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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I being a bridezilla?

106 replies

Kittykat12345 · 30/08/2018 13:00

Right, a bit of back story. Me and my partner have a baby and all in all we have 4 children. His ex had a child when they split that isn't his and he never sees, but the child calls his mum nan. We are getting married and his family have invited his exis child.. and that's fine, I just don't want the child in family pictures that should be special. I get the child is just a child but I don't want someone me and my partner don't know in special pictures that are going to be hung up in our home. I know his family will probably feel different, but he agrees. What do I do ? The child also called our baby there sibling the first and only time they met and that really hurt me and I know my other child who is the same age really isn't going to like the whole situation. Please halp 😣

OP posts:
SissySpacekAteMyHamster · 30/08/2018 13:02

How old is the child? If very young then it is maybe quite confusing trying to work out who they are related to, so maybe perfectly understandable.

SuperLoudPoppingAction · 30/08/2018 13:04

Surely the more extended family children feel connected to the better, no?

Racecardriver · 30/08/2018 13:07

YABU fir hanging up wedding photos. Why not let them be in a couple of pictures to avoid hurt feelings but not all so you still get the pictured you want.

Original poster
Kittykat12345 · 30/08/2018 13:07

6 and the child is hardly around my partner's family and he has met her 3 times.

OP posts:
Original poster
Kittykat12345 · 30/08/2018 13:09

I wouldn't mind her in pictures, just the ones like me him and his and my childre, I'm stressing 😂

OP posts:
TerracottaDream · 30/08/2018 13:09

Sorry why are other people inviting people to your wedding? Just say no!
Send proper invitations with names, RSVP cards enclosed with names!
Only invite your children so this won’t be an issue.

Zintox · 30/08/2018 13:10

Yanbu. It's not his child so isn't family and Doesn't need to be in the pictures.

WipsGlitter · 30/08/2018 13:10

Why have his family invited this child?? How old are they?

RabbitsAreTasty · 30/08/2018 13:13

How many of your 4 children are half-sister to this little girl?

Mulberry72 · 30/08/2018 13:17

YANBU. Why are other people inviting unrelated children to your wedding? Your DP is nothing to this child, and neither are you or your children. Nor are your DP’s family really, seems a bizarre to me TBH.

Returnofthesmileybar · 30/08/2018 13:19

Yabu for hanging up wedding photos ffs only on mn, don't be such a twat

Yanbu op, I think a chat to your photographer, they are well used to getting people in/out of photos discreetly on the day but in the meantime just tell whoever took it upon themselves to invite the child that it's not happening

Honeyroar · 30/08/2018 13:20

You can have one or two photos with the child in them as well as all the family and some without. It keeps everyone happy. You don't need to have any of the photos with the child in, but the family obviously think of this child as family, and may like some.

Lizzie48 · 30/08/2018 13:20

The way you spoke about the child wasn't nice at all, not even saying whether they're a boy or a girl.

Re the wedding photos, YANBU, however, of course it's your decision who you include in your wedding photos, especially as your DP agrees with you.

Frogscotch7 · 30/08/2018 13:22

Weird that this child was invited at all. A

Frogscotch7 · 30/08/2018 13:23

Posted too soon- I agree with a pp to explain the situation to the photographer in advance and see if he can help.

Clairetree1 · 30/08/2018 13:23

I don't understand who this child is, or why they are coming to your wedding, but surely it isn't an issue?

Don't you just call out the names of the people you want in each picture?

And anyway, if it will cause upset, just get them in one picture, then don't buy that picture.

BewareOfDragons · 30/08/2018 13:25

If your partner has only met his ex girlfriend's child 3 times in his/her life, then I fail to understand how she thinks his mother is her nan and he's related to her. WHy is she even coming to the wedding?

Something isn't adding up here.

Original poster
Kittykat12345 · 30/08/2018 13:26

I'm not including Any details of any of the children, including my own. 2 of the 4 are related and it was about weird inviting people but I don't want to say anything and upset anyone.

OP posts:
Original poster
Kittykat12345 · 30/08/2018 13:29

He wasn't around when she fell pregnant so his mum made the choice to have her call her nan ( ino I don't get it but she has got a big heart) and his ex is friends with people in the family ect. His children are in there teens.

OP posts:
ReanimatedSGB · 30/08/2018 13:30

Presumably the child's mother maintains a good relationship with your DP's mother (perhaps she has little contact with her own family). I think TBH you are being a bit precious: you might be better off regarding the child as another 'cousin'. It's hardly the child's fault.

Clairetree1 · 30/08/2018 13:30

weddings are public events, and anyone can invite themselves.

I presume this child isn't coming to the reception though- get some photos taken there

Iwasjustabouttosaythat · 30/08/2018 13:31

This is weird. 2 of your 4 children are related to this child? So he/she IS family? Then yes, she/he should be in photos with their siblings and you should be making the effort to see the child more often. Unless I misunderstood?

Feefeetrixabelle · 30/08/2018 13:31

I think it would be nice to have a photo of all children invited to the wedding together. And maybe a photo of the siblings as she is related by blood to a couple of them. That would be 2 photos out of dozens OP plus obviously the everyone picture.

I know you don’t know the child but they are 6 and they deserve your kindness.

whatwouldyoubelikeat28 · 30/08/2018 13:32

It appears the child is invited because it's half-siblings father is getting married. It's a step-child/sibling, of sorts. ANd it seems the OP's partner's mum is big enough to include the half sibling in her 'grandkids', I think you should embrace them too. Have a couple photos without them. But yes, your step-child is their half-sibling. Have a little compassion, how rude to exclude a little kid who is in your extended family.

MaryDollNesbitt · 30/08/2018 13:32

Do some pictures with the wee one and some without? Explain the situation to the photographer and hopefully they can arrange photographs with DP's family and the child if they want them. This way you don't have to buy pictures with the child in, but your DP's family can if they want to.