To ask what keeps you so busy with a newborn?

[Floraleigh]

Apologies if this seems daft but I'm a first time mum and no idea what to expect from my NB. I've seen the stories that I can't have a hot cuppa for months, but why? If babies sleep 14-18 hours per day, what am I doing whilst baby is sleeping? What keeps you so busy and knackered?

Trying to prepare myself and DH as he seems to think he'll have time to keep up hobbies at the same pace when the baby is here. This isn't meant to be goady, really haven't the slightest what to expect from a tiny baby!

All depends on the baby - but the sleep tends to come in blocks and can be unpredictable, certainly initially anyway. Do not underestimate how draining a disrupted sleep pattern can be on you. Also combined with hormones and recovering from giving birth.

I have an 8 week old and some days he sleeps lots and I manage to get quite a lot done in between feeds.

Other days, like yesterday, he was awake all day. He literally didn't sleep for ten hours. He wasn't crying but he was just awake.

Although I never struggle to drink my drink. But I don't have tea anyway. I'm on caffeinated energy drinks

I formula feed as well so that probably allows me slightly more freedom and time.

Good Luck

After about ten days mine stopped just dropping off to sleep so I spent half my day trying to get them to sleep (as they were grumpy and got worse if they didn’t sleep). They’d only sleep for a single sleep cycle of forty minutes.

Hahahahaha. I clearly forgot to order a newborn who slept 14 hours a day and who napped in a cot for three hours at a time.

As previous posters have said, not every baby sleeps 14 hours a day, they are all different. I was lucky my daughter was a great sleeper from birth but for the first week I found it difficult to shower, go and do stuff etc because I was scared to leave her side in case she woke up. It was a nervous first time mum thing.

Entirely depends on the baby. If you breastfeed you'll spend a lot of time on the sofa breastfeeding. My dd would only sleep in my arms (so again stuck on sofa) or in her pushchair so I could easily spend 2-3 hours a day walking outside to keep her asleep which cut into time to do other things.

However, I rarely had an issue showering. Cooking dinner was tough at newborn stage as dd would cluster feed so DP did all the cooking for about 2 months and made my lunch for the next day. I have been fortunate enough to never understand the whole 'you'll never have a hot drink' thing and in 3.5 years there's been maybe one occasion where we have struggled to leave the house (bf probably helped here as I didn't need to ensure I had bottles made up).

With my first I didn't even have time to brush my teeth, she was relentless. Screamed constantly.

With my second (and with a toddler in tow) I got in the swing of things quite quickly, but I think a lot of that was having a routine already. Although my second was a much easier baby.

I think it just totally depends on the baby.

Same as Twooter, mine woke up when I tried to put him down. I remember trying to peel carrots with him in the papoose. Plus it was a very hot summer and he was bf so he was feeding/drinking relentlessly.

It depends on the baby, totally. And how you feed. If you breastfeed then this will take up most of the day. Every time you change them they wee everywhere and need an outfit change. So then all clothes need to be washed. If they have any sort of colic then that's your entire evening gone as you'll be pacing up and down as being rocked ans walked around are the only things that help. Cluster feeding with breastfed babies lasted 1.5 hours on average every evening. Even really good babies tend to startle and cry when they are put down flat at first so you will be holding it a lot. A sling is useful for getting stuff done but hot drinks is hard due to the spill / burn risk if they are always on you. You can still get a drink just a hot one isn't very safe for a while. When the baby sleeps then that's your time to shower and eat. Or if they wake up a lot at night, then you want to sleep if they nap well in the day.

I think if you get a 'good' baby then you can get a fair bit of downtime but you are likely to still be carrying the baby around with you at the same time for the newborn stage.

We found both times for us that hobbies were put on hold for a few months until we had a bit of routine (4 months maybe?)

The first 6 weeks were hard for me...recovering from birth...learning to breast feed. No baby is really sleeping through the night

Then 6 weeks until about 6 months I was mostly bored tbh.

