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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask ladies with brothers

159 replies

HaveSomeGrace · 01/09/2018 22:19

What kind of relationships do you have with your brothers? Did you ever want a sister? How many of you are there? Are you the youngest, eldest etc?

My daughter is 1 of 5 but no sisters. I wondered what it might be like for her as she grows as I won’t be able to give her a sister, ever.

OP posts:
cptartapp · 02/09/2018 08:05

My brother is 18 months younger than me. We are very different and have never really got on. He lives an hour away and I maybe see him once a year, same for my nephew. Our parents our both dead and the remainder of my family scattered so in my early 40's I have no real family I ever see at all anymore. I do wonder if it would have been different with a sister.

AlmaGeddon · 02/09/2018 08:06

Love my sister, not close to DBs.

Igneococcus · 02/09/2018 08:07

I have two brothers and a sister. I'm the youngest. I haven't lived in the same country as them for 24 years, I was at the other side of the world from them for 5 years of those.
I get on with my oldest brother but we probably wouldn't be friends if we'd not be siblings but some of that is down to my sil who doesn't like me much.
I have a great relationship with my other brother (5 years older than I) though. He took me to concerts when I was really young (my first concert was Frank Zappa, I feel really old typing that), we traveled together, he has visited me everywhere I have lived, he comes regularly here to Scotland. We have very similar tastes in music and books. He'd drop everything to come to my (and the children's) rescue and I would too for him. Same goes for my sister (4 years older) despite that our tastes are quite different. Growing up I spent a lot more time with my brother than my sister.

starryeyed19 · 02/09/2018 08:07

I always wanted a sister. I'm 2/3 with a brother on either side. Fairly close to my elder brother, not really close to my younger brother.

I think it was the idea of closeness more than anything else I wanted. Someone who knew me inside and out. Someone to have that bond with.

Your DD will be fine. Smile

Yogafailure · 02/09/2018 08:09

There's only me and my younger brother and he's less than 18 mths younger than me. We're very close even though he's a couple of hours away from me. As we get older, having lost one parent and facing the other getting frailer, we're growing even closer.

I never wanted/wished for/have missed having a sister

Enb76 · 02/09/2018 08:09

I’m the only girl and the youngest of 4. I loved having brothers and never wanted sisters. We’re a close family in general but not geograhically more like they are my oldest friends and I am never judged, am always loved and can always ask them for help and vice versa. I love my brothers.

Pinkprincess1978 · 02/09/2018 09:42

I have 4 brothers and in the oldest. Two are half brothers so not as close to. I'm very close though one of my brothers and even though we live about two hours apart we stay with each other 3/4 times a year and our kids are closer. Another brother lives in sane town and we hardly ever see him.

FuckItPassMeTheWine · 02/09/2018 09:50

I have one younger brother , by two years . We are so close and to this day I call him my best friend . I never wanted / needed a sister xxx

PinkGiraffe1 · 02/09/2018 10:01

I have 4 siblings. Older sister who's 3 years older than me, older brother who's 15 months older, younger sister who's 17 months younger and younger brother who's 2 & half years younger. At school, we were all the year below/above. We all get on but I'm probably closest to my older bro and younger sis.

Mummyoflittledragon · 02/09/2018 12:41

One older brother. Jealous from the day I was born. Abusive and sexually harassed me as a teen. Not because he wanted sex but to destroy me in every way possible. Including my sexuality and femininity. He has been violent to me even in his 40’s. His wife makes the situation worse. She has a psychopathic personality. We are now nc.

You sound like a loving mother. The situation described above would not be tolerated in your household. The best thing you can do is teach your children to cherish and respect one another despite their differences.

I didn’t even realise siblings could have a deep, loving connection with eachother or with their parents until I was in my 30’s such was my pain and confusion. Some of the things people say about their parents supprise me as my parents taught me very little. I hope my dd will speak about me in the same way as they speak their parents.

I see the closeness of some women with their sisters and I do get jealous but I am equally jealous of a brother, who adores his sister. All I ever wanted is to be adored by someone.

Rufustheyawningreindeer · 02/09/2018 13:01

One brother 3 years younger than me

Never wanted a sister

He lives about 3 hours drive away and we don't particularly keep in touch but if i had a problem he would do his best to help me and vuce versa

GoneWishing · 02/09/2018 13:13

I have an older DB, and no other siblings. He's quite a few years older than me, so we were never in the same age brackets or same schools, or had much in common when growing up. I did wish I could have had a sister, especially one near my own age, and was envious of friends who did. DB and I had a good relationship, though, growing up. Never had much to fight about, and he was very protective. (Sometimes too much! He turned up in the first party with alcohol I went to, knowing I was planning on drinking a bit, just to check all was cool and I wasn't getting into trouble!)

As adults we've always lived far away from each other, but had a good, if a bit distant, relationship. He has a large family, so a lot of our relantionship has been around/about my DNs, and visits to his family are hectic and noisy! I love them all a lot, and wish I could see them more.

ImNotBusyImLazy · 02/09/2018 13:15

I have one older sister, one older brother, and two younger brothers. Growing up, my sister was relentless in bullying me and making me feel ugly and inferior. I thank her for years of therapy and eating disorders. I was close with all my brothers growing up, luckily they were kind and welcomed me tagging along with them. I had the best time with them and don't feel I missed out on girly sister talk or games.

