Advice needed please, I'm desperate to be a good mum!

[Mummy2emilee]

Hi Everyone,
So I am new to this site as I have been recommended it for good advice.
My fiance admitted to cheating on me, he did it twice about 2 years ago with the same girl. I am heartbroken as we have been together for a long time and have a beautiful little girl Emilee together who is 3.
Anyway, my fiance was the main earner and I have called tax credits yesterday to explain he has moved out and I will now need to claim other benefits, and try to support my daughter. They said that the payments will be suspended until the new claim is worked out. I am panicking, how am I supposed to keep a roof over my daughter's head with just £82 child benefit every 4 weeks??! I need to apparently claim for income support, does anyone have any ideas how long this can take to set up? Also, any ideas how I can make the most out of my money and make it stretch further. I need a new cooker as my fiance has taken it with him and left me with a slow cooker, toaster and microwave. Any advice on healthy cheap meals and how to best manage my money. I'm so scared I will lose my house, I don't know how I am going to pay my rent which is due next week! Please help xxx

If your partner worked full time, how come lack of childcare is now preventing you taking up the new job? What were you planning to do for childcare before he left?

Oh and pop the bread in the freezer now (I think you said you had one?) it won’t go stale and you can toast it from frozen, that way you have eggs / beans on toast for a few days. The chicken fillets can be done in the slow cooker (just cover with stock or even water) or bbq. I think you can do pasta in a microwave, put it in a big bowl, add water, cover with cling film, pierce the film and then cook for the time on the packet. Rice is cheap and can be done the same way. Potato waffles are cheap too, most kids like them and you can cook them in the toaster.

I really don’t think your neighbours would begrudge helping you, especially as you have a young child. If you get desperate knock on a door, if one of my neighbours needed help I’d get something from my cupboard.

If your partner worked full time, how come lack of childcare is now preventing you taking up the new job? What were you planning to do for childcare before he left?

Presumably op has no money to pay for childcare now or the job might have been during times her partner isn't working....

The job was working nights and I was going to sleep during the 6 hours a day my daughter would be at nursery as we were entitled to 30 hours free childcare. However I cannot take the job as I have nobody to watch her through the nights.

He does plastering at night? And he’s self employed?

Excellent. Sell the TV. Even if it's just £50-100 that's your food sorted for a week or two.

@Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar are you hard of thinking?

Not particularly?

No, the job I was going to take was working nights. He worked as a self employed plasterer during the day, and I would be working through the night whilst he was at home with our daughter. I was going to sleep during the day whilst she was at nursery.

Just so keen to cut op down that you didn't read what she said properly then?

The job she was offered was a nightshift job. She now has no one to care for her child at night.

North or South Staffs?

I live about 10 miles south from Stafford. And about 15 miles north from Birmingham

Things to do this week:

• go into your bank and explain. My bank extended my overdraft for a set amount of months after which we agreed it would be reduced back by a certain amount per month until back to the original limit.
• food bank. I've used them in a similar transition time while waiting for finances to settle. Before that I'd been someone putting items into them every week and it was very humbling. They were lovely.
• sell things via facebook marketplace. Free, quick, easy. State collection only and don't be haggled down too much.
• call child maintenance service. But be prepared for your ex to give them the runaround if he's self employed!
• don't be shy asking people for help. I let people who knew me well my situation. Even someone inviting you both round for tea one day would help and most people want to help if they know someone is struggling.

Is your place private rented or housing association? Personally either way I would get in touch with them and let them know the situation. Reassure them things will settle and apologise.

Hang in there, things will get better.

I have a feeling you're on my doorstep OP, I'm 10 miles south of Stafford - Cannock far from you or accessible?

Thankyou, I private rent and have been trying to call my landlord with no success at the moment. I will keep trying. Just hate the situation I'm in and hoping money sorts itself out soon. Will be looking into selling unwanted items though!

Cannock isnt far from me. 10 minutes in the car

I suggest speaking to your health visitor. The may be able to signpost you to local help for families in financial crisis. There may be local charities than can help you get a cooker. You may be able to self refer to Early Help through your local council. There is also a thing called Local Welfare Provision which you can access once you have claimed benefits.

Thankyou. Does anyone know how to get in touch with a health visitor? Do I just ring my GP? Not seen one for well over a year.

I've sent you a PM. If you ring your GP they'll give you a number, they're all linked around here. The CAB locally has a drop in three times a week, happy to come with you if it's this one you're visiting.

If the health visitor's phone number is not in the front of your red book, the GP reception probably know how to contact them. Or try the nearest Children's Centre.

Lots of good advice for you OP. Best of luck.

Sorry you're going through this OP. Please also contact your health visitor on Monday. You probably have t had much contact with them for some time, but they can be a big help in a crisis. They can sort your food bank vouchers, and may also know of local charity and funding to help tide you over til your claims are sorted.

OK

You can make soup with lettuce, chop it up, put in the slowcooker, add some tinned veg salt and pepper.

Egg on toast, use the toaster, get a ramekin or cup, grease it put an egg in, prick the yolk and cook on a low setting.

Beans on toast, the same toast bread, microwave beans - I tend to cook them in a jog as it makes them easier to pour.

Cut up a chicken breast and put in slow cooker, add a couple of tins of veg add any spices you have.

The other chicken breast can be wrapped in ham and put in the sc with a potato or two, or you can microwave it.

Microwave baked potato with beans.

Buy some milk for the cereal.

You can cook pasta in a bowl, just add boiling water and leave for 10 - 15 mins.

There's a facebook group called Cannock buy/sell/giveaway. I bet if you post on there you'll get some food and possibly get given a second hand oven etc.