Inheritance and Stepchildren

[calliebirds]

Feeling totally confused. A terrible thought occurred to me today and I need to know if I'm being unreasonable.

It's also hypothetical at this point.

DP has four kids from previous relationship.
Together we have one child.

If DP and I buy a house together how an earth do we deal with inheritance when we both pop our clogs?

Obviously I'm premature to be thinking about this but I'm actually worried now and wondering whether we should never buy a house together.

Would we divide the house in half, my half and his half. My only child would get my half which means in theory, DP would have to split his half between his five kids. Say the house was worth £250k, that would mean my child got £150k and each one of my step children would only get 25k. Which seems unfair to DPs kids if their sibling got so much more than them and yet part of me feels really uncomfortable about splitting it evenly between all of them as in my mind my half should go to my child as much as I love my step children, they aren't my children and my priority is my own child.

bangour , it seems as though you have given your situation a lot of planning, however as it appears you don’t have any children together why doesn’t your ds just inherit from his estranged df and your dh children inherit from your df.

Didn't you get with him knowing he had kids though. And do you want them all to fall out over money and your child being pushed out from its half brothers and sisters because of a decision you made. In my eyes you take on your partners kids if they have them before you get together think if the shoe was on the other foot and you had the 4 kids previously not him... Would you be thinking the same then or miffed off that he doesn't see your kids as equal. It's a joint house not half and half it only becomes half if you split up.

We've had this exact scenario happen in our family. dbil died unexpectedly (had 2 sons, remarried and had a further child with his new wife). All now adults. She died unexpectedly and left the bulk of the estate to her child with a smaller but decent amount to her stepsons. Her son decided he wanted to split it three ways and that's exactly what he has done. I do feel that (especially with young adults) you would be setting your son up for a big falling out. I also think you're right to ask your DM to leave her estate directly to your child, which means you don't have to worry about it.

Absolutely @dementedmummy, that’s what we did we weren’t married at the time so had the agreement drawn up in contemplation of marriage so now we are married it still stays the same.

Yep, split it in half and then divide each half up according to how many children that individual has. People who have more children have to accept that things such as inheritance will be divided up between that number. One of the reasons (there are others!) I have only had two children is because I want to give them my time while I am alive and my money after I’m gone and there will only be so much of each of those to go around. If I had 5 children each would be more diluted and I chose that I didn’t want that. His children can’t expect to get some of your share - unless you make that conscious decision yourself to give it to them.

It depends a bit on the ages of the children. If they have already grown up and left home when you come on the scene, I'd be less inclined to leave them any of my half. However, if they are growing up together with your own child, I think you should treat them equally.

Any inheritance is a bonus. Hopefully all the children will be equipped to make their own way in the world. With any luck, by the time you and their father die, they will be too old to be relying on an inheritance for a first house. By that stage it will be far more important to keep all the family as friends, not risk resentment over a couple of thousand pounds. Plus, by the time you die in 40-50 years or more, you will have known those step children that whole time. To leave them worse off at that stage would be unpleasant. Perhaps your mother can arrange to leave an extra something to your child in her will, if she doesn't want to leave her money to children she doesn't know.

Also, you didn't choose to have four children, but you did choose to marry someone with four children, I don't think you can pretend this isn't the case. Hopefully your child will benefit from being part of a larger family and have love and support from them as they are growing up that will be worth much more than money. I am one of three children. I certainly don't wish my sisters had never been born in order that I might inherit all of my parents' money (I will probably by 70 by then anyway!)

@bangourvillagebesttimeever

its an interesting one. I am in a different situation but my eldest isn't my OH.

He has been part of the family since he was a baby and now has three siblings with my OH who treats him as his own.
Okay.
However when it came down to my OH DP who are wealthy it is clear my eldest will get nothing.

So how is that treating him like his own?

OH is worried about my eldest inheriting from his estranged DF

I don't understand this. He's worried about this..yet he won't leave anything for him. Doesn't make sense and sounds hypocritical.

however we have always made clear any money he receives is shared with his siblings

So why would this be shared? Your Ex's money shouldn't go to your DC with another man...when that man will leave your child nothing.

Unless I've misunderstood something... your first DS loses every which way.

@Scotland32 Yes! I won't be having anymore DC. I have one and for me that's enough. Even before I met DP I knew I didn't want to have more than that for the exact reasons you have said.

DP chose to have four before I came along so he would have known that any inheritance would be split between four which just means they all get less.

@oldsockeater I was talking to my DP about it last night and he mentioned something I hadn't even thought of.

His eldest is only 8 years younger than me so if I live a long life and it's old age that finally takes me, any inheritance is hardly going to be beneficial. If I died at 80, his eldest would already be 72. The rest of the children would be 70, 68, 66 and my DC would be 58. So yes, I'd imagine all of them would have made their own way by then.

Although, saying that, you never know. I could die tomorrow.

@lauramaywharton If the shoe was on the other foot, in all honesty, I wouldn't expect my DP to share his half equally between his child and mine.