Today I'm still very close with two brothers but the youngest and I don't have much in common, though we get along well enough. My sister and I are civil and even friendly (now both well into our 40s with children of our own).

So having a sister isn't always the best thing. No guarantee they will be best friends or even like each other. I wish I'd only had my brothers!

FroodGloriousFrood · 02/09/2018 13:19

I have three brothers, I adore them. I wanted a sister growing up but now I wouldn't swap them for anything

xJessica · 02/09/2018 13:23

I have a brother, 4 years older than me. We're very close. We used to fight like cat and dog as kids but since our early teens we've been really close. I can't imagine having a sister.

Accountant222 · 02/09/2018 13:27

I'm the eldest of 4, 1 sister and 2 brothers, very close to the youngest who is a brother, rarely see other brother but he's quiet and a bit withdrawn, I have a very good relationship with his wife, used to be very close with my sister, but after a massive argument about 10 years ago, (no speaks for 5 years) we communicate because of elderly parent, but our friendship is shattered.

Imsorrylhaventaclue · 02/09/2018 13:27

1 younger brother, not hugely ‘close’ in the sense of speaking regularly etc, but if the shit hits the fan he’s got my back and vice versa - we do make a good team when needed. I also have 2 sisters who I speak with more regularly, but they’re much younger and we have less in common than my brother and I.

LittleRedWagon1 · 02/09/2018 13:39

I have one younger brother. We have had a strained relationship for most of our lives and he is actually a very unkind, selfish and nasty person who when he doesn't get his own way or if anyone dares to have a different opinion about something gets physically violent. I think he attitude is in part due t my parents attitudes regarding girls and boys. Boys in my family are hailed as king of all they survey whereas girls are only there to look pretty and do as they are told. I never conformed to that role so was bullied, abused both physically, mentally and emotionally.

I hadn't spoken to him for about 12-18 months before I decided to go NC with my mother for various reasons.

It's not so much that I wanted a sister but more that I wanted a sibling that wasn't my (or a) brother IFSWIM. I'd have loved a sibling who was nice and who I could enjoy spending time with.

I have two DD's who are relatively close in age and do get on very well, they have their moments (as I am sure we all do) but generally they rub along nicely. DD1 is quite protective of DD2 and it's lovely to hear them play and giggle with each other.

DH has one younger half brother and one older half brother. He hasn't seen or spoken to either in a long time for various reasons but they tend to rub along okay when they do see each other.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 02/09/2018 14:16

I think this thread proves that there is no good answer to this question.

Some people have brothers they are close to and never needed a sister.
Some have brothers they are not close to and would have liked a sister.
Some have sisters they are not close to.
Some have shit siblings whatever sex.

The only thing I can say to you in reality, OP, is to let your DC be who they are - your DD may be completely different to her brothers, but as one of 5 the chances are reasonable that there will be at least one she is close to. Sisters can be great or they can be indifferent or they can be worse than not having one, so don't fret about it. Thanks

Original poster
HaveSomeGrace · 02/09/2018 14:52

Thanks everyone for replying, I’ve read every comment and it’s been really interesting to read everyone’s perspective.

OP posts:
PurpleMac · 02/09/2018 14:55

I have two brothers- one a year older, one a year younger. Older lives very close by and see him little and often. Younger lives further out and usually see him once a month for a day out. I love them both, they annoy the hell out of me, but I wouldn't swap them for a sister.

MeyMary · 02/09/2018 15:04

I have two brothers and one sister.

I'm the oldest.

I am very close to my sister and youngest brother.

DB1 (we're close in age...) was an entitled, lazy dickhead. I love him and we're closer nowadays but he still doesn't understand how much of a twat he was.

Cheerymom · 02/09/2018 15:07

I would add that from my own and friends' experiences....... when older, females do far more emotional/caring work in families. I have two older brothers and one older sister. We all get on, I am very close to my sister. It is left to us to do all the care for our elderly mother. It was left to us to do all the care for our deceased father. This is a pattern I see repeated in every single household. I cannot find one example of a family, with girls, where the male sibling did the majority of care, for anyone.

Anyone else notice this? Easy enough to say well don't do it then but I am not prepared to NOT care for vulnerable people and personally n my family my brothers would not arrange things and my mother would be neglected.

MeyMary · 02/09/2018 15:13

@Cheerymom

Yes!
Well, not inregards to elderly care/care of our parents but with things like baby-sitting, chores, going over to our grandmother to do her shopping etc...?

Yes, absolutely. One of the reason I resented my DB1 for a long time. He wasn't (isn't...) just unable to recognise this but was also happy to increase my "workload" quite substantially when we were younger...

And was surprised when I - now an adult, married, expecting a child etc - simply refused to continue doing certain things.

I can't just blame him, he was raised this way(to an extend. My younger DB certainly wasn't!) But he really is an entitled twat and seeing as he is an adult capable of independent thought and making his own choices...Hmm

GraceMarks · 02/09/2018 15:26

I have one older brother. We were never particularly close, although we get on OK if we only spend limited time together now. It's funny - when I was growing up I wasn't interested in having a sister, because I had friends with sisters and they were always at each other's throats, but now I'm nearly 40 I really wish I had one. I think it's why I increasingly seek out the company of other women now, and get involved in feminism.

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