WIBU to bin off this holiday early?

[Ivygarden]

For the last few years, me and my DS (4) and DD (2) have holidayed with my DM and DSis and my DNep (6). Every year I vow not to do it again but the children love it so here we are (on a self catering holiday by the seaside).
Basically, every year my sister adopts the role of mother hen and always takes it upon herself to do the washing, tidying, organising (and being a total martyr about it!). My DM and DSis and nephew always travel together in one car throughout the week, including long journey here and back home again. Because of this, DM and DSis are quite often together, making arrangements etc that I’m not aware of (I’m always on the back foot and anything I suggest is instantly dismissed as they have already discussed the itinary etc). My DD (2) is ridiculously clingy to me. My son and nephew are usually playing together and, as I have my daughter permanently glued to me, my sister usually tends to watch the boys (ie puts them to bed whilst I put my daughter to bed). Although this is helpful, it is not necessarily what I would want as I would like to do more with my DS, but again, she takes it upon herself (in her martyr-like way).

Fast forward to now...I just overheard them slagging me off in the garden implying that I’m lazy and saying things like, “oh perhaps she’s actually looking after her own kids for once”, “good job she doesn’t have more than two”, “she might even be doing her own washing etc”.

Honestly, I just feel like going home. My DS has turned into a dick since arriving as he copies my nephew. I’m the bad guy, always reprimanding my son as I know he wouldn’t be so silly at home but my sister then says, “oh isn’t she boring?” to the children and I hear her threatening to tell me when the boys are misbehaving (God forbid).

My DM pays for the house every year. They are already discussing next year’s holiday (I do not want to go). I also don’t want to say that I over heard them and cause a confrontation but I now feel like going home (but shame for the children - this will be their only holiday). I will certainly make sure I’ve turned the washing machine on / unloaded the dishwasher first. What shall I do? Feel utterly miserable.

Oh god this sounds exactly like my Mum, sister and even dad! Definitely confront them! I'd be telling them to get to fuck too

a short sharp GTF.. would suffice these scum bags as you leave with your DH

I'd spend this time now packing and inform them that you are leaving with your DH as you are sick of their attitude towards you, you are not lazy and them jumping in first them slagging you off when you didn't even have chance is not them doing everything and you doing nothing. Then walk out.

That's one clean holiday house!

I'm petty. I'd set a trap for them and use it as evidence upon confrontation

Your mum and sister have now involved your dad. You don't have to be involved in all of this, screw them. Take your family home and make alternative plans. Tell your mother you are disappointed in her, and you will never agree to go to that house again. They should have the holiday you seem to be preventing them from having (imo it'll be pretty miserable).

Don't stay and make a martyr of yourself.
Leave and you will remember in 6 months not to go again.
Your children see this going on. You are teaching them that it is ok to be treated like this.

As previous pp said, I’d also probs be a bit pa and say ‘I’m leaving now so you can have the enjoyable holiday I’m obviously preventing you from having, and will make sure not to come next year so you don’t have to worry about my ‘laziness’ ruining any more of your future holidays.’ Use it as your chance to get out of future trips now, before they start planning them.

Family hols with adult Dc & combined off-spring are a deffo a No No for us. Friends too. Lost 2 sets of friends after hols. Faults on both sides tho.

Also OP, I don't know if you're anything like me in the combined frenzy of my mum & younger sis, who were joined at the hip and gave of signals of exclusion towards me. But they just demotivated me. I seemed to lose my mojo and shut down. It took me years to realise this. My mum is dead now, and I can't or seem to want contact with sis. All water under the bridge. There's nothing there now.

Reading with interest as have experienced similar with ILs. I am NOT doing that again.

You won't change their minds about you: if you stay, you're the lazy one. If you leave, you're the spoilt, stroppy one. Sod bending over backwards to try to please them - their minds are already made up, so do what YOU need to do for your own sanity.

Can you get a premier inn for the last couple of nights for you and the kids? You can enjoy the last couple of days drama and bitchfest free.

I wouldn’t bother confronting them - it’s not going to get you anywhere.

Just pack up and leave the manipulative bitches to it

Go home with DH, telling them as you leave that you can’t do right for doing wrong, and you’re sick of it.

Just leave. They really really don't get how unfair and cruel they're being. They're unlikely to get it anytime soon. Leave and then refuse any more offers of holiday. I'd be tempted to limit contact too

OP - Your posts have brought back painful memories of a similarly awful holiday with my late DF and his 2nd wife when our kids were tiny. Go home. There’s no shame in refusing to be the family whipping post. If it helps you to overcome your socialisation & desire for family harmony, focus on how leaving now is modelling assertivess & strong boundaries for your kids - positive role modelling. What a bunch of bastards! They don’t deserve you.

Don't confront them. It will lead to an argument in front of the dcs. Do leave tonight with your dh.

But if you leave they will accuse you of being a drama queen and everything being about you - and so on.
I'd stick with it for the rest of the holiday but not go again.
You will only feed the fire if they think you have stormed out.

OP, I thought you were going to do something fun?! It seems that your "holiday" is a cycle of chores!
Really hope you went out this afternoon and did something with your own partner and children. If it isn't fun, go home. It's no holiday to sit around another house cleaning and washing. That's aside from all the family dynamics!!
If you were near me, I'd be knocking at the door in the morning to ask you out to play!!

They sound toxic.I’d confront them then get the hell out of there.

I don’t understand why there is daily, or in fact any, washing to be done on a week’s holiday?
Your mum and sister are nasty and cowardly.

I think the best way to approach it is to see out this week if you can bear to, then book your own holiday with your DH for next year before they book for next year. Tell them that as your DD will be older, you want to give your kids a chance to holiday together in future and build their sibling relationship.

Go home Op. They all sound awful.

You were up before six am washing, loading dishwashers and cleaning?????????

You are supposed to be on holiday OP!!

Jesus wept. I bet they didn't even acknowledge your efforts, but were quick to slag you off to your df.
Thank goodness your dh is there, hopefully he will have the sense to pack up and take you home. This not a holiday, it is an assault course that is designed to flatten you whilst they take the glory.

You will not win, you never will with these toxic people. Gather your dignity and your well behaved dc and get them in the car far away from your horrible toxic family. Your dd is clinging to you because she senses the hostile atmosphere kids (and dogs) are very good at it.

Get the hell out. We will all be cheering for you as you head home to a comfy bed and a lie in tomorrow! No washing and no stacking the dishwasher at 6am !!!!

it sounds like the worst holiday ever. Maybe next year they could take your ds if they are only really interested in him

They only want you there as the scapegoat they can play competitive martyr Olympics against. Just go home with your DH. If he's always telling you I told you so, perhaps it's time you listened to what he is trying to tell you.
You will never win no matter what game you play them at. The only thing you can do is refuse to waste anymore of your energy on the whole toxic dynamic and walk away. At least then you won't have to hear them bad mouthing you (which they will do no matter which course you take).

Just leave....it sounds shit and stressful.

Am I the only one confused about why there is so much washing on holiday? We go away for a week or ten days and I've never done laundry on holiday, it gets done when we get back home.

Did u leave op

I did laundry on our recent holiday cause it was so hot & sunny it dried a lot quicker there. Also meant I could recycle a new dress which proved ideal for the heat. Didn’t iron any of the kids or DH’s clean stuff though.