To ask what keeps you so busy with a newborn?

[Floraleigh]

Apologies if this seems daft but I'm a first time mum and no idea what to expect from my NB. I've seen the stories that I can't have a hot cuppa for months, but why? If babies sleep 14-18 hours per day, what am I doing whilst baby is sleeping? What keeps you so busy and knackered?

Trying to prepare myself and DH as he seems to think he'll have time to keep up hobbies at the same pace when the baby is here. This isn't meant to be goady, really haven't the slightest what to expect from a tiny baby!

Ime 0-12 weeks will lull you into a false sense of security and you will feel smug and think you have it sussed then everything changes every few weeks for the next few years. Personally I find this book sums it up.

www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/0099265346/ref=oh_aui_search_detailpage?psc=1&tag=mumsnetforum-21&ie=UTF8

I likened it to being hit by a bus, having both legs in plaster, and being told you need to go walk a pack of dogs while blindfolded.

Also met a lady in a coffee shop who told me it was all down to the parents, how laid back they were, as her little girl sat and coloured in, had slept through from being tiny etc. And there was my ds, trying to cause chaos, nearly two and doesn't sleep, always on the go etc. I laughed at her. Saw her recently again with her new second baby and she admitted it was definitely not down to how laid back the parents were

Best advice I got was that aside from everything being a phase, don't be afraid to ask for help, asking for help does not mean you're "failing" it means to need help.

Your DH however is not "helping" he is being a partner and a parent. Don't let him fob you off, you need a break too.

My DH was a complete wanker after DS birth, lucky to still be married type of wanker, when regarding his hobby. It caused a rift for months.

Just make sure your DH isn’t just there for the fun stuff. A quick cuddle before he goes off to play football or whatever or hands the baby back as soon as it starts whinging. Nope. He needs to be there day 1, nappies, bottles (if you’re using them), washing, cooking, supporting you, having baby so you can rest. Whatever it needs. Not swanning off for hobbies whilst you’re left exhausted.

I had days where I would hand the baby over as soon as DH walked through the door.

In my experience I’ve always found the newborn stage very easy compared to age 1-3

Oh dear OP I hope you aren't panicking too much after reading this thread!

In general you will see that all babies are different, but for a lot of people a difficult baby has ended up with easier later years. That has been true for me anyway.

My DS is 17 now so this is remembering back. Feeding took around an hour at a time - but at least then he wasn't crying! For the first few weeks he would only sleep whilst on the move or next to me. I bought a baby sling and had to wear this (and him) for doing any housework - additionally eating my lunch - either wandering around the kitchen eating a sandwich over DS head, or wandering around the street with the pram. And when it rained walking round and round the supermarket just so he would sleep. Then at weekends I remember us going out for the day - I didn't care where we went as long as it was at least 2 hours drive so both DS and I could sleep in the car!

I also recall interminable night feeds - sitting there with the radio on so that I didn't fall asleep and squash him.

BUT much as I found the early weeks difficult and tiring, they don't last that long in terms of a child's life time. My DS started to become easier at around 4 months when starting solids. I actually found toddler and preschool years to be great, fun, times. And teenage years haven't been too bad either.

I think it's hard to put your finger on exactly why it's so bloody difficult and busy. Especially looking back now, through rose tinted glasses and 18 years but it is hard. But wonderful too.

Good luck with your baby OP. It really is a life changing experience

Yes please don't panic reading this! DS was a nightmare baby but since turning one has been a joy and is a relatively easy toddler (very active so physically exhausting but well behaved and sleeps well)

You do spend a lot of time staring at them in wonder and sniffing their gorgeous smelling heads. Wish someone could figure out how to bottle that smell.

I wouldn’t say I was really busy at all. The baby needs constant care but it’s not a busyness like meeting a deadline or working in a busy shop/ hospital etc if that makes sense? It’s just that you have to spend all day and night together (with your partner obv) doing everything for them.

Ignore people who say you don’t be able to go to loo/ drink a hot drink. It’s not really true. You might have odd days like that but it’s not a permemant situation.

I had to feed my prem babies every two hourly 24 hours a day. Its the unexpected with babies...an explosive poo for example can go all over baby, all over clothes, all over bedding and it all needs to be changed and washed.

