Advice needed please, I'm desperate to be a good mum!

[Mummy2emilee]

Hi Everyone,
So I am new to this site as I have been recommended it for good advice.
My fiance admitted to cheating on me, he did it twice about 2 years ago with the same girl. I am heartbroken as we have been together for a long time and have a beautiful little girl Emilee together who is 3.
Anyway, my fiance was the main earner and I have called tax credits yesterday to explain he has moved out and I will now need to claim other benefits, and try to support my daughter. They said that the payments will be suspended until the new claim is worked out. I am panicking, how am I supposed to keep a roof over my daughter's head with just £82 child benefit every 4 weeks??! I need to apparently claim for income support, does anyone have any ideas how long this can take to set up? Also, any ideas how I can make the most out of my money and make it stretch further. I need a new cooker as my fiance has taken it with him and left me with a slow cooker, toaster and microwave. Any advice on healthy cheap meals and how to best manage my money. I'm so scared I will lose my house, I don't know how I am going to pay my rent which is due next week! Please help xxx

You may still be able to phone the bank and ask them to return the dd as unpaid. Do it quickly

@Neshoma and what does that change?
Anyway I assume op has only just found out

I am not sure what you mean? Once he told me I didn't want to be anywhere near him so told him to go immediately. I couldn't of sorted this before he left as I wouldn't be able to apply for benefits whilst he lived here working, or would I? I don't know how it works.

I suffered so much angst when mine were little trying to decide what was the best thing to do. in retrospect my advice would be not to try to be perfect. That they will turn out how they do regardless of many of your decisions. Relax and know that "good enough" is fine. Know that you'll make lots of mistakes and forgive yourself. You can only do what you think is right at the time. You don't have to be perfect.

Yeah I only found out on Thursday and told him to go immediately. I have spoke to bank this morning and they said it's too late to return.

Op neshoma obviously enjoys kicking people when they're down. Just ignore, some people have no compassion.

Thankyou. I know this is just a hard patch and it will get much easier it's just getting through the next few weeks. I just don't know how I will cope with £12. I am not eating much since I found out anyway but I still want my daughter to have a decent meal in her belly.

Look the benefits system is in place to help out exactly people like you. Don’t feel bad about using it. You have worked and you will work again, so this is just temporary.

The priority is remaining in your house and getting what benefits you are entitled to.

Sell anything you can on Facebook - a few quid will buy you breakfast cereal and milk for a week. A few more pounds will be enough to buy some vegetables, lentils and stock cubes to make a filling soup. A few more pounds will be enough for egg, chips and beans, or baked potatoes. The foodbank referal will help.

Once this initial phase is over you can think about childcare and going back to work (or sometimes it’s easier to get childcare if you return to study) (you will be entitled to free hours childcare too). But that will come. Worry about that in a few months. Concentrate on the next few weeks just now.

Is there anything you can sell, OP? You say he was your fiancé - is there a ring you can sell? That might buy some food until you are more established.

So you've to feed yourself for two weeks on £12. What have you got in your cupboards and freezer already?

Maybe start a new thread leaving off everything else. List what you have in already, say you have £12 and ask Mumsnetters to help you meal plan? I've seen some inventive meals on here although I'm not that great at shopping on a budget myself.

Plus remember you'll get something from the food bank. You could ask friends for help too. I loaned a good friend her mortgage payment once so someone might give you a tenner?

Thankyou. I appreciate all your help. I am trying to be positive. As I said, I had to say no to the job but there will be others in time. We shared a car but the car was registered to him so he has taken that and the local nursery is not too far so when she starts there that will be fine but I am more worried about getting to all these places I will need to go, job centre and citizens advice etc as cannot afford a bus fare at the moment. This time a few weeks ago we were planning a wedding and having luxuries everyday, and I think it's hit me going from that to this!

Could you walk to these places with the wee one in a buggy?

You might be able to get a crises loan from the job centre.

Sell anything you absolutely don't need. Even bundles of your daughters old clothes and toys. Engagement ring defo sell.

You are not a failure.

Eggs are quite cheap and filling. Bulked our with some end of day reduced veg? Just until the food bank voucher comes.

I have a few friends but not many as we kinda kept ourselves to ourselves and didn't socialize much. I have 4 eggs, half a loaf, bag of chips and nuggets, bit of pasta, 2 chicken fillets, 3 tins of beans, 2 x tinned veg, half a box of cereal and a few potatoes left. We always go shopping on a Saturday so obviously cupboards were getting empty.

Do you have a microwave?

Yes I could sell the ring I didn't think of that, thankyou. I live in a little village with not much around, it is at least 6/7 miles to the local job centre and citizens advice

Yes, I have a slow cooker, microwave and a toaster.

I also have a BBQ in the garden, so I suppose in this nice weather I could use that to grill food.

4 eggs, half a loaf, bag of chips and nuggets, bit of pasta, 2 chicken fillets, 3 tins of beans, 2 x tinned veg, half a box of cereal and a few potatoes left.

Ok so you've enough to do you tonight, tomorrow and Monday by the looks of it so that's good. Hopefully on Monday you'll get help at the food bank.

Ok, use the loaf before it goes mouldy.
Toast, microwave scrambled egg and beans for lunch.
Then with a bit of strength you can start selling a few things.
Call your bank about the £25 to see if they can wave the unauthorised overdraft fee that they will hit you with.

I'm really sorry to hear this. I'm not sure about the benefits, but here are some links to recipes that are cheap and easy. wishing you the best and hope these help! x

savings4savvymums.co.uk/9-cheap-and-easy-slow-cooker-recipes-for-kids-that-cost-less-than-1-a-head/

There is an app called olio where you can look out for food and items people are giving away. Also your Facebook local sites, you could ask if anyone has a cooker they don’t need, explain your circumstances and someone might have one and another might deliver it as you are in dire straits. People do have compassion.

There's a few jobs you could take on which will offer immediate cash in hand, that you can do with your dd. Taking in ironing for example, walking someone's dog etc etc etc

Both of which shouldn’t be done without proper insurance.

Any ideas how I can cook nuggets and chips without a cooker? Is there a way these can be BBQ'd or put in slow cooker?