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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To feel attracted to someone unattractive

336 replies

AmIBeingRealistic · 31/08/2018 00:44

I was walking home one day past this guy, who I don’t know. Let’s call him A. A was well groomed, wearing suit and tie, clean shaven, etc. I looked at him, but didn’t feel attracted to him. He is not remotely attractive and most people would rate him a 3/10.

A few weeks later, I walked past an office and saw A playing with his son. I noticed him looking at me but didn’t think much else. Two days later, I was surprised to find out that A was in fact a respected member in the community. He gives lots of seminars and weekly talks on self development, life, etc. I’ve heard his name mentioned many times before by friends that attend and recommend his talks, but never seen or paid that much attention to him. He is also divorced and a single father.

So I decide to look up his talks on FB, and get hooked. His knowledge, confidence and personality shines throughout. After listening to so many talks, I felt extremely attracted to A and felt like I could look past his looks.

He is pale, bony, has chipped tooth, slightly hunched back and health complications. As weird as it sounds, I see him as a 10/10 look wise. I feel desire towards him and butterflies in my stomach when watching his videos. I even saw one video with a panel discussion, where there were around another 5 men along with him, and he appeared to be the least attractive of them all. There were two handsome panel speakers, but I didn’t feel anything towards them, but felt a burning sensation of desire and attraction towards A.

I am really thinking of getting things started with A. He shares custody between his ex wife. I have no kids myself, but willing to be a stepmother to young kids. I’ve never considered single dads previously, but now I’m willing to accept it without question.

Before I persue this, I want to know if it’s possible to sustain a relationship in the long term with someone who you initially viewed as unattractive. I’m now in a, you can call it honeymoon sort of phase, but when reality sets in, what will possibly happen? Will I just see A as the initial 3/10 and feel unsatisfied?

Is anyone here in a relationship with a partner who is unattractive, but they feel extremely attracted to them? AIBU to think you it’s possible to feel intense attraction towards an unattractive person?

OP posts:
MudCity · 31/08/2018 08:44

You are being absolutely bizarre OP. Shallow, self-obsessed and bizarre.

I have met someone like you before and it appeared to be a cultural thing whereby social standing was all-important and prized above all else. It led to them making some very poor judgements but they didn’t care because they felt they were basking in the reflected glory of a successful partner which, for them, was all-important.

If that is the case for you then good luck because you will need it (I hope this poor man will see through you and run a mile).

Annamadrigal · 31/08/2018 08:49

It's 'man in a band' syndrome. You didn't have any interest until you saw he was confident in a crowd and now you are infatuated! Would you have same level of interest if you hadn't seen the videos and he had just asked you out the first time you saw him? Get to know him then see how you feel

HumptyNumptyNooNoo · 31/08/2018 08:50

I'm willing to bet that you are a very attractive person yourself.

You might find watching the film 'Shallow Hal' twice might be an eye opener for you ( twice as there are bits you might miss the first viewing )

I think this will open up a world of lovely people for you to meet and befriend, not just this one chap who's caught your eye! ( just incase he's not into you ) have fun seeing people as they are, rather than as a mark out of ten. This will change your life ! Smile

FlyingElbows · 31/08/2018 08:52

With there be any farcical comedic elements in this bizarre, inverse Mills & Boon novel? Or have you put it all on hunchback of Nostradamus? If there's no comedy then it's basically just weird and sinister.

3stonedown · 31/08/2018 08:52

Bloody hell. I've accepted I'm shallow from the "would you date someone shorter than you" thread. But you take it to a whole new level OP.

You've never had a conversation with him but have decided you want to marry him and be his child's step mother because you found out he is successful...

LoisWilkerson1 · 31/08/2018 08:52

Not sure why people are being sarcastic towards me, not nice
Grin

BeenThereDone · 31/08/2018 08:55

He should run a mile now

Sakura7 · 31/08/2018 08:57

If this is for real OP you sound insane. Take a step back and have a good hard look at yourself and your behaviour. How would you feel if some random man was having these thoughts about you? Pretty creeped out I'd imagine.

onetimeposter · 31/08/2018 08:58

Ok then Confused
You sound a nasty cunt by the way
If you still say hes unqttractive let him find someone else
Sure youre stunning Grin

SaucyJack · 31/08/2018 09:01

“but felt a burning sensation of desire and attraction towards A”

Are you sure it’s not just cystitis?

Bubbaduck · 31/08/2018 09:02

This whole thread has been worth it for Hunchback of Nostradamus. DH is wondering what I'm laughing my head off at. Grin

sansouci · 31/08/2018 09:02

Maybe you should try kissing him... he might turn into the handsome prince.Grin

QueenOfMyWorld · 31/08/2018 09:04

Are you sure he had a hunch back or was he tying his shoelaces at the time? 😂

tomhazard · 31/08/2018 09:05

:-) this is funny, sorry op. Does he even know who you are? Do adults actually rate other adults /10?!

LifeHackQueens · 31/08/2018 09:05

Go on. Go and get ready for school. To save yourself from the utter embarrassment and humiliation, avoid making a pass at a teacher. Grin

Ps. It was the marking his attractiveness out of 10 gave you away Grin

Annamadrigal · 31/08/2018 09:08

Not sure if click link but reminds me of IT Crowd when Jen falls for the guy in the band...

m.youtube.com/watch?v=xs4uM5OlofE

ElizaCBennett · 31/08/2018 09:08

Surely, if you are attracted to him he IS attractive!! Being handsome and being attractive are two separate things.

You sound very shallow tbh.

BeenThereDone · 31/08/2018 09:10

Cystitis!!! 😂 😂 😂 😂

doesthemindrulethebody · 31/08/2018 09:12

@SaucyJack I'm sorry, you've won Mumsnet, this has ENDED me

YippeeKayakOtherBuckets · 31/08/2018 09:14

Hunchback of Nostradamus nearly ended me.

This thread is LIFE.

Onthebrink87 · 31/08/2018 09:15

🦇💩

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 31/08/2018 09:20

You’ve never even spoken to this guy and you’re willing to be stepmother to his kids?
Is this because you discovered (to your great surprise) that he’s a respected member of the community?
You sound utterly, utterly nuts.

3luckystars · 31/08/2018 09:20

Is ‘Nostradamus’ your man from Steps?

Whatever you do, don’t post his videos on here because there definitely a few 9s on here and you won’t have a hope.

I think some people are being a bit harsh and don’t understand that he has given you love potion. Good luck anyway and I hope it works out!

MyOtherProfile · 31/08/2018 09:23

Go hear him speak and go chat to him after. You really need to root this in reality and actually meet him.

NoFuckingRoomOnMyBroom · 31/08/2018 09:27

I think an actual conversation might be a good starting point before you decide about step parenting tbh, please be cautious though as, you know, he might think you're a '3/10' Hmm

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