It can entirely depend on the baby..mine all fed in 5 minutes...But some people woukd be feeding for over an hour ever 2 hours. They had amazing patience

I always found the newborn - 6 months stage very easy... it’s when they start crawling and napping less it gets hard!
First baby is easiest as you only have to sort them out and your life pretty much revolves around their routine. Second babies are harder because you’re trying to establish a routine and also care for another child who also needs you.

It depends on the baby. I had one who would only settle on me and would also scream for hours on an evening. My other baby was a dream in the newborn days, settled in the cot no problem. Everything takes time. Feeding, changing etc. I’d change baby to find they pooed in the fresh nappy so would have to start over. They also generate loads of washing especially if baby is refluxy.

I'd be more worried about the DHs expectation that he'll 'keep up his hobbies at the same pace' TBH. Does he not expect to look after his child at all? Or plan to do his share of all the extra washing his child will produce? Be tired due to broken sleep?

If his hobby takes him out of the house for hours at a time, will he ever take the baby with him?

My first had undiagnosed CMPA (cows milk allergy) and screamed for weeks straight unless I stood up and held her in a very specific position. She also threw up constantly. Once we finally got someone to believe how unwell she was and got prescription formula, she slowly got better. This was at a few months old though, so the newborn days were basically change nappy, feed, wind, wipe up vomit/change our clothes, stand up and hold her, wipe more vomit... it was mentally and physically exhausting, I didn't have the energy for anything more than the bare minimum (getting washed and dressed, washing her bottles and having one handed meals).

DS is 7 weeks and so far NOT sufferi with CMPA. He's not keen on being put down at the moment but he's 10 times more chilled than DD, and I still don't get much time to get stuff done or relax!

I would also nip the hobby thing in the bud. you'll soon become resentful if he carries on as is before children.

Your lives have to change together. You are both about to become parents. Being left holding the baby so to speak is hard on no sleep. I used to literally clock watch the last hour before DH came home on a bad day.

I have a seven week old who seems to be sort of medium in terms of sleep/feeding/crying - not one of those ones people talk about who sleep through from birth (I think people who say this either have a dodgy definition of sleeping through or should have sought medical attention as a newborn really shouldn't be going that long without food) and then slept all day, but one who will allow himself to be put down sometimes, will happily sleep for hours in the sling. He will sometimes have long naps in his Moses basket, but you never know how long it'll be, so it's hard to get much done. Plus I am so, so tired from not having slept more than two hours in a row since early July - I think the impact of very broken sleep is hard to overestimate; I regularly used to go to work on four or five hours sleep, but I didn't realise how different it is if that's four hours in a block. I have showered without problems almost every day, but had the odd day when he screamed every time I was about to get in it, and of course for some people that's every day. The 'no hot tea' thing for me is logistical - my most reliable downtime is when he's in the sling (and of course I can't sleep then! But can do other things) and that means I drink plenty of tea, but it's all lukewarm as it has to be drunk over a baby's head...

It really depends on the temperament of the baby. My first baby (now 22 months) was the type you couldn’t put down for a second without him screaming the house down, he was refluxy, would only nap whilst being held, would wake multiple times a night leaving me exhausted and used to projectile vomit whole feeds meaning I’d have to start all over again and also had a lot of washing to do. Second baby (12 weeks old) is easy going, can be fussy and colicky in the evening though), sleeps well (often 6-7 hrs in a row at night and is breastfed), is happy to be left for a short time looking at her toys whilst I sort out my son or put on a wash and is generally a delightful baby (at the moment). If I had my second baby first I think I would have had an almighty shock

Sorry but post too soon! I think I would have had a shock when I had my second! I think I prefer it this way round though as I can juggle them a little bit easier because my daughter is an easy going baby at present.

Ds1 barely slept for the first 12 weeks and screamed whenever I tried to put him down. We were in a semi with thin walls and grumpy neighbours which was very stressful. I could t leave to cry whilst I had a shower or made a cup of tea. I remember hallucinating giant rabbits at one point.

