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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Inheritance and Stepchildren

450 replies

calliebirds · 01/09/2018 22:41

Feeling totally confused. A terrible thought occurred to me today and I need to know if I'm being unreasonable.

It's also hypothetical at this point.

DP has four kids from previous relationship.
Together we have one child.

If DP and I buy a house together how an earth do we deal with inheritance when we both pop our clogs?

Obviously I'm premature to be thinking about this but I'm actually worried now and wondering whether we should never buy a house together.

Would we divide the house in half, my half and his half. My only child would get my half which means in theory, DP would have to split his half between his five kids. Say the house was worth £250k, that would mean my child got £150k and each one of my step children would only get 25k. Which seems unfair to DPs kids if their sibling got so much more than them and yet part of me feels really uncomfortable about splitting it evenly between all of them as in my mind my half should go to my child as much as I love my step children, they aren't my children and my priority is my own child.

OP posts:
MyRelationshipIsWeird · 01/09/2018 22:43

Following - I’m considering buying somewhere with my DP and would love to know how others work this. Sorry I can’t advise.

NotMyCircusMonkeys · 01/09/2018 22:45

I would agree with you. Presumably your step children would also get an inheritance from their other parent? At the moment you are only factoring in one of their parents dying versus both of your child's.

Aprilshowersinaugust · 01/09/2018 22:45

Presumably his dc would benefit when there dm passed?!
Your dc together would be your half plus 1/5 off your dh.

Original poster
calliebirds · 01/09/2018 22:45

@MyRelationshipIsWeird it never occurred to me before today and then suddenly it hit me and I just thought shit! How is this going to work?! I really want us to have a future together, buy our own home, etc. But before I commit to something like that in the future, I need to know exactly where I stand.

OP posts:
Seeingadistance · 01/09/2018 22:47

You should go and see a solicitor to talk through the options available to you, decide what you want to do, and have those decisions formalised legally - presumably by making wills.

My DM has a friend whose husband died. The husband had been married before and had adult step-children. As I understand it, the widow (2nd wife) is entitled to live the house until she dies, and then it will pass to her step-children. The house was the sole property of her deceased husband - no mortgage at time of 2nd marriage.

Your situation isn't uncommon, so a solicitor should be aware of how you can ensure inheritance is worked out as fairly as possible and/or according to your wishes.

TwoOddSocks · 01/09/2018 22:48

What is the SDC's mother's financial situation? If they were inline for a significant inheritance from her (or that side of the daily in general) it makes sense they your DC gets more from you?

Seeingadistance · 01/09/2018 22:48

These are the deceased husband's children, not step-children.

Original poster
calliebirds · 01/09/2018 22:49

@Aprilshowersinaugust that's how I worked it.

250k

Half is mine. So 125k.

Then my child would also get 1/5 of DPs half. So in total he would get 150k.

Yet DPs kids would only get £25k.

Their mother rents like we do currently but I doubt she will ever own her home sadly. Her parents rent too so she isn't in line to inherit anything so cant see step children benefitting from mum Sad

OP posts:
Saidthesharktotheflyingfish · 01/09/2018 22:49

We looked at what they'll get overall. So DSCs will also get half their mother's house whilst my DC will get nothing from their father. We've added that factor into the splitting of our house and weighted it in favour of my DC so they will all end up with roughly the same when all inheritances are taken into account.

Thehop · 01/09/2018 22:49

His half split between his children your half split between yours.

Original poster
calliebirds · 01/09/2018 22:50

@NotMyCircusMonkeys Their mother rents like we do currently but I doubt she will ever own her home sadly. Her parents rent too so she isn't in line to inherit anything so cant see step children benefitting from mum Sad

OP posts:
LittleLionMansMummy · 01/09/2018 22:50

We've had similar discussions. Dh has two dc from his first marriage and two with me. We think we'll split it 50/50 with my half split two ways and his half split 4 ways.

Herewegoagain01 · 01/09/2018 22:51

You buy the house as tenants in common and in your deeds of trust state who gets your share. We had this when buying our house as I have 1 dc from a previous relationship. You need someone who specialises in this, a regular conveyancing solicitor can’t usually deal with complex cases.

