If you have boy/s then a daughter...

[beclev24]

Is having a daughter a much ‘better’ more fulfilling/easier experience?? I don’t mean do you love them more- I’m assuming you don’t. Just is the actual experience of raising a daughter really that much better than a son?

I have seen so many gender disappointment threads on here and have felt it myself from time to time (I have 3DS’s). I adore my sons completely but all I hear on here and in RL is about women wanting daughters/how much easier/more fun girls are and how much closer the relationship with a daughter is than with a son. It makes me feel that I must be really missing out.

Please be honest- if you have both, especially if you had a girl after one or more boys, is it everything you hoped for/so very different?

They’re all very different, but I have ‘enjoyed’ my DD more. Early days though, she’s only 4. My boys are 11, 10 & 7. They are all hard bloody work. DD is a dream in comparison, though she does hold her own!

Completely different personalities of course but have two sons and then my daughter.

My sons have been a lot easier than my daughter. She’s 12 now and the last couple of years have been particularly bad. Not sure if it’s a clash of personalities between the two of us or what but it’s been a very tough two years.

Mum of 3 girls here.
Whenever I see these threads about disappointment I always want to say Ive had repeated negative comments especially in the early days (husband outnumbered, doesnt he want a son, your going to have your hands full when theyre teenagers), asked if im trying for a boy next etc. So my experience is it goes both ways, unless you have one of each there is an expectation that you will want whatever you haven't got. It is only on here that ive heard so much bias towards girls, not felt it in real life. No one has ever said 3 girls how lovely!

All three are different, one is tidy and likes make up, one likes football, slime and animals.

My DSIS has boys, theyre delightful, chatty darlings and I can't imagine her (or us) loving them any more if they were girls.

And having been through the teens with one, they are not easy. Perhaps id have different fears for a boy, but weve had sexual assault, grooming, bullying, truanting, theft. Girls are not easy, they kick off, bicker, jump in puddles and ruin their shoes, wipe bogeys everywhere, have an answer for everything, have neverending friendship dramas. Theyre also loving, empathetic, loyal, dramatic.

Ive probably made myself sound like a terrible parent with badly behaved kids but I'm just trying to say girls are not easy.

I had a boy first, then daughters. Boy was much easier than daughters, until they all grew up. They are much more straightforward animals. DD1 was VERY HARD WORK

I find the expectations put on children based on sex weird and potentially damaging. My mum has a difficult relationship with my younger sister, a lot can be attributed to the fact my sister is immature and quite selfish but I also feel my mums expectations of my sister are unfair and very different from her expectations of her relationship with my brothers of a similar age. Just because she’s a girl she’s expected to behave a certain way whereas she’s actually more like my brothers in her outlook. My mum is constantly disappointed and she’s missed out on the relationship they could have had because of the relationship she thinks they should have had.

Daughters, easier? 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

I don't know if it's boy vs girl or first vs second but my dd is definitely not easier!

I have two boys and a girl and IMO the experience of raising each was down to their characters, not their gender. Each is special in their own way. My dd is 10 and we are close but I think that's down to her personality not because she's the only girl.

My boy was so so much easier. High school so far has been a minefield with friendship issues. I find it very hard as a parent. I’m just hoping the grown up years will be easier!

I never wanted a dd as was scared it would be like my mother and I. She abandoned me as a toddler and I never lived with her again. I had BGB. There is no difference with gender. My first born is my whole world and I think that is due to personality. I love them all and they are all my favourites for different reasons but right now my DD and DS2 are causing me just as much though for different reasons.

I don't think my mother would agree that boys are much more straightforward animals. Both her eldest and her youngest son were very sensitive creatures who needed a lot of intuition and could get very emotional very quickly. If anyone was straightforward it was probably her only daughter. As a parent, I have found that my son is the one who is like me in personality: fiercely protective of our independence, don't like showing emotion, but do like being right. Whereas my dd is far more like my brother and my mother: wears her heart on her sleeve and suffers from mood swings.

I think where they come in birth order has an impact on who they are. I have two boys then two girls. All different individuals. If I were to pair them up, I’d match the oldest and youngest as most alike (probably ‘easiest’ as very self-contained, laid back and straight-forward), and the two middle ones are very similar (extroverts, competitive, always on the go).

My daughter is my youngest and she’s the most vocal. She’s moans sooo much. She’s only 4 though so to be expected! I always wanted a daughter, I won’t lie, but always knew she’d never be raised a ‘princess’ and would be treated exactly the same as our boys. She’s in to girly stuff - dolls, pink, shiny stuff, but still likes pinching her brothers cars and mucking about in a heap with them all. Obviously I wouldn’t be without her but to me, she’s ‘her’ and not what anyone thinks she should be just because she’s a girl, if that makes sense.

