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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To feel attracted to someone unattractive

336 replies

AmIBeingRealistic · 31/08/2018 00:44

I was walking home one day past this guy, who I don’t know. Let’s call him A. A was well groomed, wearing suit and tie, clean shaven, etc. I looked at him, but didn’t feel attracted to him. He is not remotely attractive and most people would rate him a 3/10.

A few weeks later, I walked past an office and saw A playing with his son. I noticed him looking at me but didn’t think much else. Two days later, I was surprised to find out that A was in fact a respected member in the community. He gives lots of seminars and weekly talks on self development, life, etc. I’ve heard his name mentioned many times before by friends that attend and recommend his talks, but never seen or paid that much attention to him. He is also divorced and a single father.

So I decide to look up his talks on FB, and get hooked. His knowledge, confidence and personality shines throughout. After listening to so many talks, I felt extremely attracted to A and felt like I could look past his looks.

He is pale, bony, has chipped tooth, slightly hunched back and health complications. As weird as it sounds, I see him as a 10/10 look wise. I feel desire towards him and butterflies in my stomach when watching his videos. I even saw one video with a panel discussion, where there were around another 5 men along with him, and he appeared to be the least attractive of them all. There were two handsome panel speakers, but I didn’t feel anything towards them, but felt a burning sensation of desire and attraction towards A.

I am really thinking of getting things started with A. He shares custody between his ex wife. I have no kids myself, but willing to be a stepmother to young kids. I’ve never considered single dads previously, but now I’m willing to accept it without question.

Before I persue this, I want to know if it’s possible to sustain a relationship in the long term with someone who you initially viewed as unattractive. I’m now in a, you can call it honeymoon sort of phase, but when reality sets in, what will possibly happen? Will I just see A as the initial 3/10 and feel unsatisfied?

Is anyone here in a relationship with a partner who is unattractive, but they feel extremely attracted to them? AIBU to think you it’s possible to feel intense attraction towards an unattractive person?

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 31/08/2018 09:30

This is incredibly odd. You've never even spoken to this man. Yet you've not only decided he is yours for the taking, you're projecting into a relationship. You're also obsessing over him and stalking him on line. Stating you've a burning desire and calling it the honeymoon period.

What will you do if he's not interested? How will you handle it?

neveradullmoment99 · 31/08/2018 09:30

People are being a bit harsh on here imo.
Not everyone is instantly attractive. Sometimes its their personality that shines through. Equally some people who are outstandingly beautiful have a rank personality and are a complete turn off.
I would meet up and see if he is interested in you. It might be the fantasy really does not live up to what you imagine or vice versa.
I really wish you all the best and goodluck. Hoping that he feels the same way as you and you really hit it off. I love a good love story :)
Report back.

amusedbush · 31/08/2018 09:30

This is hilarious. How delightfully batshit Grin

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 31/08/2018 09:32

AttractiveNess and unattractivness is all about opinion not fact
I think it's shallow and presumptious and to say people would say he's 3/10.Also that's something teenagers do give people marks out of 10 on their looks.

neveradullmoment99 · 31/08/2018 09:33

I think people are being a bit harsh because in all honesty I am sure we would all possibly do the same but not broadcast it. If we met someone we grew to like we would think about that person a lot and project a relationship and have a little wander online...we just wouldn't say it out loud.

neveradullmoment99 · 31/08/2018 09:34

I am happily married though so I wouldn't but totally get it.

Racecardriver · 31/08/2018 09:39

You sound quite shallow. At the moment you attracted to his personality but inevitably there will be time in a relationship when that ceases for shit because you have fallen out or one or the other of you has just got quite stressed and disconnected. At this point the way he looks may bother you. If you feel like you have to look beyond someone's appearance to be with them then you aren't mature enough to deal with that.

PortiaCastis · 31/08/2018 09:43

He may say I don't find you attractive in fact a 0/10

PrefabSprouts · 31/08/2018 09:45

“but felt a burning sensation of desire and attraction towards A”

Are you sure it’s not just cystitis?

Actually wetting myself!

This whole thread has been worth it for Hunchback of Nostradamus. DH is wondering what I'm laughing my head off at. Grin

One of the funniest threads ever. Grin

apostropheuse · 31/08/2018 09:45
  1. Piece of creative writing, written by a bored teen, written to elicit shocked response
  1. Genuine post written by a stalker

Delete as appropriate

(Thoroughly enjoying the thread, whatever the situation) Grin

Tinkerbellisnotafairy · 31/08/2018 09:51

@saucyjack - you win the comments!

Is anyone else tempted to have a Google and see if we can find this 3/10 looks / 11/10 charisma guy?

Also - how do you know he has health complications OP??

Shambu · 31/08/2018 09:51

Good God.

JustDanceAddict · 31/08/2018 09:51

This has made me PMSL, esp the replies!
OP - get a grip and please do not tag along with your friend to stalk him. Are you 14 or 40?

LeighaJ · 31/08/2018 09:52

This all sounds a bit stalkerish or like a plan a 13 year old girl would come up with. 😮

Also rather egotistical, as if you haven't considered at all that he might not be interested in you. If you're not prepared for rejection then that will knock your confidence for a loop I would think.

LaGruffaloGrumble · 31/08/2018 09:55

Dear AmIBeingRealistic

No. No you are not.

HTH.

Beaverhausen · 31/08/2018 09:56

Hand on a minute... So you have not met him, he more than likely does not even know that you exist but you are stalking this man and going to make him yours because you assume he would want you!

Jesus take the wheel!

FabulouslyGlamorousFerret · 31/08/2018 09:59

Podge ... Yes to Elinor Oliphant 🤣

JoyceDivision · 31/08/2018 09:59

This reads exactly the same as EalanorOliphant Is Completely fine,especially the first fewchapterswhere she sees the man on stage as asuppirtact and decides to investigate him 😂

JaceLancs · 31/08/2018 10:06

I think your post is a bit odd and full of assumptions
However in answer to the question I dated and later lived with a deeply unattractive by anyone’s standards man - but he was intelligent funny and dynamite in bed - I never found him attractive but more got used to his looks
We eventually split for other reasons

LarkDescending · 31/08/2018 10:10

I’m sure in my day we used to enjoy the “honeymoon period” after the first conversation Confused

(Note to self: must read Eleanor Oliphant. Hope it’s as entertaining as this thread).

Deadringer · 31/08/2018 10:10

A lady's imagination is very rapid; it jumps from admiration to love, from love to matrimony in a moment. So Jane Austen is on your side op. though I think she might have written that in jest

Theonlywayisscotland · 31/08/2018 10:12

This is genuinely the only thread I’ve ever laughed out loud to (well, except for “snapped and farted”). OP, you are absolutely barking!

SockMatchmaker · 31/08/2018 10:13

What I’ve got from this thread is Maui woman has gotten divorced and is back on market?

Quangot · 31/08/2018 10:14

Sock

Quangot · 31/08/2018 10:15
Grin