To ask what keeps you so busy with a newborn?

[Floraleigh]

Apologies if this seems daft but I'm a first time mum and no idea what to expect from my NB. I've seen the stories that I can't have a hot cuppa for months, but why? If babies sleep 14-18 hours per day, what am I doing whilst baby is sleeping? What keeps you so busy and knackered?

Trying to prepare myself and DH as he seems to think he'll have time to keep up hobbies at the same pace when the baby is here. This isn't meant to be goady, really haven't the slightest what to expect from a tiny baby!

I had an easy newborn, woke every 4 hours for a change and feed then back to sleep in his Moses. It’s a lot harder to get a cuppa made now he’s nearly 1

I wish someone would have told my newborn they were supposed to sleep 14-16 hours a day...
But in all seriousness every baby is totally different. Some will sleep, some won't. Some will be happy put down, some will want constant holding.
Just have zero expectations, take each day as it comes and enjoy every minute.

@Skittlesandbeer finally (12 years on ) someone has summed up how it was for me. The emotional storm around having a baby. A true shock to the system. It wasn’t that I couldn’t physically do what needed to be done, it was all the feelings and emotions that made me feel like I was too overwhelmed to do it.

Thank you for describing it so well.

The thing is they usually want to sleep on you or in a moving pram/car so 90% of your life is trying to get baby to sleep! That said I have recently had a baby and also have a 2 year old and I don't know why I found it so hard last time. The newborn is so much easier than the toddler and I feel I'm having a day off when the toddler is taken out and I'm alone with the baby.

My baby didn't sleep. When he did he was a 'high maintenance' sleeper - had to be at the breast (wouldn't take a dummy), rocked or jiggled in my arms. So even when he was asleep I couldn't get anything done (including sleep myself). For me it was a relentless cycle of feed, wind, change, rock, feed, wind, change, rock....don't think I put him down for longer than about 20 minutes for the first 6 weeks. Hopefully your baby will be a better sleeper though.

LOL! Congratulations on your pregnancy OP! I've got 14 months between mine. It's absolutely not true that you'll not be able to have a shower or a hot cup of tea for the next 2 years, but there will be days where it feels just that way!

I think the main reason you don't get a cup of tea (at the beginning) is because as a FTM your mindset is that of which it's always been. You've never had to consider dealing with a baby so you've always just been able to do something. With a baby in the mix, once it's asleep you'll likely automatically think about the housework that needs doing. Washing up/washing/laundry/showering/going to the loo/ general tidying or even just catching up on your own sleep! You can't do all of those things and leave the house in a day. It becomes apparent quite quickly and is a big shock that everything takes 20 times as long as it did before. Not to mention the phone calls from people/visits/the need to get out of the house yourself!! It's tough being Mum. You've spent your entire life doing things one way and you're going to have to figure out a new way.

Everything is possible, you just need to figure it out and that will take time. The doom lords who tell you you won't have time to shower for 3 days are grim. That truly is disgusting. There is always time for a 2 min shower. The best advice I can give is make sure your DH has jobs which are his responsibility otherwise you will kill yourself doing everything, the mental load will become overwhelming and you will resent him. My OHs jobs were to ensure the bottles were sterilised, the dummys were rounded up and put in a sterile pot, that I always had a cup of tea every morning and to put the bins out. Obv he had other things too but those made my life much easier.

You'll figure it out just like we all have. It's tough but it's brilliant. X

Add in MIL wanting to visit all the time, sitting on her arse but making bitchy comments about the state of the house, expecting to be chauffeured around - she demanded to be taken to the next town even though said I was really tired, so ended up sleeping in the car with the baby while she shopped.

My babies were easy, slept. But it's the disruption of sleep that's the killer so being up in night means simple jobs harder in day.

Having said that I was ultra lucky with the babies.

I also think if yiu do accept baby has been sleeping moving in yiu on a cosy want environment and he won't sleep on a flat, hard moses basket in an ultra quiet room.. Life becomes easier.

I could've written your post word for word a year ago. The hot cup of coffee was my favourite thing to focus on.

Even if people list x y and z, you may still find it hard to believe (I did). I thought i would be OK if I was a good multitasker.

In a non shitty way, just wait and see. It's all consuming (in a mostly good way!!) and you'll find yourself doing/not doing what people warned you about and the penny will drop. It's honestly nothing you can truly be prepared for ahead of time. But it's great. Good luck!

@MapleLeafRag your MIL is a cow. Everyone I know with extended families realises it is their job to allow and ensure the mother showers, eats, sleeps etc. I visited a friend whose wife's family had to fly back home after 4 days on the 5th day. So I was left holding the baby while she went to have a bath, and because he wanted to be held in a particular way I was the one who couldn't have my tea hot. I wasn't bothered as I knew that was normal.