I had a boy then a girl. The boy has been far more "difficult" for me - a needy baby, much more defiant, needs a lot more exercise and to be out every day (which does not suit me personally as I am a lazy bean and could happily spend all day on the sofa, as could my DD - but I bet an athletic person would love having my DS). My girl has so far been very easy but she is only 4. I could put her on the floor and drink a whole cup of tea when she was a baby, which I couldn't do with my son as he would have screamed the place down. However I think that is just their personalities and the way they interact with my personality, and not the fact one is a boy and one is a girl.

Such interesting replies. Do people feel naturally more connected to their daughters do you think? Even if they might be harder work?

I think the more connected thing would be hard to judge if the girl is the youngest. The youngest is usually more physically connected to the mother and needs more attention.

3 sons then DD.

Dear God, she's another world!
Really hard work.

I don't know what combination of the following is responsible for it...

1. I've always understood males more that females and never been into pretty dresses and make-up. (I don't understand her)
2. Her being the youngest (And holding her own with 3 older siblings)
3. Her being a girl rather than a boy.
4. Her own personality.

I have a boy girl then boy.
Small age gap between last 2.

dd was very boyish until primary school .

She's very much girly and enjoys doing things the other 2 don't do Eg shopping, afternoon tea. etc
and she behaves better than the other 2 would in the same situations. My youngest ds kicks off and starts moaning or saying he's bored.

I love having a dd, I love all my kids equally but having a dd I can do things I enjoy its great.

She also said when she grows up she wants us to be sister's

Yes in my case I feel more connected to my dd but that's because we enjoy the same things .

Yes- I think it’s the ‘enjoying the same things’ but that I miss. It’s not that boys can’t enjoy girly things but that all of society is pushing them in the opposite direction and pushing them to do and enjoy girly pursuits can feel quite loaded and complicated

‘’The only thing I don't really do with ds that I do with dd is have weekends away on our own. Equally, dh hasn't gone away with dd on his own, but does with ds. They have weekends away based around a shared sporting activity that dd and I aren't interested in. Dd and I enjoy city breaks (shopping, art galleries etc) which ds and dh don't like to do’’

I think like it or not, this is true a lot of the time. I posted on another thread about missing out on this sort of thing because I have 3 boys. You just have people pile in telling you that gender is irrelevant, which is bizarre as there really aren’t that many adult sons that have lots of shared and connected interests with their mums. No one bats an eyelid at a mother daughter spa day but a mother son spa day would raise eyebrows.

@beclev24 my boys don't enjoy anything remotely girly that I like whereas my dd does enjoys both.

she's 5 but I also find her to be more caring than the other 2 Eg if someone is sick she will ask them how they are if they need anything or pat/ rub their head to reassure them.

The other 2 just don't and I bring them up to be caring too

I have both. Ds is older than dd. He was a really easy baby and child. Dd was born assertive and opinionated and never slept through the night. Apparently just like me when I was a kid.
But they both had their moments of horror as teenagers.
I m close to them both but if I m honest my son was much easier to bring up than my daughter.

I've just had a girl after a bit of a gap of having our three boys close together. I absolutely adore my boys and had I only ever had them I could have died a happy woman. However, having a DD too is wonderful.

When we found out at the scan that she was a girl I felt like the luckiest person alive to be able to have the experience of having a little girl as well as my three gorgeous boys.

I don't think it's a case of girls are better, or boys are better, but there are slightly different aspects to having them which are lovely to be able to experience.

I feel sad when I read the gender disappointment threads, because all babies are a blessing, but I also sympathise with the feeling of wanting to have the experience of raising both boys and girls.

I have a DD 13 we were very very close when she was younger and she was never a daddy’s girl but now she is and our relationship isn’t brilliant a lot of the time. I am hoping we get our closeness back. DS and I have always been close although our relationship is changing now. When they were younger both were cuddly. I think although I love them both our relationships are slightly different with both (a lot maybe depends on you, the child and the child’s age and whatever is going on in their lives and minds).

The girly pursuits themselves are loaded and complicated for girls too. My son wearing nail varnish would suggest liberal parenting and go down well in middle class circles, my young daughter wearing nail varnish (or more likely plastered in make-up she found somewhere) is not seen in the same way. She likes crop tops and hot pants, but she doesn't know why.