YYY to 'fog' mentioned by several PPs.

0-3 months 2 hours sleep per night. Couldn't put either of them down.
They were more like awake for 14-16 hours per day

3-6 months the best time. Slept through the night but could still put them down and they didn't move

6-9 months rolled or crawled everywhere.

9 months ds walked. By 10 months when all the books said was the first time babies could walk ds was swinging from the curtains and jumping off the windowsill

I think the problem is that you don't realise how much self directed time you actually need in your life until most of it is taken away from you. If it can't be done sitting with one hand it's going to be tricky. So tea might be ok, if someone makes it for you. Get them to pass you the TV remote at the same time. It helps if you can sleep in short bursts of 10-20 minuted in upright uncomfortable positions.

You won’t believe how long it can take to leave the house. This never changes.

For me personally it's that babies are 'supposed' to sleep 14hours a day but no one told my baby.

Sorry OP, but not all babies sleep!
Mine was prem and really tiny. She needed to be woken for feeds and would fall asleep. So the process was wake baby, strip off vest, tickle etc until she woke up, attempt to feed and then attempt to wind. If she then fell asleep before burping and we put her down the wind would make her sick and she’s wake up sick and crying. Need to change sicky cot etc. Maybe change nappy. Maybe feed again. I barely slept for the first few weeks and I told my dp that I’d ruined my life.
I obviously haven’t ruined my life but nothing can prepare you for first few weeks.

My eldest is now 41! I really don't recall the kind of manic experience that others here outline, she fed, nappy change (terry not disposable), sleep or lie there and amuse herself. The current fad of never putting a baby down seems to lead to clingy, whiny babies, I recall doing a language course during the first four months, she slept out on the classroom balcony. Once there were two of them I started an OU degree, they didn't lack attention but they knew that there was such a thing as Mummy's study-time and they amused themselves.

I was a walking zombie for about 1.5 years after DD was born. It was horrendous, would get 2 hours of broken sleep max during the night and during the ay she just wanted to be with me or on me.

I don't know either OP but judging by the replies it depends entirely on the baby.

Apart from being sleep deprived I still managed to eat 3 meals a day, have lots of tea, have a shower, brush my hair, take the dog for his daily walk. I even carried on doing housework 🤷🏼‍♀️

I actually found the newborn stage really boring. I would have liked more sleep though!

Babies differ, my first step okaying at night, thank god! But she hardly slept at all in the day, from a few days old. She was a slow, windy breastfeeder who posseted a lot. She might doze for 10 minutes after each feed and that was it, until late at night. We couldn’t believe it. She was too littl
Newborns shit a lot and it often goes up their backs.

You're always busy with a newborn as even when they're asleep during the day, there's no "off switch". You'll want to keep checking them, then they wake up and need a change and feed. If they have feeding problems such as reflux then you never get a break, but it doesn't last forever.
There's time for hot drinks though, they were what kept me going in the sleep deprived early days. During night feeds too I would make a cup of tea.

My elder child is 39 but I remember being absolutely exhausted! There is no way I could have done a course during her first four months! Feeding took forever and then began again. Terry nappies to wash. Crying in the evening... and looking out of the window in the early hours of the morning to see who else had a light on and was not abed. I tried to get washed and dressed before her day started, or I could well have been in my pjs when daddy got home.
It does get better!

• posted too soon.

They are too little to be entertained by batting twirly toys or anything remote. Mine didn’t cry (except for a spell in the evenings) as long as you were holding her either over your shoulder or held “stood” on your lap. She wasn’t one for being held laid down in the classic cradled baby position. I really struggled to have a bath.

It definitely depends on your baby. My DD was a great sleeper from birth, was happy to be put down and I never felt that I was just feeding, changing etc.
I made sure I went out every day for a walk, did the housework, prepared dinner and watched a lot of TV! She’s 15 months now and it’s harder as she climbs everywhere!
Personally though I found the newborn stage easy and didn’t struggle for time to do anything I needed to

Also, while they're asleep that's when you need to be washing and sterilising their bottles, putting on a wash etc.