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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel sick with guilt and shame that I cause my ds injury

118 replies

BirthdayBlueBo · 27/08/2018 15:26

I won’t go into specific details in case I become daily fail fodder.
A week ago I stupidly misjudged how slippy a fall was and caused my toddler to fall and it slashed his head open.
I feel sick - he’s fine in himself and although the hosp did a great job and managed to glue it - will still be a huge scar across his head.
I feel so sad that his beautiful face is forever changed due to my stupidity.
Everyone keeps telling me to pull myself together but every time I look st my boy I feel guilty

OP posts:
Original poster
BirthdayBlueBo · 27/08/2018 15:26

The floor not fall

OP posts:
Original poster
BirthdayBlueBo · 27/08/2018 15:27

And title caused not cause

OP posts:
MatildaTheCat · 27/08/2018 15:31

Look it’s upsetting for sure but it can’t have been that huge or glue wouldn’t have been sufficient. Parenting is. HUGE learning curve and overprotective parents are doing their dc no favours either.

My SIL was crying about her child’s chicken pox scars on the day Grenfell burned- I had a sharp word with her about that. Her scars are practically non existent now.

So you’ve suffered enough now; move on and welcome to the dangerous world of owning a toddler. Smile

PenApple · 27/08/2018 15:31

Everyones done it, or similar. I think parenting is 85% feeling guilty anyway Grin

I don’t know what the hell I was thinking but when dd was about 3 I was swinging her by her arms, while walking down stairs Hmm - of course I toppled forward as was off balance and we both ended up in a heap on the floor. She was hysterical but no obvious injuries. That was 6 years ago and I still feel sick when I think about it.

fourpawswhite · 27/08/2018 15:32

I feel really sorry for you OP, I've noticed you have had a few threads about this fall.

Unfortunately, from what I've seen, that's what it was, just one of those things, a fall.

I fell down a small flight of stairs at three years old with a baby sitter and split my chin open. I still have a small scar in a certain light but my mum still feels guilty that she wasn't there. So what I'm trying to say is it could have happened with or without you, there or somewhere else and nothing can change that.

They are just little and it will fade. He will always be your beautiful baby no matter what. He is fine, you will be fine.

Try and stop beating yourself up about it because it was just an accident. It could have been a car crash or a fall without you and the result the same. Nothing you can do but count those blessings and try and move on. Thanks

Dogatemyhomework666 · 27/08/2018 15:34

Don't blame yourself. Kids have accidents and we blame ourselves...it's part of parenthood.

My sister has a scar on her face where she pulled a broken lamp over onto herself. My mum blamed herself for not just throwing it away but it was sentimental. The scar is not noticeable now unless you know it's there and look closely.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 27/08/2018 15:35

Did you post about this the other week OP? It seems very familiar.

Floralnomad · 27/08/2018 15:36

Seriously you need to put this into perspective , in the great scheme of things this will probably end up being a very minor incident in his life . When my ds was about 2 my mum slammed a car door into his head by accident and he had to go to hospital with concussion , these things happen .

Original poster
BirthdayBlueBo · 27/08/2018 15:38

Last week I did post a couple of threads when it happened as they weren’t sure if they’d need to stitch it until we saw the plastic surgeon last tues so needed a hand hold through that. I have people in real life but they just keep saying I can’t blame myself but I do I feel sick to my stomach with guilt and just keep replaying it over in my mind . Dh thinks I need to go back to where it happened to get some closure but I think it might make it worse.

OP posts:
GreatDuckCookery6211 · 27/08/2018 15:39

It was an accident. How's he doing now OP?

Jezzifishie · 27/08/2018 15:40

My mum bashed my head into a sink when I was 7 (I was resisting having my hair washed and we ended up in a wrestling match) and I smashed my front tooth. She still feels horrendous about it and I'm 32 now! Unfortunately these things happen, it's all part of raising children. We all make mistakes.

Original poster
BirthdayBlueBo · 27/08/2018 15:44

He’s fine in himself thank god and was the day it happened once it had been treated it’s more the trauma I put him through and the sight of the scar itself.

OP posts:
NelleB · 27/08/2018 15:45

A dimilar happened to me as a child. My Mum put a baby grow on me that was too big in the feet, I tumbled over and split my forehead open on the corner of a marble fireplace. I had stitches (in the late 80s) and it was a terrible purple colour after. This also coincides with an awful birthmark I have due to being a forceps baby, think great big triangle in the middle of forehead, so as you can imagine my forhead wasn’t exactly good as a small child. Now as a 30 something, the scar from the fall is hardly visbale, it’s a small silver line. The birthmark is only noticeable if I point it out also.
My poor mum beat herself up about it for years and years, even hid them with a wonderful thick fringe, but at the end of the day things happen and that’s life.
I hope your LO is ok and so are you.

