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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Advice needed please, I'm desperate to be a good mum!

100 replies

Mummy2emilee · 01/09/2018 12:13

Hi Everyone,
So I am new to this site as I have been recommended it for good advice.
My fiance admitted to cheating on me, he did it twice about 2 years ago with the same girl. I am heartbroken as we have been together for a long time and have a beautiful little girl Emilee together who is 3.
Anyway, my fiance was the main earner and I have called tax credits yesterday to explain he has moved out and I will now need to claim other benefits, and try to support my daughter. They said that the payments will be suspended until the new claim is worked out. I am panicking, how am I supposed to keep a roof over my daughter's head with just £82 child benefit every 4 weeks??! I need to apparently claim for income support, does anyone have any ideas how long this can take to set up? Also, any ideas how I can make the most out of my money and make it stretch further. I need a new cooker as my fiance has taken it with him and left me with a slow cooker, toaster and microwave. Any advice on healthy cheap meals and how to best manage my money. I'm so scared I will lose my house, I don't know how I am going to pay my rent which is due next week! Please help xxx

OP posts:

Queenofthestress · 01/09/2018 12:22

Firstly are you in a universal credit area? If so that's the one you need to apply for I believe, once your claim has been recieved you can ring them and ask for an advanced payment I think
If it's income support you need to claim, then it's 2 weeks from the date you receive the claim
Housing benefit is between 4 weeks - 6 weeks I've found
Post on the foodies board on here and they'll help with meal ideas

Mintylicious · 01/09/2018 12:24

Sorry if I’ve missed it, but why won’t your ex be making payments to you, just because he’s moved out? He still needs to support his child!

RayRayBidet · 01/09/2018 12:26

Why did you let him take the cooker?
He needs to pay for his child to eat.

VimFuego101 · 01/09/2018 12:26

Call your landlord and explain the situation. Make sure they know that you want to stay and are doing your best to sort this out. Call Shelter for advice if you get behind on rent.

Call CMS to set up child support (will not impact on benefits/ tax credits). He needs to pay for his child.

Original poster

Mummy2emilee · 01/09/2018 12:34

Basically I told him to get out after finding out he had cheated, so I took my daughter out for the day and told him to be gone when I get back. And he had took the cooker. He now won't answer his phone and I don't know where he has gone. I've tried calling his friends but no response and he doesn't speak to his mum or brother anymore so wouldn't be there. I am not in a universal credit area, and don't know how I'm going to cope for the next few weeks until things settle again. Thanks for all your comments.

OP posts:

kaytee87 · 01/09/2018 12:36

First thing on Monday get onto CSA so they can chase for child maintenance.
Then get yourself an appointment with citizens advice to help with your benefits.

kaytee87 · 01/09/2018 12:37

Would his mum help out with money for things for her grand daughter?

Singlenotsingle · 01/09/2018 12:41

The landlord will just have to wait, won't he? He has to wait til you're 2 months in arrears before he can give you notice, and even then it has to be proper notice, not just evict you. Make sure you let him know what's going on.

kaytee87 · 01/09/2018 12:44

Speak to your ll ASAP to give them a heads up.

You need to first prioritise food in your belly then a roof over your head then utilities. If you have any credit card or catalogue debt it comes bottom of the pile, inform them sure but don't pay them until you've secured food, house and utilities.

Original poster

Mummy2emilee · 01/09/2018 12:45

I am not in contact with his mum as they do not speak, I only met her once when I first got with him. I sadly lost my parents 3 years ago so I can't even ask them to help out. I am at a lose end and struggling to see how we are going to live for the next couple of weeks. I have tried for a couple of small loans to get me by but as my ex's credit was so bad I took out a contract and a few other bits in my name for him which he hasn't paid and my credit is awful so can't get anything like that. If income support takes a couple of weeks I am stuck as my next child benefit payment is due on 17th September so I only have the few pound I have in my purse to last me.

OP posts:

ColdTattyWaitingForSummer · 01/09/2018 12:49

OP
On Monday try to go and see the citizens advice bureau (in many areas they have a drop in, you may have to wait but you will be seen). They can help you apply for benefits, speak to your landlord on your behalf, and make a referral to a foodbank if necessary (don’t be proud, they will see this situation every day, and your wee one needs to eat).

