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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

If you have boy/s then a daughter...

115 replies

beclev24 · 02/09/2018 17:31

Is having a daughter a much ‘better’ more fulfilling/easier experience?? I don’t mean do you love them more- I’m assuming you don’t. Just is the actual experience of raising a daughter really that much better than a son?

I have seen so many gender disappointment threads on here and have felt it myself from time to time (I have 3DS’s). I adore my sons completely but all I hear on here and in RL is about women wanting daughters/how much easier/more fun girls are and how much closer the relationship with a daughter is than with a son. It makes me feel that I must be really missing out.

Please be honest- if you have both, especially if you had a girl after one or more boys, is it everything you hoped for/so very different?

OP posts:
funinthesun18 · 02/09/2018 17:32

Watching with interest because I have three sons and I’m about to have a daughter in the next couple of weeks! Smile

tillytoodles1 · 02/09/2018 17:34

I have one of each, and although I was pleased at the time, I'd actually say my son was the easiest child although I'm closer to my daughter now. It's all swings and roundabouts whatever you have.

MirandaWest · 02/09/2018 17:34

I have a son and a daughter. They are different people and do things differently. Some things are easier with one and some things easier with the other. I am more likely to do clothes shopping where you look at things and don’t necessarily buy them with my daughter but I’m more likely to jam on the piano with my son. My daughter has had some friend issues and my son has had some girlfriend issues.

I didn’t have any particular hope for her to be a daughter - would honestly have been happy with either.

AmIRightOrAMeringue · 02/09/2018 17:34

My mum has me (female) and a son. We can sit and natter away for hours but our personalities are quite similar. That hadn't stopped her being just as close to my brother though - he moved back from another town to be close to my parents and sees them a couple of times a week or more with his family. We have holidays all together and sometimes my family take my parents and sometimes his family take them. I don't think gender has really made a difference to how close anyone is in our case

Original poster
beclev24 · 02/09/2018 17:36

funinthesun ooh how exciting! Congratulations!

OP posts:
Lethaldrizzle · 02/09/2018 17:37

Makes no difference. They're all human

sickmumma · 02/09/2018 17:37

I had two boys then a girl - I am now pregnant again and I am hoping for a boy but obviously would be happy either way! Don't get me wrong I love my girly but she is much harder work than my boys ever have been and I was always a bit of a Tom boy so find the boys games etc more interesting! I

WhirlyGigWhirlyGig · 02/09/2018 17:39

My daughter is an adult now but when she was small she was erm, interesting. She was and still is sometimes sullen, she had the worst tantrums I've ever seen in a child, she was fussy, a master manipulator... you get the picture.
Her two older brothers were dream children to raise compared to her. We're close now but by Christ I pulled my hair out when she was small.

Hushnownobodycares · 02/09/2018 17:39

Dd has been hard work high maintenance from the get go while the ds's are more laid back and easy going. All down to personality IME.

FaFoutis · 02/09/2018 17:39

I had 2 boys then a girl. The girl is/was not a better, more fulfilling or easier experience at all. It has been different, but only as each boy was different. If I was to generalise I would say the boys were easier, they are more affectionate and open than the girl and I worry about their future less.
My daughter is a different sort of person to me, so far anyway. My oldest son is more similar to me.
The best bit was being able to enter the girl section of John Lewis childrenswear department. JL have ruined that now by mixing them up, but the novelty wore off quickly anyway.

mishfish · 02/09/2018 17:39

My boy was easy compared to my girls. My girls so not stop whinging (but that may be due to age and close age gap)

funinthesun18 · 02/09/2018 17:39

Thank you! I don’t think I’ll fullly believe it until the baby is out to be honest.

FelixTitling · 02/09/2018 17:39

I have one of each (young teens). My relationship with each of them is very different, but I think this is because they have very different personalities and not because they are male or female. I am equally close to both.

The only thing I don't really do with ds that I do with dd is have weekends away on our own. Equally, dh hasn't gone away with dd on his own, but does with ds. They have weekends away based around a shared sporting activity that dd and I aren't interested in. Dd and I enjoy city breaks (shopping, art galleries etc) which ds and dh don't like to do.

sickmumma · 02/09/2018 17:40

I sometimes wonder if the order has effected her behaviour - girl after two boys - the boys give in to her and let her get away with much more than they do each other! and she was the only Girl in the family for a while so she is time and money spoilt at times although not intentionally and I think she has started to
Cotton onto this!

formerbabe · 02/09/2018 17:41

As babies my DD was much harder work.

