To ask how much child maintenance you get?

[Ellen7262]

Just a rough figure. DD's dad contributed £40 a month for the first two months after we split and since then sweet fuck all. I have absolutely no clue how much a father should be paying for his child and no idea even where to start on getting him to pay.

He is NC with her, however his DM makes a big effort with her. If he's on a similar wage now to what he was at the time I was with him then he will be around the £40k mark.

Side note - I am financially comfortable even without payments from him, WIBU to claim if I don't technically need the money?

Zilch.

He doesn’t work but has several hundred thousand pounds in the bank. Makes no difference legally. He doesn’t have to pay.

Is there any way you could use the children's act to get maintenance money Promiseme?

I was receiving £45 per week but he rang to say he was earning 25% less and wanted it reduced. CMS spoke to me and I told them he had changed jobs to highly paid contracting in a specialised area. It took them eight months to find out he actually earned double what he had told them.

But and a big one, he now pays nothing as he is self employed and has set up a company. He is not really self employed at all, he works for the same employer all the time, states he is employed by them on social media, does not supply equipment etc. The company simply want workers to pay their own stamp etc.

CMS are taking enforcement action as the arrears are around £2,500 but I dont hold out much hope.

I have never ever been greedy in any way shape or form. The person I am sorry for is not me, it is my grandson (I am a gp carer). Why on earth would you not want to provide for your lovely boy? I always ensure he goes to contact etc and have to persuade him all the time.

The court order ends shortly and I am done. He can persuade his son himself because I am certainly not going to help this low life.

So awful to read I am not alone and sorry for the kids.

I don’t know. I have informed CMS several times but they are not interested. It’s one of the many loopholes for fathers determined not to pay.

Promiseme it used to be the case that if savings of over £65k existed, the CSA would calculate interest at a very high rate and claim that as maintenance. I don’t k ow the rules with the new system but I would look again with the CMS. Use your MP to exert pressure if necessary.

As for maintenance, I get nothing. Ex is self employed, cash in hand, tax dodger.

I get £500 which is quite a good amount but DD's father is a very high earner so theoretically should be more, it's not through CMS.

I don't know how these men aren't ashamed. Isn't being a good father integral to feeling proud of themselves/like they're a good man?

My df didn't pay dm a single penny for us, yet he was telling me recently how satisfied he has been with his life (he's old now and looking back).

I think he's an appalling excuse for a 'father'. No point telling him now, but men like this should be shunned like drink drivers (or ironically like single mothers, though less so now)

Whole childhood= £0

I wonder if it's a display of dominance for otherwise low-status men? Like 'I won't let a woman control me' or some such nonsense

I don't know how these men aren't ashamed. Isn't being a good father integral to feeling proud of themselves/like they're a good man?

Unfortunately, many seem unable to separate their children from their relationship with their ex.

Attitudes to single parents play a big part - they claim ‘all the benefits’, that kind of thing. Why should NRP’s support their children when there is a ton of money coming in anyway?

Too many people consider maintenance a private matter. It is discussed in hushed tones and where NRPs are open about non payment, we consider it none of our business or we assume the ex is a terrible person or we agree she got the house so he shouldn’t have to pay maintenance. The lack of challenge is one of the reasons non payment of maintenance is such an issue.

We operate on quite an animalistic level - consequently NRPs are supported in the non payment of maintenance by a new partner. It means he loves me more. My children deserve more. My children should have more. Money is a finite resource- we want it in our household, not someone else’s.

None. DD's dad died last year. We got none when he was alive either.

I get over £400 for 2 children per month and contact is minimal (his choice).

IMO we as resident parents should claim what is owed for our children whenever possible. We didn’t create these children on our own, we had help. For that reason NRP should be held accountable including financially.

ohreally - yes I think you've got it. In my stepmum's case she had no children but still pressured df not to pay anything for us as a sign he loved her more. Which wasn't helped my feeling in direct competition with us due to being close in age

To be slightly fair to my stepmum, she was only 17 :O when they got together, so not the most emotionally mature

I get nothing now, in fact I believe I have received around £200 in total in the past 11 years. He has never contributed to any shoes/uniform/school trips either and whether he gets DS anything for his birthday or Christmas is always iffy too.

CSA were rubbish, could never find him apparently despite me ringing regularly with details of his various jobs/addresses and whenever they managed to set up payments he would leave his job.

Decided I would give the CMS a try a few years ago as they apparently could now do X, Y or Z to ensure payments were made...explained his prior reluctance to pay so they agreed to take payments for me. But he then complained so they said I had to give him a chance to pay off his own back directly to me and if he defaulted then they would garnish his wages or whatever. Of course he defaulted and what did they do?? They just sent him a letter! Nothing was done, just loads of letters back and forth for months.

Got fed up in the end and gave up chasing cos he was changing addresses and jobs and then claiming benefits and so on and so on.

I'm in the US and one of my best friends has fought for years to get $600 a month from her ex. He tried everything to avoid paying. The courts took his driving license and passport and eventually put him in prison for non-payment. They refuse to accept him saying he can't get a job, pointing out quite correctly that there are jobs galore around here. After about 6 years of avoiding payment he now pays up regularly. As soon as he misses a payment now the police turn up at his door. It's amazingly effective.

I get £27pw which is below the legal minimum and he refuses to increase it.

I need to go through CMS to get him to pay the legal minimum, I have started the ball rolling but it all takes time.

OP it's not up to you to decide how much she needs when she's 18. She is entitled to that money and it is for her benefit. I don't think giving it to charity is acceptable. Just go through CSA and put it into savings.

I get nothing, because my ex is on benefits. What really annoys me about this is it is state sanctioned not to pay as due to him having ds a maximum of 3 nights a fortnight he does not need to pay, but if he worked and had ds 3 nights a fortnight he would need to pay something. Even £5 a month would be an acknowledgment that he has some obligation to pay.

ohdeargod he doesnt work, so no point.

He also think HE should get CB/CTC for at least one of the kids and he did till recently. Until I decided to take control back.

Now he refuses to do anything with the kids as he has no money because I took it away from him

We get nothing from SDs mother. SD lives with us full time. Her mother ownes properties, drives a new car etc. and pays nothing. She owes us A LOT of money but its a very very slow process with CMS. Hopefully we will see some of it and will ne able to help SD more with uni.

It's not only fathers. Some mothers will all they can not to support their own children.

I got £700 a month for 2 dcs. Then £300 for one.

Nothing. The CMS are useless

Tinysalmon if your DH is a very high earner why shouldn't he pay a good chunk for his child? 🙄

"I wonder if it's a display of dominance for otherwise low-status men? Like 'I won't let a woman control me' or some such nonsense."

Postino, have often wondered why and this does kind of make sense.

Like some kind of 'punishment'.

I do wonder what goes on in their minds and whether they are just devoid of all emotion to their own children.

Someone above described it as animalistic. Seems like it indeed.