Also, it's amazing how quickly you forget stuff, so I can already see how some people look back at the newborn days as easier than they were. DS has been pooing daily rather than every single feed (so around 10 times a day) for literally two weeks and I had already forgotten about how much time the constant poos took until other people mentioned it on this thread!

It is highly unlikely to be as bad as some make out on SM and does depend on your child's personality as well as your priorities.

My DD2 was a horrific sleeper and would not be put down much (which we found out later on was due to CMPA), but I still insisted on jumping in the shower, sorting out my hair and make-up daily and ensuring I had some hot food, too. Occasionally she just had to wait or I would wear her.

You will be very busy - I found that feeding and sorting out any feeding equipment used to take up the most time - but don't forget that a lot of people are also busy mumsnetting with things that keep them occupied, but are not necessarily essential.

As long as you prioritise and also make sure you look after yourself, it will be a challenging time, but by far not as horrendous as some of the horror stories you read.

Mine only slept on me, which was lovely most of the time. Just yeah, I watched a lot of TV and struggled to move to get a cup of tea. And sometimes a quick feed would go on much longer than you expected and you’d be desperate for a wee.
In a way since they’re so little though you can just eat a (luke warm) lunch or drink a (like warm) cup of tea over them and they don’t get in the way all that much, but if you have someone passing you the lunch and tea it helps!’
And then in evening witching hour starts and it never just lasts an hour.

Ive just had to accept that after a week or two mine simply won't be put down to nap during the day. She will sleep in the sling or a moving pram or car and that's it. If put down during the day she would instantly start screaming. It's only very recently that she can do short amounts of time in a bouncy seat.

Leaving them to scream is very distressing. I rarely used the toilet, I lived on one handed junk food or I would push her in the pram until she dozed and buy a Gregg's and try to eat it while walking.

I've got a 6 month old and there are some days when I do manage to get time to myself and others when quite frankly it's manic! I have a toddler as well.
My first baby would feed for hours (bfing) and then would only sleep on my lap/in my arms so I wouldn't get anything done.
In the early days baby will sleep lots but you'll be so exhausted from the nights you'll probably not have the energy to do anything else.
Also in the evenings the baby may have colic and cry for hours so again you might not have time for hobbies.
Sorry if it sounds scary, it all changes as they get older but I would say you are unlikely to have time for hobbies for a good while after the baby is born.

My first baby breast feed up to 13 hours a day for up to 40 minutes at a time. ....that’s what, 520 minutes... so an average of 8 hours in a 24 hour period, of feeding. Throw in winding, nappy changes x 10, settling, shushing etc etc and time adds up. He’d really only sleep in my arms so I was stuck to the sofa a lot of the time abs definitely didn’t have the freedom for showers and making myself cups of tea.

At night he would cluster feed from 11pm until about 3am, and then up again at 6am. I was exhausted. I can’t explain how much the sleep deprivation affects you.

Before my husband went to work he would fill lots of water bottles for me and make me a packed lunch so that when I was hungry I could just go to the fridge and get some ready made dinner - it made things a lot easier knowing that I was at least going to be able to eat without having to find a spare two minutes to prepare something.

My husband would come home at 5pm and then he’d take over baby duties and I would go to bed for two hours - and boy did I fall asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow.

My second baby came with reflux, colic and an allergy to dairy and the nights were filled with screaming and crying (me included) and he would only sleep in hour periods. As soon as I dropped off he would be awake again. It’s so, so draining.

He’s just turned 1 and still wakes up 2+ times a night.

The only positive is that I think the sleep deprivation is easier to handle the second time round and as long as I can get 5 hours sleep a night, albeit broken sleep, I can survive.

As has been said - you can never be prepared for a baby until you have one.

With both babies I found the first few weeks the easiest because they didn’t really do anything but when they hit 4 weeks old their needs really increased and that’s when the struggles began and the exhaustion really started building up.

Congratulations on your pregnancy OP but your scenario of sleeping babies that don’t do much and alllow you to have time to yourself is very, very far from the reality