I am six months pregnant and I've put on a bit more weight than I would have liked over the last six months. I've gone from a size 10/11 to a size 12/13 and obviously I have a decent sized bump to go with that too. I'm only 5ft4 so being almost 11 stone now doesn't look great on me.
My partner seems to love me but I don't think he finds me attractive at all. He has a very (media influenced?) idea of what's attractive in a woman: very slim, very fit, very young and very pert. Basically an ideal that's really hard to live up to.
He's no spring chicken himself. Late 40s, and is a bit overweight. I'm in my early 40's and currently also a bit overweight. I wasn't when I met him, I was 9 stone.
This would all be ok except for four things:
1 He often comments how unattractive women are who look like me or perhaps even a bit slimmer or younger than me, he even says 'ugh' at them. We see a topless sunbather on the beach who isn't totally slim but more pert than I am right now and comments things like 'I don’t think she should be topless. It would be ok if she was 19'. He used to talk all the time about how attractive very young women in their late teens or early 20s are (this was until I said how upsetting it was) he still makes comments about older (say over 30) or fatter (say size 12/14+) women being unattractive, and says how attractive much younger (less than 20) and much slimmer (size 8 or less) women are.
2 He loves to cook, he loves to eat, he loves me to eat what he cooks, he needs my approval for the things he cooks, it's a way he shows love and he has a vast appetite and expects me to match it. His entire day revolves around what he's cooking for dinner or lunch. He wants to impress me with his cooking and loves to cook big meals for us and our children. He gives me portions that are the same size as his, he weighs 1.5 times as much as I do and is 6ft.
3 He has stopped complimenting my physical appearance utterly and completely since I started putting on weight (a few months into our relationship) he continues to say zero complimentary about my appearance as I grow steadily more pregnant. Nothing, not one word. Nothing positive springs to his mind about how I look whatsoever. He used to compliment me when we first met.
4 His ex wife is a size 6-8 and has the body of a teenager. Very fit, very toned. She's older than me and frankly looks incredible. They were together for 15 years, clearly her metabolism could cope with the overfeeding and when he complimented teenagers in the street in front of her, she probably felt 'well I look like them too so no problem'.
It is eating away at me that he doesn't find me attractive. It's a fundamental female need as far as I'm concerned, that your partner communicates to you that he finds you attractive. Not only is there nothing forthcoming in that direction, I get a clear picture from his comments on other women about what he does find attractive. I don't feel our relationship has much long term potential at all if he loves me like a sister but doesn't find me attractive. I'm projecting a little in that sentence, but it's how he makes me feel. I have spoken to him about it a couple of times, and he apologises but nothing changes. I wish I was with someone who just found me attractive. I don't think I look too bad at all but he makes me feel so ugly and self conscious. I have been desperate to lose weight while pregnant but feel faint when I don't eat enough. I have asked him to stop cooking so much for me but he just gets offended. I don't know how to deal with it. It's breaking my heart.