LittleOwl153 · 01/09/2018 22:51

Ooh an intersting one.
Whatever you do as you say dp- I assume you are not married - so you need to take advice about how you make your purchase to protect everyone's interests. (Tenants in common etc)
I think I would split in half then each decide who inherits from there. Yes your step kids have another parent and therefore should not assume inheritance from 'your half'

AspieHere · 01/09/2018 22:52

What they will get from their mum is irrelevant. Should be split 50/50 then divided between the children.

My GPs marriage is second for them both, they don't have children together. Will goes assets split 50/50 and each 50 gets split between their own children.

DelilahandDaisy · 01/09/2018 22:52

Would you both be contributing equally to deposit? And mortgage payments? In this case I would keep separate savings accounts as well as protecting deposit/mortgage contributions.

Zampa · 01/09/2018 22:53

Would we divide the house in half, my half and his half. My only child would get my half which means in theory, DP would have to split his half between his five kids. Say the house was worth £250k, that would mean my child got £150k and each one of my step children would only get 25k

This is our plan - our 2 children together will get 37.5% of our estate each and his 2 will get 12.5%.

Original poster
calliebirds · 01/09/2018 22:54

Just to clarify:

I don't think my Step Children are likely to inherit anything from their Mum. She rents her home and isn't in line to inherit from her parents as they also rent.

So anything they get is probably going to be from my DP.

Also, I feel bad that they wouldn't get as much as my child but I also think it's fair that my child gets my half and DP splits his half between all of his kids, including our child. Even if that means it's uneven because they aren't my children and my priority has to be my child.

I would definitely make sure I saw solicitors, etc. And sorted everything to make sure this happened I'm just not sure how DP is going to feel about this as it's not
Something we have ever talked about!

OP posts:
purpleme12 · 01/09/2018 22:56

When our mum and stepdad die we know that everything house and everything will all be shared equally between us (the mum's children) and our stepdad's kids. I think this is fair there is no favouritism there and no one is being treated differently. Why can't you just do this

MyRelationshipIsWeird · 01/09/2018 22:56

Having thought about it a bit more, I’d probably be tempted to say your joint child only inherits from you rather than also getting 1/5 of their dad’s inheritance. I know technically that’s the right thing, but it does seem quite heavily weighted in favour of one child, which could cause even more animosity.

I suppose the really fair thing would be to treat all children as ‘children of the family’ rather than his and yours. Do you care for them when they’re with their dad, offer childcare in the holidays if you have your own DC at home? Spend holiday/Christmas together etc? Or are they quite separate to your own DC? For me I think this would colour how I felt about it.

crazycatgal · 01/09/2018 22:56

This is something MIL has been wondering about.

MIL and FIL own a house and have my DP, FIL has 2 other children from a previous marriage. What will happen to the house?

lottiegarbanzo · 01/09/2018 22:57

There are lots of different ways to do this, which will depend on the particular circumstances and no 'right answer'.

One option would be that you split it so your dc gets twice as much as the others, so one third of the whole, while the others get a sixth each.

You do need to talk it through and make your wills match, so that whoever is left once the first spouse goes, passes things on as you both wished.

Bluelady · 01/09/2018 22:57

Very similar situation. We've been married for 18 years, together for 20. I have one son, he has three children. The bulk of the money in the house and savings is mine but his pensions are bigger by quite a margin. We're leaving everything four ways. My son will inherit a lot from his dad, the other three will get nothing from their mum. This way feels fair to me.

Original poster
calliebirds · 01/09/2018 22:58

@DelilahandDaisy that's why the question is hypothetical.

Neither of us own homes. We don't have mortgages. We rent a place together currently and have no means to save for a deposit or anything.

However, both DP and I are only children so one day we are both in line to inherit are parents homes. Which I hate honking about because I want my Mama here forever.

Although worth noting, DP's father's home is probably worth about 100k less than my mother's home.

OP posts:
Returnofthesmileybar · 01/09/2018 22:58

You are right, it goes exactly as you say it.

No matter what happens in her life your dp's ex will not look after your child. You make a will based on now not 10/20 years time. You could split it evenly and your dp's ex could win the lotto and your DC would have 50k versus their rich siblings. Plan for now and look after your own dc

*I think it would be different where there is a step child with no other parent involved and where the step parent is effectively another parent

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