Friends crashing family holiday

[Bearhorn]

Every year my family and I go for winter sun in the October half term. We often do big group holidays with friends and family during the summer holidays, but this week has historically been just the four of us. We go to the same place where we have favourite restaurants and beaches and kind of always do the same things. We've been going since our children were little and they're now both secondary school age so it's nice that they still want to do it and the place is full of childhood memories etc. It may well be the last time we ever go as a family. Anyway, a friend of ours contacted my husband a few weeks back to ask where exactly we went for our winter sun. So my husband told him and sent him a link to our hotel. He replied by saying, looks great, mind if we crash it? My husband wrote back and said, give me a call, it's a great place but I'm not convinced it's entirely your cup of tea. A day later he got a reply from his friend saying he'd booked it. Now firstly AIBU in being really upset that they're coming on our holiday without really checking it was OK with us? They're nice people but there's no chemistry between their children and ours. And, selfishly, I just really, really like having this holiday as a 'just us' holiday!!! And regardless of whether or not AIBU, WWYD? It's too late to say they can't come (and I wouldn't anyway, that would be appallingly awkward and rude) but is there any way of managing the situation so that we can still do lots of stuff on our own? Without being rude or having to have a Difficult Conversation?

I’d Book a couple of things in advance, and just drop them in - ‘create’ some space - especially if you know things book up! I’m thinking a catermeran trip, or boat hire for 4 only! Oh and defo a spa day for you to get valuable reading in! Incase you need some space! Hopefully nothing as bad as you think and you might end up wanting them to tag along

It's perfectly possible to make it clear you like your own space on holiday without cancelling the trip or changing hotels.

You can make it so clear that it can be seen from 10 miles away, but the other half of the deal still have to take note and act on it, and in this case it sounds (I'm another one picking up on the 'crash') like they're thinking this is going to be a joint holiday. Particularly if the other couple, unlike the OP and her family, aren't tied to half term dates.

A difficulty here is that the OP and her DH aren't together on this. She and her DCs see this as special family time, while her DH appears to see it as just another holiday. I think, OP, that you need to get him on side before you go away, otherwise there's the potential for him to be very happy to do things all together and to accuse YOU of being awkward when you have other ideas. You can come up with all kinds of tactics in advance for the actual holiday, but they will only work if DH backs you up.

Does your hotel have a sister hotel nearby OP ? Maybe you could change. I really feel for you.

Well done OP - absolutely the right spirit.

I'm sure you'll all have a great time.

I really feel for your daughter, no matter how it pans out it's taking away the lovely anticipation of the holiday.

Make sure you spell out to your dh you will bite your tongue at his fuck up this once - before his mouth runs away with him and he makes plans for next year too!!

Maybe look for an alternative resort next year. And don't tell DH.

Oh you are a good friend, Bearhorn!
I hope you still manage to have a fab holiday and they don't impinge too much on your family time.
But if they're early risers, then you becoming late risers for the week might help with reduced interaction! So long as you switch all phones off...

Same thing exactly just happened to me: we booked an all-inclusive resort for the holidays. A mom from one of my daughter’s school (they only have one daughter who is in our eldest daughter’s class - they are always looking for friends for their daughter to hang out with) asked us where we were going. I stupidly told her. Next thing I know, I get an email from her, saying she’s looking to reserve at the same place. She asked “what do you think”. We genuinely like these people, but my husband and I are not interested in hanging out with them 24/7. Since it’s an all inclusive resort and our daughters are friends, it would be extremely awkward not to sit next to each other at the pool, and have lunch and dinner with them every night. We value our family time, and encourage our daughters to meet new people and experience new things. In out opinion, our daughter doesn’t need to be hanging out with the same kid she sees at school all year, while on family holidays. So, anyway, the mom was pressuring me for an answer, so I had to write her a polite but firm email saying that I hope she doesn’t take it personally, but with work, school and activities all year, we feel pulled in so many different directions that we really value our “alone” family time and we book these vacations to get away from it all. No response so far. I can only assume that she’s offended, but I just had to tell her! I know that we can’t prevent people from going to whatever resort they choose, but in my opinion, choosing a resort based on the fact that someone else you know is going there (who has not invited you to join them) is just plain unacceptable!