To think you have no idea how hard it is being a parent until you become one

[curlywurly4857483]

Just that really I know for some people this won't be the case. But most new mothers I know well enough to speak to about it have agreed it was a complete shock how hard it actually is. I often think people get accused of scare mongering when they try to warn expectant mothers. I probably thought this abit myself before I had DD.
Have to add I love my DD more than anything. I'm not saying this because I regret her in any way. But looking back I do feel like I genuinely went into shock when I had her. Afew people told me it is hard but I was completely unprepared for how hard it was especially at the start.

I think all major life changes bring unexpected shocks because it is impossible to fully prepare for the unknown.

Everyone says how hard it is though. There are so many memes, articles, books and threads on here about how hard parenting is. People just don't believe it.

It’s the same with anything really. You can empathise and imagine how it could be but until you’ve been in the thick of it yourself, you’ll never fully understand it.

Just wait until they're teenagers. Then its really hard

Everyone dies say how hard it is, but I always thought it was hard because of the work involved, how dependent they are etc etc.

I never realised how shocked I’d be by my own emotions though. Suddenly the world was this terrifying, terrible place full of dangers and darkness and I had this unbelievably, unbearably precious being to protect from all of it.

I had to stop listening to the news. I couldn’t bear to hear of unhappiness because that was someone else’s child being caught up in that war/terrorist incident/famine.

I read an article which described the love of a parent for their new baby as a “whisper away from grief” and I think that captures it so well.
That was what floored me. The overwhelming, consuming love and sorrow all wrapped up together.

And then of course the absolutely knackering relentlessness of feeding, waking, settling, and being constantly, instantly interruptible to jump to their side from whatever I was briefly trying to do (eat/per/shower/stick a wash on etc etc).

Yeah, you can’t be told. You just couldn’t possibly get it before hand.

Does not dies, pee not per!

The biggest shock for me was having this little being with a mind of its own, and no ability to compromise on what it wanted.

Having previously existed in a largely-harmonious couple (as many hopefully do pre-parenthood) the arrival of a free-willed baby who didn’t give a flying fuck what I/we wanted (sleep, to go to the toilet alone) was a major major shock and nothing anyone told me could have prepared me for that.

Even now, several years on (DC2 is 7yo) the DCs are almost completely self-centred and switching from “me” to “them” as the centre of your universe, no matter how much you love them, is fucking hard.

It was a shock for me. But I'll be honest people warned me and I didn't listen. So now I don't waste my breath telling expectant parents anything. They don't want to hear it.

I totally agree. My dsis has just had her first baby and is finding it totally overwhelming. I'm trying to help her the best as I can but I find it frustrating that she used to and still does tell people that she practically helped raise my ds1 (I was 17 when he was born and we lived in the same house for a few years after that. She was 14 and apart from the very odd occasion of baby sitting did absolutely in no way help raise him. He's 11 now).

I know having someone so helpless be so dependent on you comes as a massive shock and I sympathise but I do think agree we are told but many do not listen.

Yanbu

Bigger I'm dreading it. 10's bad enough.

Totally correct!

So many people warned me that I thought it really would be hard, then I found it wasn't, really

What I've struggled with in a way isn't so much DDs dependence on me but my dependence on other people. My husband has had to take over cooking and housework, we've had to ask for help from in laws and at the risk of sounding ungrateful I have really hated it. I miss being able to cook for myself, weed the garden, sort out my own laundry as crazy as it sounds.

Nobody warned me and it was a shock. I think I was a bit arrogant and living in a world of my own until I had a child.

I found it really easy except for the anxiety.

I agree that people do tell you, but you can't fully take it in because no one telling you can substitute for the actual experience. I fully expected to be very tired - everyone knows that parents of newborns are tired - but I've never experienced the sort of tiredness that comes from not sleeping more than two hours in a row for two months before, so I didn't know what a different order of magnitude this tiredness would be.

I think I've found it more difficult since dd2 was born. There is always somebody wanting something from you or crying. I love them dearly but it is exhausting!

I always thought I wanted 2 but I'm having real doubts as I don't see how I could split myself between two little people who need me constantly.

It's unbelievably hard to have a new baby.

I have an almost-16 year old and he's hard, but nowhere near as difficult as a newborn.

With hindsight, I don't know how I survived the baby years!

I found it really easy except for the anxiety.

This is also why no one can warn you - because we're all different so you don't know what you'll get. My baby is still tiny so it might all change, but while I've found it physically hard - exhaustion, finding breastfeeding literally draining, some issues with recovery from birth - my mental health has never been better. I had such an anxious pregnancy that him getting here safely felt like the most enormous weight was lifted, and I've also found that I care so much less about some of the things that have caused me chronic anxiety throughout my life.

On reflection I think what's most hard about those early weeks is that suddenly you can't just do the simple things you used to. Fancy peeling some spuds, you'll be wanting both your hands for that task.

People often think they can do things better than other people, especially other people are visibly struggling.

In reality, everyone is just trying their best, and there is no one right way of doing things, or avoiding the hard/difficult times.

As a medic, people often say things to me like ‘I could be a doctor, I can google!’ Or similar. I give a wry smile, and think of the horrific hard times I’ve had at work, smile and nod.

Sadly, I was arrogant enough before having children to think that having a demanding job would mean having a baby would be a doddle.... talk about a shock to the system 🤦‍♀️

Bollocks.

If you think you are so special that you’ll be different and find it a piece of cake, despite everyone telling you otherwise.... you were deluded!

One was a shock to the system but two well that was mind blowing. I am pretty much accompanied on every single thing I do and I'm no longer an autonomous being...Wouldn't change a thing but was totally not mentally prepared.