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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask what keeps you so busy with a newborn?

356 replies

Floraleigh · 30/08/2018 06:58

Apologies if this seems daft but I'm a first time mum and no idea what to expect from my NB. I've seen the stories that I can't have a hot cuppa for months, but why? If babies sleep 14-18 hours per day, what am I doing whilst baby is sleeping? What keeps you so busy and knackered?

Trying to prepare myself and DH as he seems to think he'll have time to keep up hobbies at the same pace when the baby is here. This isn't meant to be goady, really haven't the slightest what to expect from a tiny baby!

OP posts:
kaytee87 · 30/08/2018 08:02

When they're not having their 15-30 minute nap at a time, they're usually crying.
My son wanted fed every 2 hours and I expressed every 3 hours as he wouldn't latch. It takes quite a while to feed, burp, change, express, clean everything up / sterilise.
The only thing I did for myself in the first few weeks was shower/bath everyday, to prevent infection, as I had a lot of stitches, eat and drink tonnes of water.
I was lucky if I got 3 hours sleep in 24 and they weren't consecutive.

NotAnotherJaffaCake · 30/08/2018 08:02

Make the most of the mornings before your DH goes to work. Either hand him the baby for as long as possible to catch up on shuteye or grab a shower in peace and quiet and get into clean pyjamas. DH would pop and old jumper over his work clothes and jiggle DCs/shovel in breakfast one handed/ stick a load of washing on and them he could just take the puke covered jumper off before he left the house and look presentable.

LisaSimpsonsbff · 30/08/2018 08:03

It also depends what you want to get done... I've actually done a fair amount (maybe a couple of hours a day, on average?) work, because while a bit slow it's quite easy to type onehanded on a laptop while a baby sleeps on you. If you want to do housework though (I don't, much - I've always had low standards and I also don't see why DH should be doing less housework than he was before we had a baby so feel no obligation to do it during the day!) then that can be much harder - I can just about vacuum while wearing the sling but anything that involves a lot of bending to the floor is out, and I also don't like spraying chemicals as I'm doing it so close to his face.

NotAnotherJaffaCake · 30/08/2018 08:04

And if your DH can make a sandwich before he leaves and stick it in the fridge for you, it's one less thing to worry about.

But as others said, totally depends on which DC you get. DC2 had no choice but to fit in with routine of DC1 and is probably a bit more chilled because of it. DC1 didn't sleep but you do what you can.

kaytee87 · 30/08/2018 08:07

Oh god and the evenings are awful with a newborn, they usually start crying at 5pm and don't stop until 9pm. If my husband had wanted to go and do hobbies in the evenings whilst ds was a newborn I wouldn't have coped. I needed him there so we could take turns walking round, jiggling and shushing baby and eating cold dinner.

Idontbelieveinthemoon · 30/08/2018 08:09

DS1 was the easiest baby imaginable; they taught me when he was born to swaddle him (a lovely older midwife found us both crying at 4am on the ward and took him from me so I could sleep, returned him to me silent and swaddled and we never looked back - he just needed that 'pressure' to be able to sleep).

DS2 felt that sleep was only to be taken in 20 minute sessions every few hours - and only on DH or I - from the moment he was born. This meant that everything had to be done in 20 minute windows - showers, cups of tea, meals, everything. It was utter madness and the sleep deprivation was a huge source of stress between DH and I til DS2 began to realise that sleep wasn't for the meek.

It took til he was 5 for him to sleep through the night and in all that time I probably had 1 hot cup of tea a week, every other one was forgotten while the despot took over. He's lovely now, and a great sleeper, but I quickly realised why sleep deprivation is a form of torture.

LisaSimpsonsbff · 30/08/2018 08:09

but don't forget that a lot of people are also busy mumsnetting with things that keep them occupied, but are not necessarily essential.

I don't know about other people, but all my mumsnetting is now done onehanded while feeding - I haven't written a post with both boobs covered since he was born! (Yes, I am feeding right now) So it's not exactly time that I could easily be using to spruce up the garden...

qumquat · 30/08/2018 08:09

Dd fed for 18 hours a day (undiagnosed tongue tie). I could only feed two handed so couldn't even reach for a drink during those hours. It was also incredibly painful. Newborn stage was HELL!!!

DieAntword · 30/08/2018 08:09

With my first I was so overwhelmed by my newfound responsibility and lack of capacity to just do whatever I liked as the mood took me that I felt insanely busy. I stressed about things that weren’t worth the stress and made my own life miserable.

Once I had my second I realised how easy babies are and how well they just slot into the family routine, but by then I had a toddler and was legitimately busy.

grasspigeons · 30/08/2018 08:10

I was able to drink and shower and get out and about, but my first baby fed for 40 minutes and his feeds were about 2.45 apart day and night. So I was very tired from not getting more than 2 hours sleep in a row, so small things seemed like a big deal. Some baby's guzzle down their food in 10 minutes and stretch to four hours. Just go with what you get.

bibblebobblebubble · 30/08/2018 08:11

Really depends on the baby. DS1 would often only sleep if walked around in a pushchair. And sometimes took 45 min or so to breastfeed. So not much resting time left. DS2 was easier and if it hadn’t been for also looking after DS1 being a toddler I might have got more time / rest!