StartingAgain1 · 27/08/2018 15:47

It will fade and probably won't be noticeable by time lo grows up.
All kids have accidents, you feel really guilty at the time but it wasn't your fault.
My lo once got in the way when we was pulling up floorboards and one caught her head, it has left a small scar but it's one of those things.
The other day I had the baby sitting up between my legs on the floor, I didn't think and lifted a leg up and he fell sideways, bumped himself on the floor and cried for ages but was fine. I felt awful!
It wasn't deliberate and you can't blame yourself

Original poster
BirthdayBlueBo · 27/08/2018 15:48

Good to hear about good stories recovery wise.
I have thought about a fringe for ds which Dh pointed out probably wouldn’t be a great option given ds’ head of curls!

OP posts:
InfiniteVariety · 27/08/2018 15:49

Our 3rd DD fell over age 2 on holiday once, slashing her head open and had to have stitches in a tiny rural hospital in Malaysia. I felt terrible that she would be scarred for life but over her childhood it faded & faded & faded.... now she's 23 and there's nothing to see! So don't imagine it will always look the way it does at first. I have found bio oil very effective in helping scars to fade

Missingstreetlife · 27/08/2018 15:51

Poor op, forgive yourself, you will have learned from this, so no need for guilt now

EleanorLavish · 27/08/2018 15:54

OP, genuinely, I think you need to seek some professional help with this. You are obviously a kind and caring brilliant mum, but you are blowing this way out of proportion. So he has a scar, big deal! Nearly everyone has one. Kids hurt themselves, you need to be more resilient.
I'm not trying to pick at you, honestly, but maybe some coping strategies would help as this kind of thing will happen.
One of mine tripped and whacked his head off a chair and literally split his forehead open. It was stitched up, he was fine, we were fine, he has a scar so what? It's part of his life story.
It really shouldn't be this big of a deal after this time has passed, you need to accept and move on.
Sorry if I sound harsh.

retainertrainer · 27/08/2018 15:58

He’ll think his scar is cool no doubt! We all go through life getting mental and physical scrapes it’s just part of living! You didn’t do this to him. My DS split his chin (scooting far too fast down a hill which I could blame myself for but there’s little point!)it looked horrendous when they first glued it but a couple of years down the line it’s barely noticeable.

kaytee87 · 27/08/2018 16:01

My dad dropped a heavy light fitting on my head as a small child and dropped me in the sea and broke my arm.
Now humorous tales with no hard feelings.
You need to move on, you're obsessing and it's not healthy.

sobeyondthehills · 27/08/2018 16:04

When DS was 2, I was cooking something, which meant the oil in the pan had to be really really hot, I threw the mince in and it splattered me, I didn't realise DS had walked into the kitchen, till I heard him screaming and running in panic, I managed to calm him down, but his foot, head and arm had been caught. We rushed him to A&E, as his foot looked awful, they were great. They were considering taking him to a burns unit in London. 4 years later and the only way you can tell is if you look at his foot really carefully, its slightly paler than the rest of him. He doesn't remember, but I still feel a little guilty, I should of been more careful with checking the stairgate was closed although that probably wouldn't of mattered as he would of just climbed over it, but at least I would of heard that

claireblueskies · 27/08/2018 16:06

I'm slightly bothered by a few scars I picked up as an adult because I remember what I looked like before.

However, I've never cared about the little scars I've gained in childhood - I don't recall what I looked like before. They're a part of me, they're normal to me. I have to really think about them to point them out.

Your child won't care. It was an accident and he's too young to remember.

deepsea · 27/08/2018 16:06

Accidents happen. My baby rocked her car seat to and forth and it was moving slowly and I didn't notice and she went down the stairs strapped in. It was HORRENDOUS. Least of all because she didn't even cry when she reached the bottom.

She was fine. Your son will be fine. He does not have any permanent and lasting injuries.

These things happen all of the time every day, despite the fact we do everything within our power to protect and care for our children. We can not control every single thing. So we do our best, we thank god it isn't worse and we keep things in perspective.

ProfYaffle · 27/08/2018 16:13

On a practical note, Dermatix is very good for scars. My dd had a major op last year and her surgeon prescribed this, it's also available over the counter, it's been very effective in reducing the appearance of her scar.

It's normal to torture yourself over these things - doesn't mean it's deserved though. When dd was in hospital I'd go over and over interactions with hcp's, wondering if I'd handled it as well as I could, what should I have said to make things happen sooner etc. Counselling helps.

Saffy60 · 27/08/2018 16:16

An ex of mine had a scar across his forehead, his Mum blamed herself and STILL made him have a fringe which didn't suit him when we met.... I persuaded him to brush his hair back instead and he looked much better, the scar actually added to his looks!!!