Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

Colleague compares pet death to relative

568 replies

ItsNotTheSame · 01/09/2018 01:17

So long story short... my mum passed away a few months ago. Very sudden & unexpected, happened at home when she was alone and she was found there. Paramedics pronounced her dead on the scene. No chance to say goodbye obviously very shocking and caused me a lot of issues with anxiety and depression etc since while trying to come to terms with this. She was only in her early 50s and no illnesses before this as far as we knew.

Anyway, I’m back at work and have been for a couple of months now. My colleague has recently had a family pet put to sleep due to illness. Was working with said colleague when she made a comment to me along the lines of how upset she was and said I must know how she feels as it’s the same as my mum.

This really annoyed me and I told her in no uncertain terms that this is not the same and I walked away feeling angry / upset. I now feel a bit bad that maybe I’ve over reacted and been over sensitive. So opinions please.... Aibu?

OP posts:
Disquieted1 · 01/09/2018 01:21

Yes.

tinstar · 01/09/2018 01:21

Not an over-reaction at all - she's an idiot.

Sorry for the loss of your mum Thanks

tinstar · 01/09/2018 01:22

Disquieted - did you mean to say yes Shock?

NasdaqYouTwat · 01/09/2018 01:23

YANBU Flowers

Travis1 · 01/09/2018 01:25

Yes, for me losing one of my fur balls would be absolutely devastating. I can’t have children so they are my children. Grief is not a competition. Though admittedly I probably wouldn’t have said anything to you, but again that’s because I don’t see grief as a competition and see it as a really personal thing.

Beeziekn33ze · 01/09/2018 01:27

No, you're not BU.

Lovingit81 · 01/09/2018 01:31

YANBU!!! I don't care how much anyone loves a pet (and I am a real animal lover) you cannot compare it to a human life!! Sorry but a cat vs a mother???!! Honestly? I question your sanity. Hmm

HirplesWithHaggis · 01/09/2018 01:32

I think you may have over-reacted, but grief does that to you. She's grieving too, and may have no other comparator. No-one is really being unreasonable here.

Redglitter · 01/09/2018 01:33

You're definitely not BU. I appreciate people love their pets but to compare it you losing your Mum is awful!! You definitely didn't over react

Treasure114 · 01/09/2018 01:35

YANBU at all! Totally weird and inappropriate for her to compare like that. I am so sorry for your loss Flowers

tinstar · 01/09/2018 01:35

Yes, for me losing one of my fur balls would be absolutely devastating. I can’t have children so they are my children

But they are not children are they? Hmm

I adore my dogs and was devastated when the dog I grew up with died. But to equate the loss of a pet with the loss of a mother? That's sick. I've lost mine and would have been incandescent if anyone had suggested to me that they knew how I felt from having lost a pet. Completely ludicrous.

LurpakIsTheOnlyButter · 01/09/2018 01:36

Losing a pet is hard.

Losing a parent is devastating, I speak from experience. My Dad died very suddenly and very young too fairly recently, it knocked the wind from my sails.

Your colleague is BU. If he/she persists go to your manager and report as this is unfair duress on you. Flowers for you and so sorry for your loss.

Please feel free to PM me if you want to talk about it, it's so bloody tough to go through.

Travis1 · 01/09/2018 01:40

@tinstar but they are MY children. After almost a decade ttc I’ve had to accept it won’t happen and if it wasn’t for them then I’m not sure how I’d have coped.

BlueBug45 · 01/09/2018 01:41

No.

And you are suffering from grief.

Someone, from a developing country, had to point that out years ago when I lost my mum and people were acting like I was strange for my reactions.

Bahhhhhumbug · 01/09/2018 01:41

I don't think by expressing her grief for her dog is downplaying your grief for your mum and to many dog owners dogs are thought of as one of the family and the loss of one is devastating. Grief is grief and its severity cannot be controlled by the person feeling it anymore tban it can be put in order of one grief being more justified than another.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 01/09/2018 01:43

I'm so sorry for the loss of your lovely mum.
The same thing happened with my dad. We never got to say our goodbyes which really upset me as my dad had a fear of him dying and us not saying "Goodbye". I even had a dream where he came to me and said "I just wish I could have said goodbye to you.
His death was a shock but also not completely unexpected. IYSWIM. He was ill for years and prone to infections. I cant count the number of times he had pneumonia and He had Sepsis about 3 times. Yet he was a strong as an ox. It's certainly true when people say :life is too short" and you don't know the minute.
However this is said with much care and consideration but YAB a bit U. For all you know her pet could be all had. Lots of people have a closer relationship with their animals than they do people.
People feel what they feel. No one has any right to judge or validate that.
Flowers

villainousbroodmare · 01/09/2018 01:44

Yanbu at all. Stupid comparison.

purplecorkheart · 01/09/2018 01:44

I am sorry for your loss of your Mum. I cannot believe someone could compare the loss of your mother to the loss of a pet. YANBU!

bluetongue · 01/09/2018 01:45

Losing my pet can’t be compared to losing a parent or sibling. On the other hand, I would be much more upset if my beloved dog died than if my very old and grumpy grandfather or some of my uncles died.

I know that sounds terrible but we don’t all love all our relatives just because of their similar DNA. .

My pet is also a part of my life every day. He lives inside, sleeps on my bed and helps me with my mental health.

I’m sorry about your mum Flowers

Skarossinkplungerridesagain · 01/09/2018 01:46

I'm sorry about your mum, but I do think you were unreasonable for having a go. She wasn't comparing your mum to a pet she was empathising with your grief and you were rude.

stopgap · 01/09/2018 01:46

I’m so sorry for your loss 💐 Absolutely not the same, and she was a moron for saying as much.

I lost my beloved dog two years ago and was utterly devastated. I still can’t think of my old dog without crying, but in no way did her death spring to mind as a comparative tale when, this year, two of my good friends unexpectedly lost their mothers.

Pandamodium · 01/09/2018 01:47

YANBU someone compared the death of my child with losing a pet rabbit.

I'm sorry about your mam Thanks

Belina · 01/09/2018 01:48

I'm a pet lover and recently lost a pet. My mum also died the same as yours a few years ago.
I'm an absolute animal lover but her comment would absolutely piss me off as well even now I have had time to grieve.

sockunicorn · 01/09/2018 01:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 01/09/2018 01:49

I remember when my hamster died, though. I was 7 so 35 years ago and i remember it as though it happened last week.
I was sobbing uncontrollably to the point where I couldn't speak.