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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

If you have boy/s then a daughter...

115 replies

beclev24 · 02/09/2018 17:31

Is having a daughter a much ‘better’ more fulfilling/easier experience?? I don’t mean do you love them more- I’m assuming you don’t. Just is the actual experience of raising a daughter really that much better than a son?

I have seen so many gender disappointment threads on here and have felt it myself from time to time (I have 3DS’s). I adore my sons completely but all I hear on here and in RL is about women wanting daughters/how much easier/more fun girls are and how much closer the relationship with a daughter is than with a son. It makes me feel that I must be really missing out.

Please be honest- if you have both, especially if you had a girl after one or more boys, is it everything you hoped for/so very different?

OP posts:
Original poster
beclev24 · 02/09/2018 22:55

neverhadanymarbles that’s so fascinating. Why would you pick boy?

OP posts:
Thehop · 02/09/2018 22:59

I had 3 boys in my 20s-30s

Then a dd when I remarried at 38.

All babies are the same, but she’s harder work than they ever were. Maybe because I’m older? Though I feel much more relaxed so I’m not sure. She’s more demanding of attention, braver and sleeps much worse than they ever did too, but it’s loveky seeing them look after her. They’re far nicer to her than each other!

Britchick77 · 02/09/2018 23:09

The pattern with the kids in my circle of friends is pretty similar: the boys bounce off the walls from the minute they wake up, and if they are not fed and exercised get incredibly annoying and start seeking attention, e,g, by kicking a football inside/jumping on the sofa. But once they are fed and exercised they are ok. It does make restaurants and theatre and train journeys difficult. They are more like dogs.

The girls are more like cats, quieter, less obviously demanding but more can be more complicated, moody and emotionally draining - and sometimes manipulative - but they can sit still, which makes them much easier to take places.

LusaCole · 02/09/2018 23:16

I have two sons and a daughter. My daughter is easier than one of my sons, but harder than the other. I'm close to all of them though.

Original poster
beclev24 · 02/09/2018 23:19

britchick funnily enough my boys have both those traits. They can be both boisterous and emotional/moody/complicated (DS1 is more the latter, DS2 more the former but both do both at different times). Must be doing something wrong!

OP posts:
formerbabe · 02/09/2018 23:20

I totally agree with the cat/dog analogy!

6triesbuttingout · 02/09/2018 23:28

2 boys and a girl here, quite a large gap as daughter wasn’t planned but she was a dream. Helped that boys were that bit older and were brill with her. I’m so proud of her!

Couldyoupossiblybeabitquieter · 02/09/2018 23:52

Only one DD so I don't really have a basis for comparison myself, but I've noticed that a lot of DD's friends' parents label their child's behaviour differently depending on sex. E.g. a tantrum-throwing toddler trying to wreck the room is labelled "my diva child" if a girl or "a typically boisterous boysy boy" if male, even if it's the exact same behaviour.

timeisnotaline · 02/09/2018 23:57

I have two boys and would be chuffed to have a girl. One reason is down the track they are likely to go on mat leave and spend a number of months home with a baby - you don’t get that opportunity to bond with adult sons the same way, and it isn’t the same for many women with your sons wife.
Other reasons are I am a big fan of women in stem and would love to be able to support a daughter to be as good as she could be and wanted in any field she chose (obvs aware that field could be non stem)

Sallystyle · 03/09/2018 00:19

I had three boys, then two girls.

I always wanted a girl. I didn't think it would happen but then my first marriage ended and I met dh.

There was no difference as babies. Well, number 5 was a nightmare for three months but apart from that there was no difference.

As toddlers I found my girls easier to parent. They weren't quite as energetic as my boys. They have much calmer personalities and were much easier to raise. However, I was very young when I had my boys so I think being more mature and being happier accounts for a lot of that.

My oldest daughter is 11 and very hormonal. My boys are all teens. So far I think parenting teen boys have been easier. I find her more hard work, emotionally. She is a very intense child though.

I don't know how much is down sex or individual personalities. I suspect the sex has very little to do with it though.

MrsFoxPlus4 · 03/09/2018 00:24

I have a boy & twin girls. The only joy my twin girls give me that he doesn’t is they came after my stillborn daughter. But they are all amazing little humans, with different personalities so if I ever had anymore I’d just be excited to see who they become!

