To think I can work from home with a 1yo

[Pollypanda]

I am currently on maternity leave, returning to work in November when DS will be 1. Work have allowed me to work from home 1 day a week to help alleviate nursery costs which I’m grateful for. However, general consensus amongst family and friends is that I’m mad to think I’ll get any work done whilst trying to look after DS.

I am office based, managing a small team without much direct client contact. Most of my communication in done via email due to the nature of my industry. So I won’t be juggling client calls, meetings, etc. Any calls I do get will be from my team.

AIBU to think I can do this no problem?

I think your just naive... assuming baby isn’t even here yet- it will be quite a year. Lots to learn - it will be fab but your perspective will change a lot.

Just to warn you, my dc1 stopped napping in the day at 2, dc2 at 18 months.

What works with a baby probably won't work with a toddler.

You'll end up with CBeebies on all day and a bored child.

I'd ask the nursery for the morning- they might be able to fit you in if they get a space later on.

Babies are relatively easy to look after and do other stuff, toddlers aren't. Don't make a plan that only works for the first 4 months back.

YABU and I think your boss would soon put a stop to it if they found out. Working from home is just that - working. Not working and watching a toddler, cleaning up their mess, sorting out their lunch/naps etc. How are you going to get anything done with a hyperactive, mobile, inquisitive toddler running around?

My DH gets home from work at 4. It is a set day of the week. Gosh I really am drop feeding!

Incidentally my DH’s employer also offered him an afternoon at home to help ease childcare costs. Perhaps the attitudes of our employers have killed me into the false sense of security that this is a normal set up.

I think you need to put him in one day a week with a child minder. I can't see how you'd get any work done. Wfh is exactly that, it's not minding your kid watching cbeebies while typing out a few emails.

Yes they’re aware I have a child, obviously.

Are they aware you're going to be looking after your child while working from home, though? Rather than asking on here, you need to be asking your employer whether they are happy for you to do this.

No way would I have been able to do this. I think you are insane/naive to contemplate it.

I tried to do a bit of work yesterday on the laptop. Put the Tv on for my sons who are 7 and 4......I was still interrupted a billion times, and what should have taken 30 mins took about an hour and a half.

With a 1 year old.........not a chance in hell.

Okay, so your boss is happy with it - presumably only if you can get the work done, though?

So how are you going to get six hours of work done a day in that time period? What if your toddler is sick and won't do anything without being velcroed onto you? If you're working, who's going to entertain him? Put him down for naps? Feed him? Bathe him? Take him outside for play and stimulation?

I’d say it will be impossible. I work from home 1 day a week and although my children are around in the holidays as the youngest is 9 it’s still hard. My work is flexible and I tend to try to do 7-3 and not take a lunch break but I’m still interrupted every 10 minutes with - what’s for lunch, I can’t find. My shoes, he said I’m a (insert offensive word). I couldn’t have done it with a baby. The only way it might work is if you do a couple of hours before your partner leaves, a couple of hours during naps and the rest after bed time. Not ideal

I wfh (for myself) around DS, who is 2.5. I couldn't do it without childcare. My work is exclusively at a laptop with little or no phone or Skype interactions and I can do it whenever I want to, but even with that, it's just impossible to concentrate. DS will only be distracted by the tv or iPad for a limited amount of time, then he gets into mischief- and he's a pretty easy, laidback, self entertaining child!

I work during nap time, he does preschool one morning a week, and goes to a cm one afternoon a week, plus I get some ad hoc grandparent help if I'm really up against it. But I just couldn't properly concentrate with DS there if I were to be in sole charge - it's something I'd only try in a dire emergency.

November isn't too far away. Why don't you just try it for a day or two now (not working if you don't have to but sitting on your laptop sorting stuff out etc). I had an easy baby but she always wants company when playing by herself and a laptop is like a magnet to her - always wants to be pulling the plug out or banging the keys. You can't make any phone calls even internally as looks so unprofessional. I could only do work when she was asleep (which if she was ill wouldn't be when expected) or maybe meal times while she was occupied at her high chair. If you can do it at nap times and once your partner is home and once baby is in bed you might be OK

I "work" one day a week from home with my 22 month old (started when he was 10 months), the reality of it is, that I do about an hour or 2 in the day, feel guilty the entire time (unless he is napping) and make up the other 6-7 hours over the weekend/evenings. It actually sucks but financially, I have to suck it up.
My boss knows that I don't do the hours in the allocated day and is happy, as long as I make the time up but I am constantly feeling guilty about work and worrying about making the time up and it means every spare minute I get to myself is working, which is crap.
If you can afford not to do it, I wouldn't.

Well, sounds like your employer has been a tad naive if they’ve really agreed to you working while looking after a toddler!