Musereader · 01/09/2018 12:49

Income support is 2 weeks from when they get it back, not from when you make it, basically the quickest way is phone monday to make a claim dated from today ( back dating is allowed if you could not have made the claim on tthe day, and phone lines are shut saturday) go to the benefit centre the same or next day to have your claim statement printed and signed with proof of id and address and then call the next day for an advance payment.

Housing benefit can be claimed with Is but council will not be notified untill claim is processed so as failsafe make an application to HB yourself today as it can usually be done online

Also claim for cms (used to be csa) asap

Singlenotsingle · 01/09/2018 12:49

Check out local food banks?

kaytee87 · 01/09/2018 12:51

See if there's any local food banks nearby for some emergency food.

PumpkinPie2016 · 01/09/2018 12:52

First off, please speak to your landlord. If you have been a good tenant up to now and they know you have a young child then hopefully, they will be willing to come to an agreement about a delay for this month's rent. Any reasonable person will understand.

Speak to citizens advice on Mon about what benefits you may be entitled to and support in claiming.

Do you have any family/friends who can help you out with getting a cooker? Or look on your local facebook/gumtree/freecycle pages as there may be one on there.

I'm no good with slow cooker recipes but try the food boards on here as lots of people use slow cookers.

arethereanyleftatall · 01/09/2018 12:53

There's a few jobs you could take on which will offer immediate cash in hand, that you can do with your dd. Taking in ironing for example, walking someone's dog etc etc etc
I'd put a shout out in my local fb page.
You could sell stuff you no longer need.

Long term, benefits doesn't have to be your only solution. You could get a job.

Neshoma · 01/09/2018 12:54

Single The LL may be relying on the rent. That should be a priority for the OP.

SometimesMaybe · 01/09/2018 12:55

Unfortunately it will take a few weeks to get your benefits sorted. But they will get sorted and you will get through this. (And anyone who could take a cooker away from his child is a total scumbag, so you are well rid).
So, you need to act fast to get the ball rolling.

Monday morning phone -

CSA for child support
Arrange (ideally same day) appointment with Health Visitor as s/he will know of agencies locally that will be able to support you (and access to food banks etc).
Council to find out about benefits
Potentially Citizen Advice as they may be able to help fill in blanks
Are you a private rental or Housing Association - phone Shelter as they will help you approach your landlord.

You need to get as much help and support around you as possible, have your friends or family that you can talk to/will help watch your wee one when you make these calls?

Write out a budget of what your outgoings are.

Look on Jack Monroes website for Cooking on a Bootstrap for cheap recepies.

You can do this.

Original poster

Mummy2emilee · 01/09/2018 12:55

Thankyou, I have had a look at food banks and there is a local one which I need to speak to citizens advice about on Monday. I feel like such a failure at the moment. I was due to start a new job which I have had to turn down now due to lack of childcare which is horrible. I will make all these phone calls on Monday and see what they can do for me. I have never claimed benefits as my fiance always worked hard and I always worked before having my daughter. It's a terrible place to be in and what annoys me is it's through no fault of my own :(

OP posts:

kaytee87 · 01/09/2018 12:56

@Neshoma feeding her young daughter and herself is more of a priority then rent. And I say that as someone that nearly always on the 'side' of the LL.

kaytee87 · 01/09/2018 12:58

How much money do you have all together? Do you have access to a joint bank account?

arethereanyleftatall · 01/09/2018 12:58

At 3, your dd is entitled to free childcare. Are there nursery's you can get to?

Original poster

Mummy2emilee · 01/09/2018 13:00

Thankyou, I am private renting. I don't have any proper family, just a great nan alive who is in a care home and an aunt and uncle who live in Canada. We were quite a small family. I was an only child too. I am happy to be out of the relationship but I feel like I am worse off than ever. I hope to find a different job with more suitable hours which fit around childcare hours but even just finding someone to watch her whilst I attend interviews is hard. I am trying to hard to be positive so fingers crossed we will be OK and it will all work out I am sure.

OP posts:

Neshoma · 01/09/2018 13:01

In retrospect, the 'affair' was two years ago. The OP should really have 'got her ducks in a row' then asked the Dp to leave. In being hasty she is now in a desperate situation.

Original poster

Mummy2emilee · 01/09/2018 13:03

I have about £12 in my purse. And my bank is overdrawn £25 as they accepted a direct debit going out on Friday even though I do not have an overdraft, so even when my next child benefit payment goes in I will be £25 down.

OP posts:

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