Inheritance and Stepchildren

[calliebirds]

Feeling totally confused. A terrible thought occurred to me today and I need to know if I'm being unreasonable.

It's also hypothetical at this point.

DP has four kids from previous relationship.
Together we have one child.

If DP and I buy a house together how an earth do we deal with inheritance when we both pop our clogs?

Obviously I'm premature to be thinking about this but I'm actually worried now and wondering whether we should never buy a house together.

Would we divide the house in half, my half and his half. My only child would get my half which means in theory, DP would have to split his half between his five kids. Say the house was worth £250k, that would mean my child got £150k and each one of my step children would only get 25k. Which seems unfair to DPs kids if their sibling got so much more than them and yet part of me feels really uncomfortable about splitting it evenly between all of them as in my mind my half should go to my child as much as I love my step children, they aren't my children and my priority is my own child.

I'm wondering what people would make of a thread started by a stepchild saying that they think they are entitled to a share of a stepparent's assets.

I depends on the details. Could you paint a scenario?

Surly this is a conversation you could have with the actual children when they are adults. If they know in advance then it won't be something they have to address when they are grieving. I dont think they would resent either parent.

Half the assets go equally to the ops children, half the assets go equally to the fathers children. And dont forget to mention that 100% of the other mothers assets will go to four (out of the five) children as well.

There will never be a simple equal split as there are 3 parents involved, possibly four when the time comes.

part of me feels really uncomfortable about splitting it evenly between all of them as in my mind my half should go to my child as much as I love my step children, they aren't my children and my priority is my own child.

I might be unpopular here, but I think that if you can't want exactly the same for your DH's kids as your own and will always assign a greater value to your joint child than to your husband's children, you probably shouldn't be planning on marrying him. His kids are just as important to him and yours is to you. His relationship with his ex is now over, but he will be his kids' Dad forever. They are not to blame for their parents' split.

What about in your (hopefully long) lives together before you die? Will you allocate a £200 budget for Christmas presents and split it so that your joint child gets £100 and his four get £25 each? Once you marry, you become a new family, regardless of any other parents that your joint kids may have.

I'm prepared to be flamed, but it sounds perfectly simple to me: You and he have a child; he separately has four other children, so you as a married couple have a total of five children (notwithstanding any more that you may have). Assuming you do marry and go on to stay married for the rest of your lives, you would naturally split your joint assets equally between your five children, so they all get 20% each. Whether or not any of the children inherit anything from anybody else - be it another parent, future spouse, future in-law - is irrelevant here. Am I missing something or is this not obvious?

Am I missing something or is this not obvious?

This is one of those issues that you either get or don't. Im with you. All kids together regardless of whose they biologically are and how many.

Sorry, I misread your OP as you don't mention any intention to marry; but I still believe that, if you're both together at the point of your death, what I said should still stand.

Sorting out life insurance is probably more critical. What would happen if either (or you both) died and there were no funds to care for your child?

The more I’ve read through, the more I’m convinced by the 50:50 split of assets at this point. Your step children need some protection that they will be included in the will as does your child. You have to think about what would happen if you died and your husband were to re-marry. You’d hope he’d do the right thing but so many people seem not to. When my grandparents divorced, my grandfather ran off with the other woman and was wealthy. He then died and left everything to her. My dad and his brother got nothing- no cash, no sentimental objects- nothing. However, the hard faced cow did ask my dad if he wanted my Grandfather’s underwear!

When I finally get round to writing my will (which I know I must do) I want some provision so that if either of us dies and remarries, a proportion must go to our children together once the last one standing dies. I Don’t know how feasible that is but I don’t want to leave it to chance that a future wife of my dead husband will do the right thing and remember our children. Obviously what I hope is that we grow old together and all is rosy but I guess the whole point of having a will is to scenario plan and think about worst case scenarios.

I have just bought a house with my DH. We have 1 DC and he has 2 DC from his previous marriage we are yet to sort our wills but I’ve been trying to work out how we would split the house between all 3 kids too. My SDC’s mum does own her own house which is significantly more valuable than ours and they will inherit this and I feel my DD with my DH should get at least a 50% share of our house were we to go but wonder if it’s a bit unfair to my SDC, as they are very much a part of our family.

It’s a tricky one

I feel my DD with my DH should get at least a 50% share of our house were we to go but wonder if it’s a bit unfair to my SDC, as they are very much a part of our family.

I think you just need to do what is fair to the the group of children between you and dp. As per previous poster step parent may die before any spouse and they make have a different idea of what to do with it.

As a stepchild of a very wealthy stepfather who has a child with my mother, I do not expect anything. Tbh I don’t think I am getting anything from him. Bit of an issue with my mum and her husband at the mo. Trying to do a will but not agreeing due to same circumstances you are discussing.
I genuinely don’t think I have any entitlement to his money and definitely not expecting any. BUT If you are not splitting house costs equally inc house purchase then his children should prob get slightly more.

All of these children are his children - so you are basically asking him to favour his child with you over his other biological children. You married him - step children and all. if it was me, I would want to make sure all 5 children were provided for. I love my hubby and would want all his children provided for - not just any that were biologically mine.

I'm going to go against the grain and say why not just split it equally among all the children (your own and your husband's)..then all the siblings get an equal share and there is no family rifts caused by it and no "dad liked me better because I was left more" etc...

