone to know. Apparently they didn't tell one set of close friends because 'there aren't many gay people in East Anglia'..... And yet when I mentioned it a few months ago to my 80+ yo aunt in an email she didn't give a toss & said that she & my cousin had guessed a long time ago. It's always the people that should support you that don't and those that you least expect that do.

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