Buy a bouncer that vibrates and you can bounce with your foot. It was the only thing that freed me up to pump milk. A few times I pumped (hands free bra), bounced ds and dried my hair at the same time 😂

I didn't find the newborn phase too bad at all. With my first, establishing BF was really hard and I faffed around with pumping and stuff which was really time consuming, but once that was sorted (about a month) she would go 3 hours between feeds at night and 2 hours in the day. It also took about a month until she would go in her cot at night and preferred to sleep on us, but would always sleep for little stretches of time in her bouncy chair in the daytime so I could make lunch or have a shower. I stocked up on snacks and drinks and sat feeding on the sofa, watched loads of box sets. She always slept well in the buggy so I went out for loads of walks and met friends for coffee and lunch. Never really had a nappy explosion and stopped pooing at night after about 6/8 weeks. So I didn't find it too bad.

From the crawling stage onwards though, you're screwed ;o)

If all else fails, you can totally make a drink or have a 2 minute shower as it will absolutely not hurt the baby to cry for 2 minutes. You have needs too!

Honestly, it is all dependent on your baby. My first DC slept a lot to the extent I would often frantically check he was still breathing because he hadn’t cried for so long . I would clean, watch daytime TV and drink lots of coffee but it was boring as sin and I looked forward to him growing up to keep me entertained . I wasn’t busy at all...

DC2 and 3, however, total different ball game. Obviously I also had a toddler(S) to contend with but they were completely different babies. They cried whenever they were put down, constantly wanted to either be held or attached to my breast, cluster fed for sometimes an hour at a time, at one stage I couldn’t have a quick shower without having them sitting in their bouncer beside the shower .

It really does depend on the temperament of your child.

DD was the easiest baby on the planet. Seriously. I got really lucky. I could have set her on a timer, almost to the minute.

She woke every 4 hours - changed, breastfed, quick wind, nice smooshy newborn cuddle and then back in the basket. Always put down awake but sleepy, and she would nod off in no time. I then had 4-ish hours to myself before she woke up again.

For the first couple of weeks I took things really easy as my bits were in tatters and I was walking around like I'd lost my fucking donkey. But after that, it was kind of 'back to normal', just with a gorgeous baby to stop and fuss over every few hours.

This is the best analogy I can think of. Imagine you've been in a car crash. You also haven't slept for around 48 hours as you've been in hospital being treated. You have the worst and heaviest period you've ever had. The hospital send you home with a new puppy. The puppy will only sleep in the daytime, during which you shower, eat and see all the visitors who have insisted on coming over and telling you how happy you must be about your new puppy. Your puppy must be hand fed all evening. They then howl inconsolably all through the night and you have to constantly clean up their poo. And repeat.

I was bored stiff with a newborn! There's only so much cleaning and telly watching you can do. Mine all slept well and from the start I didn't let them sleep on me, always in the cot. Topping up feeds with formula helped too. Everyone's experience is different.

Mine all slept well and from the start I didn't let them sleep on me, always in the cot.

No, they let you put them down and now you're being a smug twat about something that's pure luck. Unless you mean you let a newborn cry for hours rather than letting them sleep on you, which is really nothing to boast of.

Imagine feeding baby for say 30 mins. Then winding and settling, another 30 mins then baby sleeps for a 2 hours. Do that on repeat 24/7 and you'll soon see why you'll be too knackered for anything.

Make sure your dh sees this or he will become an one of those dads who doesn't chbage their life when children come along.

It highly depends on the type of baby you get but even the most settled of babies will puke / poop up their back and require constant changing! Sometimes they manage to puke / poop / wee on you, them and the bedding. The laundry is never ending.

Feeding can take up a good eight hours of your day or so in the early stages.

My first would never sleep anywhere but on me (for the first nine months of her life), wouldn't be put down when awake and had a lip tie, meaning she would sometimes take hours to feed (she also never slept more than one and a half hours at a time and did't nap after 5 weeks of age).
My second was a revelation. Slept through from day one, happy to go down, quick feeder. I managed to shower, drink coffee, leave the house etc.

Like another poster said it’s not like a running around rushed off your feet busy more a low level constantly something to do busy. You find yourself cramming everything into baby sized slots. I’m saying this as someone who has 3 dc and all have been different sleepers.
Dd rarely napped in the day but was very laid back and happy to be out in a bouncy seat for a short time or in her cot looking at her mobile while I had a shower but even then there were limits to how long she’d be happy doing that sonthings were all done to do with that, add in feeding every two hours day and night at first and the changing of nappies, winding etc. It does all add up.
I liked the suggestion of splitting a clock face and putting in a normal day then adding in times for feeding and changing and it’s easy to see how time is taken up.

I notice you haven’t been back OP I hope we’ve not worried you with our non sleeping baby tales of woe. It is an exhausting time but it’s worth it and even if you do get a non sleeper you’ll get through it and be fine.

*I didn't let them sleep on me, always in a cot
*
Ahahahahhahahaha!

Of course you didn't. More like they were babies who were happy to be put down. They do exist.

Pure luck, not superior parenting technique.

Good point - I hated people trying to scare me when I was pregnant. I've never been so exhausted but I've also never been so happy - no one could have explained to me before quite how tired I'd feel, but they also couldn't have explained how amazing it is just to sit and watch his tiny, perfect little face and know that I made him.