As children though, I find parenting my ds to be a lot more physically demanding. Everyday, my sole focus would be to make sure he got enough fresh air and exercise to burn off his energy. I found this exhausting because even in the worst weather, you'll find me out in the park..even on Christmas day, I'd be thinking right, we need to get outside or get him doing something physical.. otherwise he's climbing the walls! My DD is far happier to chill at home. She can have a quiet day without bouncing off the walls!

amy85 · 02/09/2018 17:41

It's all swings and roundabouts...

But.... I had two boys then my daughter came along and eesh she's a different level than the boys ever were lol...she learns from her brothers so is very rough and tumble and then she has her own little attitude going on...she definitely keeps me on my toes way more than the boys ever did

PositiveVibez · 02/09/2018 17:44

My mum had 4 girls and a boy last. She said that if she would have had him first, she wouldn't have had any more 😂😂

In jest of course, but she said she found it much harder bringing up my little bro. But also she was 40 when she had him so that may have been a factor.

FarrahMoan · 02/09/2018 17:44

We had a DD 4 months ago. She has 2 older brothers. Obviously too early to say but to date she has the sunniest personality. They've all been good sleepers.
If we had another I genuinely don't think I'd mind whether they were a boy or girl but I am chuffed to bits to have a daughter

GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat · 02/09/2018 17:45

Genuinely, genuinely, no difference.

I have two boys and a girl and they are between 14-8 now, of course they are different personalities but they have all been easy/ difficult at different times and not one of those instances has related to their sex. I am very close to all my children and they’ve needed me in different ways at different times and it’s far more about your parenting style/ personality and your child’s personality than anything close to being linked to their sex.

SoupDragon · 02/09/2018 17:46

My sons were simpler than my daughter. Not easier as such but she seemed more complicated than they did. They seemed “typical” insofar as you fed them and let them run about.

They’re all different really so it’s impossible to say. I’m not closer to my DD at all though and I wouldn’t say raising her was “better”.

I do wish I hadn’t had to deal with the whole period thing though!! Boys are better in that respect.

lljkk · 02/09/2018 17:46

Women have such different reasons for wanting a DD. Right now I can't remember why I was hoping for a DD. They seemed like good reasons at the time, but completely forgotten & nothing I'm listing here.

One friend said "Because I don't want to be the only female in the house."
Others want a mini-Me, or to share mummy-girl things. Or to recreate a loving and very female bond they had with own mothers. Or to feel like they 'understand' what the girl likes or thinks like.

I think a lot of men feel all those things about having a son, too.

In our household the stereotype is very true that the girl is mostly the easiest, the hardest working, the most compliant, the most ambitious, 95% the girl is the sort of kid MNers seem to either boast about or aspire to boast about. And my boys are anything but those things. That said, I get along better with my boys.

Branleuse · 02/09/2018 17:51

I think dd and ds1 have been my hardest. Dd is possibly my most complex but i do have a good connection with her.

I think all in all its not massively different, but then my girl is not stereotypically girly and my boys are not stereotypically boyish

Original poster
beclev24 · 02/09/2018 17:52

really interesting replies thanks! i think i probably idealise daughters in my mind because I have never had one, and so my fantasy daughter would never be rude or naughty or exhausting or badly behaved etc etc. I'm sure none of this is true!

OP posts:
GreenMeerkat · 02/09/2018 17:52

I have two DDs and they are like chalk and cheese. Best of pals, but completely different.

All children are individuals regardless of sex.

rainingcatsanddog · 02/09/2018 17:53

I have boy, girl, boy and it is their invidial personality and development that brings joy not their sex. Society treats them differently because of sex but to me, they are 3 individuals with a different combination of their Dad, me and other stuff in their genes.

My dd wished for a sister when younger but as a teen, loves being the only female child. I have an awful relationship with my mum (NC for 20 years) so my dd has made me think a lot about that but I'm happy to say that we have a brilliant relationship. She truly is a far better version of me which is fantastic.

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