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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I being a bridezilla?

106 replies

Kittykat12345 · 30/08/2018 13:00

Right, a bit of back story. Me and my partner have a baby and all in all we have 4 children. His ex had a child when they split that isn't his and he never sees, but the child calls his mum nan. We are getting married and his family have invited his exis child.. and that's fine, I just don't want the child in family pictures that should be special. I get the child is just a child but I don't want someone me and my partner don't know in special pictures that are going to be hung up in our home. I know his family will probably feel different, but he agrees. What do I do ? The child also called our baby there sibling the first and only time they met and that really hurt me and I know my other child who is the same age really isn't going to like the whole situation. Please halp 😣

OP posts:
Gersemi · 30/08/2018 14:13

You haven't explained how come your DP's family is inviting anyone to your wedding?

Confusedbeetle · 30/08/2018 14:14

Oh and you dont have to have the family photo thing, they are always awful anyway

emmyrose2000 · 30/08/2018 14:15

YANBU

Between you and your fiance, you have four children (in various parental combinations). This fifth child is nothing to do with either of you. I wouldn't want him/her in my immediate family photos either.

I might compromise and have a group photo of the five kids together, but that'd be it. (Six year old plus her/his step siblings and their step sibling, plus their their new half sibling. Confused My head was spinning working that out).

But honestly, I wouldn't invite the six year old at all. Other than being a half sibling to two of the children there (your step kids), this child doesn't have any ties to anyone at the wedding.

gottastopeatingchocolate · 30/08/2018 14:16

It's OP's stepchildren's half-sibling.

So is OP's child.

Still family.

StressedToTheMaxx · 30/08/2018 14:16

When I marry my dp my own child's half sibling will not be invited To the wedding never mind included in the photo graphs.

Although I do agree with a previous poster.
They sugested getting a photo taken for your mil to be of all her grandchildren ( all the ones she classes as grandchildren blood & not blood)
It would be a lovely picture for her

RabbitsAreTasty · 30/08/2018 14:16

In that situation I would expect DH to phone the ex to say something like "I've heard that my mum has taken it upon herself to invite little Charlotte to the wedding. I know it is obvious that she was mistaken but I thought I'd better call to confirm that Alice and Bob are invited but not Charlotte. Sorry for any confusion mum caused. Alice and Bob should get the formal invitations in the post any day now."

RabbitsAreTasty · 30/08/2018 14:17

Your MIL doesn't get to add people to your gueat list! She can make suggestions. That's all.

onetimeposter · 30/08/2018 14:18

Your child's step sibling is just that-step. The child you are referring to is a half sibling. That child has more link to your partner's kids than your 6 year old.
Honestly why people get into situations like this and then get all prissy about whose kid is who, confuses me. You have taken on baggage, so has he. And nobody will look at your wedding photos except you, so just get some with and some without, and order the ones without.
I do think the one with the grandkids is a lovely idea.
He sounds spineless by the way. If he doesn't want the child there he needs to man up and tell his ex.

billybagpuss · 30/08/2018 14:21

I think you could be more laid back about it all. The child in question is related to 2 of your DPs children, presumably they have a good relationship with them.

You need to let the photographer know what pics you want so why don't you get a couple of the 3 half siblings together and a couple of the 3 of them with you. As pp's have mentioned you don't have to buy the pics but DP's other children may like to have a photo with their half sibling at their dads wedding. Also if you do buy it, it doesn't have to go in the official album.

You then just have the regular photos of everyone else and no one feels left out.

emmyrose2000 · 30/08/2018 14:22

  • (Six year old plus her/his step siblings and their step sibling, plus their their new half sibling. confused My head was spinning working that out).

That should be: Six year old plus her/his HALF siblings and their step sibling, plus their their new half sibling (I think). Confused

kaytee87 · 30/08/2018 14:23

I'm so confused as to who this child is related to?

theunsure · 30/08/2018 14:26

YABU

I have a weird extended family - family is not about blood. If this child has been invited to your wedding then you should make arrangements for them to be in some of the photos.

You can have some with just "your" DC as well - but there is no harm in extended shots.

If you are that precious then why invite them at all?

so glad we didn't invite anyone to our wedding, so much drama

Original poster
Kittykat12345 · 30/08/2018 14:28

😂 his children's half sibling share the same mother and there's our child that's his children's half sibling on there dads side and my child that will be there step siblin 😂😂

OP posts:
Brambleboo · 30/08/2018 14:32

I find it very odd. Would the ex want your 6yo and baby at her wedding? Probably not.

You've been put in a very awkward position and I would be asking the in laws not to bring the little boy/girl as it's causing you stress and upset. What will you say and how will you feel on your wedding day when someone unwittingly asks you who that child is?

NasdaqYouTwat · 30/08/2018 14:35

If you are that precious then why invite them at all?

If you'd read the OP's posts you'd know that the OP didn't invite her

StressedToTheMaxx · 30/08/2018 14:38

How will the child get to the wedding? Will dp's ex bring the child or will nan/ mil to be bring the child?
Seems very odd.

onetimeposter · 30/08/2018 14:39

Sometimes on here there are almost unbelievable posts which scream utter chaos, usually about stepfamilies and attitudes towards children and which are almost always alongside poor grammar ('siblin') and dubious use of emojis...…
Not being cynical but Hmm

peachgreen · 30/08/2018 14:39

I thought I understood what was going on up until that last post but now I'm confused all over again!

Either way I feel a bit sorry for this child. S/he has been made to feel part of the family by MIL but you and your partner obviously don't feel the same way and therefore want to exclude him or her. I understand why but it's a shame for the child.

Life's too short really. There will be tons of people in your wedding photos you lose touch with or fall out with. I wouldn't worry about it, personally. But then I consider my cousins step-siblings and my step-aunt's sister as family so maybe I'm just a bit too inclusive!

Original poster
Kittykat12345 · 30/08/2018 14:39

Tbh i dont know.

OP posts:
kaytee87 · 30/08/2018 14:39

Oh god still confused. Is the child your fiancés children's half sibling? Is that right?
If so, I think I'd be inclined to let them come as they're only little.
Just give lists of photographs you want to the photographer and they can shout out names/ get ushers to help round people up.

Original poster
Kittykat12345 · 30/08/2018 14:40

His mum is

OP posts:
Bibidy · 30/08/2018 14:41

I don't think this is a dilemma at all, surely this child is just another wedding guest?

She can be in the photos of the whole wedding party, but not in the family photos.

My MIL has many friends with children who she thinks of as family, but that doesn't mean she gets to invite them to my wedding and insist they're in family photos. It's not even like the child is your fiance's stepchild, he doesn't know her either?

Just say no to her in the family pics.

Original poster
Kittykat12345 · 30/08/2018 14:41

His children.

OP posts:
NasdaqYouTwat · 30/08/2018 14:41

@gottastopeatingchocolate

I wouldn't consider a kid who my ex had after we split a part of my family.

Bibidy · 30/08/2018 14:42

I think it's weird that your MIL would invite your fiance's ex's child to your wedding.

She can be as close as she wants to the child and her mum, but that doesn't make her part of your family, particularly as it's not like your fiance had any part in bringing her up.