I havnt read the while thread but you to need to see a solicitor and get this sorted, I’m in the same situation other than I have a daughter from a previous marriage. In our case my half is split between my 2 daughters and my husbands between his 2 sons and our daughter, we also have a agreement written by the solicitor starting these terms, I know it sound very cold and clinical but when you have children from previous relationships it can be awful if things are not in place and a parent dies, I’ve known stepchildren to inherit everything because things had not been put in place

its an interesting one. I am in a different situation but my eldest isn't my OH. He has been part of the family since he was a baby and now has three siblings with my OH who treats him as his own. However when it came down to my OH DP who are wealthy it is clear my eldest will get nothing. Which i agree with but it will be hard when he sees his siblings getting large amounts of cash and he gets nothing based on biology. My OH and his DB however have agreed that this will not be the case and they will share it out amongst the DC equally. Which is nice of them but not expected. I have worried about my eldest and thought about changing my pension to his name to ensure he is not left out in the future... however that wouldn't be fair on my other 3 DC. Interestingly my OH is worried about my eldest inheriting from his estranged DF however we have always made clear any money he receives is shared with his siblings.

We have ours set up like the initial scenario (sort of).

We each had one and one together so it would be my half to my two, his half to his two which in effect means mine and his get 25% and ours gets 50%. The others will inherit (probably more) from their other parents.

However we have left it to each other first and have to trust that each other will honour that split once we are gone! DH can of course do another will if I go first and vice versa.

We do not want to get into life interests etc as it is too limiting.

I haven't read through all the threads so may be missing something along the way but this is a really common scenario so dont worry about raising it with your solicitor. A liferent/lifeinterest if you are in the UK should do the trick. You need to ensure there is no survivorship destination in the titles. In essence you give your dp the right to live in your one half share on your death and the onhis death (or remarriage if you want) it passes to your ds. He does the same only on your death it passes to his 5 children. Also reduces care home fees for the surviving partner as only their one half share can get taken into account for the financial assessment and not the whole house. Also if you are not married get a cohabitation agreement drawn up to regulate what happens if you seperate. Good luck x

We had the same type of question - my DP is worth more than me now although I am worth a lot more dead which then evens up! I would definitely suggest you need to get a will written by an understanding solicitor - mine was great - and yes tenants in common was what he suggested. We had it written in that either of us can remain in the property for our lifetime if the other does but that their portion of the house (based on what our proportions were when purchased) should form part of our final estates then added to those the death benefits at that time our individual estates go to our own children. So my percentage of the property plus my life assurance pay outs will be split between my three children equally but they cannot remove him from our home in the meantime. If he goes first I have right to remain but his portion goes into trust to be split to his three children. That was the fairest we could come up with. We do not have though a child between us and that isn’t going to happen either! Good luck!

bangourvillagebesttimeever

Whatever you would desire if your eldest does inherit from his estranged father you cannot force him to share with his siblings

My DH has teo otyer children and to with me. His estate will pass to all his children equally and my estate will pass to mine. My step chidren will inherit from their mum too and i have also made a provision for them out of my estate in terms of a fixed cash sum (rather than proceeds from property etc.). I have also made provision for my neices/nephews esp my meohew who doesn't have an dad who contributes.

Go see a solicitor - they can talk you through all the options. For example if my DH dies i wont be forced to sell the house to satisfy his will in terms of equity but once i die or decide to sell i will.

Honestly, 2 month old child...massively hormonal still, sleep deprived, lots going on, googly eyed about your first child and how this changes things including how you feel about your step-children. I suggest you wait until inheritance is a real issue before you raise it. You don’t own property together now, your DM is still alive. Yes, it needs to be discussed, but now may not be the best time! I’d normally advocate for wills asap but if there’s no real assets to speak of, just concentrate on getting life insurance in place first?

You can specify in your will exactly how you want assets like your property to be shared amongst children. There is no give that all children get an equal piece. Are there other assets that your DP may share with his other children?

I suppose it depends on how much you are each putting into the house. If it is half then you have half each to leave to dependants.

Your DP chose to have four children and must have known from the start that everything would be split four ways so that each child would have less. It is how it has worked with larger families since the time when you could first choose how many to have instead of being constantly fertile.

My DS had three children and I had two and she found her 'penny buns were fivepence' while my 'penny buns were fourpence'. My children potentially had more, if I had gone down the road of spoiling them. (Which I didn't.)

My advice is that your child gets your half and his children get his half.

I haven't rtft, but my initial thoughts are that joint assets obtained during the course of the marriage get split equally between all children. If one person put up a larger deposit then you could say that that sum be set aside for your child and then the equity is split between them all.

Any personal items, savings, etc. can go to your own child

Shalom you are correct but he knows that this will affect his inheritance from us

I should add shalom his DF is not wealthy and any amount he may receive will not be anywhere close to what he will receive from me. So he would be foolish not to share it and he knows that. a few thousand compared to 500K is a little different and even he knows that

Your solicitor will ask how you would like to own the joint property and you should choose tenants in common as this will allow you to leave your respective shares by your Will. The other way of owning joint property (joint tenants) the survivor of you will automatically acquire the other’s share on their death.
Then you should have a Will drawn up leaving your share to your child with a life interest for your husband if you would like him to remain in the property after your death. This is very standard practice