It sounds a little like you’re just wanting us all to agree that you can do it (even though you’ve posted here suggesting you do know deep down it’s a ridiculous idea)

As I said, get a babysitter for say, 3 hours on days that you’ll work from home. I would say 3 hours is about the maximum you can realistically do during sleep time. Bear in mind some children drop day time naps very early (just over one in my dd case.) Even if you’re on minimum wage, you’ll be earning for 6 and paying for 3 hours. Perfectly doable. Surely you’re prepared to pay that to know your child is getting the attention they deserve?

I know you keep saying you can do everything by email and don’t need to do calls, but you’re missing the point. Just because you can write an email with a toddler clinging round your legs and burbling away doesn’t mean you should be doing this on a regular basis. It’s just not fair to the child. Your mind will be on work. It’s also really difficult to avoid any work feeling really fragmented if you’re constantly dipping in and out. Just sort childcare. You’re still getting the benefit of WFH because you’ll have no commute and just a few hours babysitting costs rather than a full day at nursery

As a manager in a large corporate company, I wouldn't allow WFH if I knew the employee was going to be the sole carer of an under-5

It may seem a bit draconian, but we know from experience that productivity when caring for children is not at an acceptable level.

Now if your employer is happy for you to do this, then that's fine - but I wonder would they extend this long-term

No it's not possible, trust me. Get a childminder

Well if your husband gets home at 4 he can take over with the baby and you can work 4.5 hours until 8.30, leaving only 1.5 hours to find during nap times in the day.

Otherwise I agree - you'll never do it. I wouldn't be able to do 6 hours work in a day with a puppy at home never mind a baby/toddler!

Someone I managed once tried to do this. She said she had childcare when she was wfh but in reality her arrangements were always breaking down or non-existent. She thought it was fine if she did the hours she was supposed to do from 10pm-1am. I had to threaten her with a disciplinary in the end and point to our policy which said that flexible working is great but we need staff to be available (ie, picking up the phone when called, or answering emails in a timely manner) between the core hours of 10am and 3pm. It was just unworkable otherwise.

I have worked from home for the last 7 years, DC are now 14 & 12.

It’d be nigh on impossible to do any meaningful concentrated work whilst looking after a 1 yo.

YABU.

I'm a manager who looks after a team which is based remotely. I am very clear when interviewing candidates that working from home still means working! If you are being paid for a full day's work then how are you proposing to put 7 hours in if you are also looking after your child? If the phone rings and your child is in the middle of a tantrum, are you seriously going to answer it - or is it more likely that you'd ignore the call to deal with your child? In which case you're not doing the job you are being paid for.

Getting a bit of life admin in between work tasks - answering the door for deliveries, breaking off to chat to the plumber - is fine. But childcare is a full time job; there is no way you can do a full day's work and look after a young child.

Ok. In that case I would say if it’s your only option....

• try and get GPs to babysit as often as they can even if just for the morning of that one day a week
• get your DH on board with being handed the baby when he gets in at 4pm on that day (and being responsible to cook dinner etc)
• be prepared to work in the evening. It sounds like your job is very flexible so I’m assuming this would work

So you could do:
6-7am before toddler is up / before DH leaves for work if that fits with your timings
A few emails in the morning
Hopefully 2 hours during afternoon nap
4-8pm when your DH gets home (I would get him to do bath and bedtime etc too)

That’s on days when GPs can’t have your toddler (but is also assuming your toddler will nap).

I think you need to face facts your family and friends think it is impossible and you have a clean sweep of YABU. Over 4 pages of comments and not one person has suggested it is possible without getting outside help, stretching yourself to the limit and impacting on your work. I truly think you need to admit to yourself it is not going to work no matter how much you need it to.

If your employers are suggesting this, then I think it means that they probably understand that you won’t get a full days work but just value your availability on those days.

I think you need to talk about expectations.

I am not at all looking for everyone to be in agreement that I can do it. I know MN isn’t an echochamber for my own opinions hence why I put the question out there. But presented with the option I couldn’t turn it down, and as both our employers have seemed so open to WFH knowing it would double as childcare I was genuinely surprised by the reaction of friends who - like most on here! - thought it would never work.

I am grateful for the constructive feedback and it has certainly opened my eyes to how tough it might be.

At the end of the day I am a first time mum trying to make things work for my family. If I WFH and it all goes tits up I will put DS in nursery that day and lesson learned. Thanks all.

I wfh for myself and have a nearly 1 year old who isn’t in childcare. I work when she naps (9-10.30 and 2-2.30/3, for now), and then in the evening and on the weekend. DH usually has her for an hour before work so I could in theory work then too. I went back to work when she was a week old, am very steadfastly committed to combining working with staying at home, work is fully flexible. The above is the most I can do. Just another perspective.

If you did an extra hour in the office on the other 4 days, then fit in 4 hours on your WFH day it might be doable. Those 4 hours might not be in core office hours though! I would find that really stressful not knowing if I could get my work done...