But. It's early days still. I may feel differently in 10 years time.

When you buy a house don't buy as joint tenants as that mean's that partner gets it all if something happened to you and then can distribute as he sees fit. Imagine if something happened to you. Your partner then marries and passes away.. his partner can then get it all and not pass to aby kids !
If you buy as tenants in common you state the % you own. You then need a will to leave your 50% to whomever you want and your dp can leave his hlf to whomever he wants. That way you can ensure your child gets part of the property

@Littlefeather Yes, you're definitely right. By the time this even become an issue, it might not be for another 30+ years. How I feel when the time comes, if it comes, whenever it comes, I may feel entirely differently.

Interesting actually my DPs dad remarried after divorce and then died suddenly without a will. So his life insurance paid off the mortgage of the house he bought with his new wife. Then the house was passed to her.

When the new wife dies I expect it will go to her son ( she already had from a prior relationship.) it's hers now to decide, it's one of those things. It's worth considerably more now due to it being a long time since he died.

A will is key to decide these things.

I wouldn’t wait to leave her a huge inheritance and bad feeling.
In your position I would ask your parents to bypass you and your ds inherits their house once they pass as per their wishes.
From your dp’s side once inheritance arrives this buys the family home, when you both die this is spoilt equally between all children.

This is the only way you will manage this situation fairly.

Yes your ds will lose a very small percentage but this is worth it to remain on good terms with his half siblings (they are the only family he will have)

Spilt
Him

I have 2 grown up step children and my husband and I have 3 of our own who are still very young. We will split 50% 3 ways and 50% 5 ways. I was unsure about this but it was my husbands suggestion. We both pay equally into the house.
My Mum and step Dad have 4 children between them 2 his and then me and my brother (none together). There’s will be split 4 ways (easier I guess as they had 2 each). My step Mum has no kids so her and my dad’s will just be split between me and my brother. Although as she is 15 years younger than my Dad once he has gone (presuming he goes first) she may change her mind. I doubt she will but who knows.
It is hard thinking what is right. I very rarely see my step daughters as they are grown up have their own lives and one works every weekend which is pretty much the only time we have free as we both work full time. While they were young my husband and I tried to see them all the time involve them with our kids etc but this was made very difficult by their Mum. I don’t think they really see me as a step Mum just their Dad’s wife (although i have tried and will always be there for them if needed) However I do wonder if I would push to split the inheritance 5 equal ways if we had a different relationship. My husband would love to see them more and be more involved but in their lives and has tried but it has been difficult.

Maybe ur DP’s half could just go to ur step children without having to cut in ur child so they would get a little bit more but ur child would still get a bigger portion. Have u asked ur DP how he feels about it?

My father and step mother split it 50-50, so we three had a third of 50% and her kids had a half of 50%.

I am very sure that if she had had three kids and we had been two it would have been divided equally, I am also sure that if father had gone before her we would have had nothing on his side.

Get the impression she was the actual evil stepmother? You are right.

Assuming you put in the SAME deposit and pay the SAME amount towards the mortgage, you own half each. That's the straightest way to do it.

Then you're right, your half would go to your biological child and his half divided between his biological descendants.

Draw this up legally and if he doesn't agree, don't buy the house together.

His kids from another woman are the responsibility of HIM and HER. You didn't make them and don't owe them an inheritance although of course you should love them and help raise them.

His eldest is only 8 years younger than me
So you’re 22 and not sure about the relationship. He’s clearly far older than you. Why are you even discussing this? Why are you even considering marriage?

@Mummyoflittledragon Um? Why would I not consider marriage? Why would I not want to discuss things relating to our future?

I don't understand why this new knowledge I've brought forward changes anything.

To come at this from another point of view my dad has been with my step mum for over 15 years, she has no children. I would not expect to receive anything when she passes, I would expect this to go to her family. I have a dd and am currently saving to buy a house on my own, if I were to buy with a partner I wouldn’t ever expect my daughter to inherit anything from them if we had kids together as it’s upto me and her dad to make sure she’s looked after appropriately. Having said that my mum and step dad have agreed to split everything equally between all of the kids..... I guess it’s each to their own.

Surely you need to decide if you want to be tied to this man for the long term before you discuss marriage and wills. They’re both emotive subjects. I understand you don’t want to coast. However you sound like a person, who is determined to fix their long term future when they’re not in a position to do so. I also think your age and the ages of the stepchildren is a massive drip feed tbh. It puts a very different perspective on things.

Interesting discussion

My DH and i have one child together. He has two children from precious marriage.

Our family Home funded 100% by me and we split bills 70/30 as I earn more.

If one of us dies goes to surviving partner. However if both die goes solely to our child.

Basically any inheritance will have originated from me and my family so step children get nothing.

There will be nothing if my DH goes first as he has no savings etc

Why do people always complain about drip feeding? She only told us that because she was asked, it's not really drip feeding in this case. I get so sick of the massively long OPs just 'to avoid drip feeding'. Why do posters complain so much about it??