To think you have no idea how hard it is being a parent until you become one

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Just that really I know for some people this won't be the case. But most new mothers I know well enough to speak to about it have agreed it was a complete shock how hard it actually is. I often think people get accused of scare mongering when they try to warn expectant mothers. I probably thought this abit myself before I had DD.
Have to add I love my DD more than anything. I'm not saying this because I regret her in any way. But looking back I do feel like I genuinely went into shock when I had her. Afew people told me it is hard but I was completely unprepared for how hard it was especially at the start.

For me, i found the first year or so pretty easy. DS slept pretty well, walked early and was generally fairly happy. I've found it much harder having a toddler (he's now 2.5). Not physically, although that is hard having to make sure he doesn't break himself/anything else all the time, but in terms of responsibility. I remember very clearly the day it hit me that I was responsible for raising a happy, health, well-educated, polite person, not just keeping them alive as before! That's the bit that gets me.
Now I'm pregnant with number 2 and am praying it's as easy a baby as number 1!

Does anyone else get slightly annoyed by comments from friends who don't have children? Sometimes I find it's an us and them world, the people that don't have children and the ones who do. I find myself secretly thinking with some of my friends 'hmm I cannot wait until you have children'

@APocketfulOfStars sorry to say this, but we had an incredibly easy first baby, and so got carried away and had a second 18 months later...that was not easy in the slightest and the first year was chaos. Second was a much harder baby anyway due to having really bad reflux, however it was mainly the having to juggle two so young that got me!

So sorry Travelled. I agree a good partner can make a world of difference too.

YANBU. I had no clue. None. The difference between being tired and being exhausted was a complete shock. That the baby could choose not to bf, irrespective of what you had planned, was another thing that came out of nowhere. I’ve still not come to terms with trying to live with the worry and I’ve been at it nearly a decade now. I hadn’t thought past the birth, to be honest. I had assumed that once we both made it through that alive and healthy, I wouldn’t need to worry any more. How wrong I was. Christ. And I wouldn’t have listened if you’d told me, either.

Light of my lives, they are

For me, the first 4 months were the worst: my baby screamed nearly all the time including when being bathed, dressed, in the car and having her nappy changed. I breastfed on demand day and night and was shattered. She would even cry when being cuddled :( It seemed to be a combination of having colic, reflux and generally disliking everything!

She gradually adjusted to the world and I find the toddler stage so much more fun and interesting in comparison to those early months.

kettle Noooooo! Don't tell me that! I know it can go either way but i'm keeping my head in the sand Maybe I can just change the OP's question to AIBU to think that you have no idea how hard being a parent of 2 is until you are one! Also, there will be 2,9 years between them, which will hopefully make a difference in that DS will understand a bit more..... hopefully.

Oh, and career shot to shit. But that’s another thread.

Revelation! Isnt it,? Nothing can adequately prepare you. Good luck.

I’m finding the teenage years hard in a different way to the baby/toddler years. At least you have some freedom back to compensate!

Everyone finds different parts of it hard as well. For example, when our babies were 3 months old, someone in my mother's group was crying about how her social life was ruined - she had only been out with friends a couple of times since her baby was born. I don't have many friends, so that's more than I've ever been invited out, even before I was pregnant. She was that upset about something that is my normal life!

I don't think it's hard. Unless you think life should be an endless succession of you being able to do exactly what you want.

Yes there are extreme emotional highs and lows but I am sure women without children have the same.

Teenagers are harder than babies.

Unless you have an ill child or a child with SEN. that must be fucking hard.

Does anyone else get slightly annoyed by comments from friends who don't have children? Sometimes I find it's an us and them world, the people that don't have children and the ones who do. I find myself secretly thinking with some of my friends 'hmm I cannot wait until you have children'

Goes both ways. “You don’t know what real love is until you’ve had a child” is very hurtful to those who can’t have kids.

It's actually seeing people get older without kids and getting ill, just like those of us with kids, that makes me realise life isn't any easier without dcs really.

I think if you have a supportive dh and a bit of nice helpful family or friends then there's nothing you can't get through with kids.

@SerenDippitty yes that is a very hurtful comment and not one I'd ever make! Of course it's still possible to feel what true love is anyway. Though I think a love of a child comes with an awful lot more anxiety.

I had an inkling because I did a lot with my niece and nephew but was always knackered afterwards. Maternity leave was lovely once the first few weeks of sleepless nights finished. The bit I wasn’t prepared for was the juggling once I went back to work, the feeling of doing both badly and feeling helpless. My tiredness now is worse than ever because I’m pregnant. I’m a bit scared of what life with 2 will mean as I’m just about managing with 1 and having some time to myself.

@APocketfulOfStars like you said, you have a bigger age gap so that should help...and you'll probably have a totally chilled second baby just like your first :). Really bad reflux caused all sort of issues for us for the first 8 months 😩.

When people say 'no one tells you how hard it is' I wonder what flippin planet they have been on! Everyone tells you, all the time! Because of that I put off having children for a long time because I thought it would be awful.

What I was actually unprepared for was the good bits! Those bits are much more difficult to understand before you have them because they're more abstract. You can imagine relentless feeding, crying, poonamis, vomit, but you can't really imagine how much you'll love them or how you'll feel when they learn something new etc.

To all those saying 'baby is harder' or 'teenager is harder'...surely it's totally dependent on the individual child? Some children are perfect teenagers, some are easy babies, some hard etc.

I am so sorry for your loss travelledtheworld.

I knew it would be very hard but was unprepared for my own emotions and the postpartum depression and anxiety. The latter antenatal as well as post. I wasnt prepared for the sleep deprivation either. My son slept very little for 18 months and i am amazed how dh and i still functioned.

Neither was i prepared for how hard breastfeeding would be. I knew it would be hard but not how hard nor the obsession i would have to maintain it (OCD).

Ironically, i know a couple of friends who had babies after me and have said to me that they didn't appreciate then how hard it was either when i spoke about pregnancy and breastfeeding and sleep deprivation.

I was never that shocked or found it that hard in dealing with a baby, DD is now nearly 10, emotionally sometimes , it's scary loving another person unconditionally that much.

I was a young parent though (teens) and not a particularly independent one at that, so when I had my daughter I didn't have all this independence to lose, now I'm pregnant again and 10 years older , I moved out of the family home when she was 2, she went to school and I gained the adult independence I never had, routine and structure and a house to manage that I never had when my daughter was born and now I'm terrified about how I will cope with a baby again

@SerenDippitty yes that is a very hurtful comment and not one I'd ever make! Of course it's still possible to feel what true love is anyway. Though I think a love of a child comes with an awful lot more anxiety.

I’m sure it does, someone told me it’s like having a worry chip inserted that you can never remove or switch off. I admire people bringing up children, th8nk aI’d have struggled to be honest.

Tiptoe the sense of freedom when the youngest goes to school is amazing! I'm lucky that they're away until tomorrow, I can do what I want pretty much all day!

Well put RedLemonade the world seems a much worse place now I'm a Mum.

I'm so sorry for your loss @Travelledtheworld I'm glad that your DP does his share too.

I was at a wedding this weekend and after a convo about the realities of parenting a man total fucking moron said "I can't wait to knock up Anna, send her back off to work and be a SAHD, it'll be so easy!"

Oh how I laughed. And laughed. And laughed.

And felt sorry for Anna for being with such a douchebag of a man.