Wonkypalmtree · 30/08/2018 08:13

I drank loads of tea, double figures a day in the first week, it kept me going during the night

PlatypusPie · 30/08/2018 08:14

I remember us looking at DD1, snoozing away, after we brought her back from hospital and saying ‘ what do we do now, then ? ‘

Hahahahahaha

FromNowOn · 30/08/2018 08:14

Mine fed 2 hourly day and night. Hated being put down, had severe reflux. Cried in the bouncer when I had a shower. Spent our evenings eating separately as one of us paced round with him. Had two 20 minute naps a day.

Yeah loads of time for a cuppa...Hmm

PurpleFlower1983 · 30/08/2018 08:14

I’m so glad you posted this! I’m pregnant with my first and need all the tips I can get!

Spikeyball · 30/08/2018 08:14

Mine was 5 weeks early so fed every 2 - 3 hours for the first 2 months. He couldn't latch so needed expressed milk and formula top up. The feeding, pumping, sterilising, making up bottles and setting enough to put down took 90 minutes each time. 3 hours of broken sleep a day makes doing much else difficult.

SnuggyBuggy · 30/08/2018 08:16

I had to get a better phone so I can use apps for things like banking and food shopping as I don't get a chance to sit at a computer

Spikeyball · 30/08/2018 08:16

He also didn't have what I would call a proper nap till he was about 5 months old.

lifechangesforever · 30/08/2018 08:16

I have a 6 week old baby now, I'm up around 6 and I get my breakfast at 11 if I'm lucky, and then it's a banana.

Feeding takes around 40 minutes each time and then she's awake for a an hour or so I have my cuddles and time talking to her then she has a tantrum because she's getting tired and won't self settle yet so I spent 20 minutes getting her to sleep and then it's 15 minutes of me working out if it's safe to put her down.

So then I have my brief time to myself, in which time I have 100 house jobs to do, feed myself, go to the toilet or sometimes I just sit and do nothing.

Then she wakes and it all starts again!! I applaud those that do have all this time but I just haven't found it yet. I'm sure I'll get there though - and I have a good baby too apart from being so angry when she's tired Grin

Forgotthebins · 30/08/2018 08:17

DH may well keep up his old hobbies. I've seen that happen as life carries on being more structured for the Dads - help in the morning, go to work, go to his 5-aside on Thursdays and out early on the morning on Saturday for a nice long bikeride. Meanwhile the mum is so discombobulated by being woken up every 2 hours, stressed by not knowing why baby cried inconsolably for hours yesterday, lost social contact from pre-baby friends etc - that she can go into a bit of a hole. So don't let that happen! If DH keeps a hobby, so should you. Apols if he's actually planning to share a lot of the load and doing good timetabling already, but I do feel so strongly that women need to defend their interests post-baby as things so often change in relationships at that point.

EssentialHummus · 30/08/2018 08:17

It depends really. For me the baby was easy enough, but I was high on adrenaline and really couldn't switch off for the first month or so. The newfound dependency also hit me hard, so I found I was staying awake just to get a bit of me time.

The other thing that I didn't understand pre-baby was a sort of "cost" issue - so the baby is asleep in my arms, fine. I'd like a coffee, and I can see the kettle, and DH is in the next room. But if I try to get up or to call him, the baby may wake up, and then we're back to feeding. So I'll just sit here, because the potential cost of that coffee is too high.

kaytee87 · 30/08/2018 08:18

Snap to everything @Spikeyball ! My ds didn't start napping any longer than 20 minutes until he was 5/6months.
He's 2 now and a champion napper, 2 hours at lunchtime and 12 hours at night (although will still get up occasionally)

lifechangesforever · 30/08/2018 08:19

Oh and there's bottle washing and sterilising in there too, which comes around quicker each time I'm sure.

ArfArfBarf · 30/08/2018 08:21

With my first they were a dream (until the 4 month sleep regression kicked in). Breastfed for 10mins every 3 hours, otherwise napped in Moses basket.

Dc2 fed every hour and hated being put down. I didn’t do a lot except watch tv.

Dc3 was 6 weeks early. He was put on a strict three hour feeding routine by the hospital. So he needed to start a feed every 3 hrs. I lived in three hour intervals like this.

Breast feedfor 45mins
Bottle feed for 15mins
Wind/settle for 15mins
Pump for 30mins
Wash/sterilise pump parts and bottles 10mins
Sleep/eat/shower/do washing/play with other dc/clean house 1hr5mins

Round the clock

FromNowOn · 30/08/2018 08:22

DH as he seems to think he'll have time to keep up hobbies at the same pace when the baby is here.

Be careful of this.

There are plenty of posts on here from exhausted mothers of babies whose DH’s act like their life hasn’t changed.

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