Turkkadin · 03/09/2018 00:55

I've got 2 girls aged 31 and 13 and a son 14. I've never heard my friends say their daughters were harder to raise or less enjoyable than their sons. Some children are definately easier than others but I don't think it's down to gender at all. My 13 year old daughter is definately a challenge and she drives me mad sometimes. She is also clever, practical and so so funny. I love the bones of her.

LeighaJ · 03/09/2018 08:16

I find it really sad that so many people think girls are harder work, it says a lot more about the parent then it does the child.

SoupDragon · 03/09/2018 08:34

I find it really sad that so many people think girls are harder work, it says a lot more about the parent then it does the child.

It really doesn’t.

SoupDragon · 03/09/2018 08:35

People here are talking about their experiences.

SingleCellParamecium · 03/09/2018 08:42

I had two boys then a girl. They are 7, 5 and 2 now. People always ask me if it is very different having a girl. I can’t say i’ve Noticed any difference really. Obviously they all have their own personalities but they’ve all been fairly similar in how they’ve developed, so far, interested to see if that changes as they get older. The boys do dote on their little sister, I wonder if that might be different if she was another boy? I have enjoyed the wider selection of clothes to buy for her I have to say!

Phuquocdreams · 03/09/2018 08:44

LeighaJ why do you not feel the same about the parents who find boys harder work/who prefer girls? Is that not equally sad?

LeighaJ · 03/09/2018 08:44

It's a pervasive sexist attitude in society.

I don't doubt that some Mother's find it more difficult to raise a daughter, that doesn't mean the child herself is more difficult.

ItsColdNow · 03/09/2018 08:47

If you have more than one child, that is such an odd question. Is raising a daughter better/more fulfilling? I’d assume with 3 DS you are aware how different each child is and that it’s completely personality dependant ‘how easy’ they are and entirely up to you how ‘fulfilling’ they are and nothing to do with sex.

Believeitornot · 03/09/2018 08:49

I had a boy first then a girl.

I have different relationships with them but that’s mainky because of personality, age and their place in the family. Eg I have the benefit of experience when dealing with my youngest (who’s my daughter).

I try and be very mindful when dealing with both dcs and not, inadvertently or subconsciously, put their behaviour in stereotypes. Eg my daughter isn’t more manipulative or sneaky - my ds lies as well.

I don’t find one harder than the other because of their gender. Any one of them can be harder than the other at any particular moment - because of the things above eg age, personalities etc. Or even how they are on the day and most importantly, how I am on the day. My mood affects my parenting massively.

deptfordgirl · 03/09/2018 08:50

I have a son and now a daughter. My daughter is still very young but the only differences I have noticed so far is my son is very clingy and sensitive. My daughter so far seems to be more independent and this was also the case with me compared to my brother but this may be a personality thing or a younger sibling thing. Also people talk a lot about how pretty my dd is and comment more on her clothes and tend to baby her a bit more.

grasspigeons · 03/09/2018 08:51

I had a very close friend say it was a shame I didn't get to be a real mum cos I had 2 boys. Apparently a mum of a boy is just like a caretaker until he finds the real woman in his life (his wife) and a mum of a girl is there for the longhaul to help her daughter raise her grandchildren so the whole relationship is longer and more important and therefore more fulfilling.

So i've often wondered what its like to be a real mum too Grin

It quite heartening to hear that a lot of people have found it equally rewarding to have sons.

AlphaJuno · 03/09/2018 08:55

I've got a ds, 12, and 2 dds aged 10 and 5 months. So far I've found the girl easier. I've got more in common with my dd, we like to go shopping together (ds hardly ever wants to come) and being a girly girl myself have found it easier to think of games and activities my dd would enjoy. There's never been a problem with her behaviour at school and she picks things up easily. I'm glad I had a boy first but haven't found him easy to deal with (he's being assessed for adhd and/or ASD so maybe that's got something to do with it) but he's very challenging. The baby is still young so it's hard to say but I was pleased I had another girl tbh.

deptfordgirl · 03/09/2018 09:02

Also my dh has a very close relationship with his mum. He calls her every day, lives 20 minutes away and tells her almost everything. As a result they have a very close relationship with our dc. I found it hard at first and surprising but it shows sons can have very close relationships with mothers even into adulthood.

NoFucksImAQueen · 03/09/2018 09:07

purely my experience but I have 2 ds and a dd and my dd does things that make my heart melt more often. she is very much like me at the same age and I think that's a big factor.