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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel sick with guilt and shame that I cause my ds injury

118 replies

BirthdayBlueBo · 27/08/2018 15:26

I won’t go into specific details in case I become daily fail fodder.
A week ago I stupidly misjudged how slippy a fall was and caused my toddler to fall and it slashed his head open.
I feel sick - he’s fine in himself and although the hosp did a great job and managed to glue it - will still be a huge scar across his head.
I feel so sad that his beautiful face is forever changed due to my stupidity.
Everyone keeps telling me to pull myself together but every time I look st my boy I feel guilty

OP posts:
amusedbush · 27/08/2018 16:30

My mum hit me with a TV remote and broke my finger because I'd come home slightly late (after phoning to let her know I would be late!) when I was 12. When I brought it up ten years later and pointed out that she had never apologised she said, "maybe I'm not sorry".

What happened to your little boy was an accident. You have to stop beating yourself up.

Rockhopper81 · 27/08/2018 16:33

If it’s been glued, chances are it’s not going to be that noticeable as he grows up. Plus he will probably think it’s quite cool at some point, even if you don’t! 😊

Accidents happen - I know it feels like it’s your fault at the moment, but it’s really not. Children are remarkably tough little things, given the underlying structure is fragile in so many ways. As you say, he’s fine about it now - time for you to try and move on from it too, lest it consume you.

viques · 27/08/2018 16:36

Birthday blue, you need to let this go. Take a picture of the scar, then make a note in your diary to look at the picture in a years time.

A) you probably won't remember it
B) you very likely won't be able to see the scar unless you look very hard
C) your child will certainly not remember the incident.

bananabreadd · 27/08/2018 16:44

Honestly it will fade! Don't beat yourself up about it. My DSD kept DBro's skateboard in his shed when he was 6 or 7. He thought he'd locked the door but hadn't. DBro climbed up onto the work bench to reach the skateboard and knocked a saw off of the top shelf and it cut through his lip. He was very lucky. And DSD felt awful for months after. But now, you wouldn't even really notice it anymore unless he pointed it out. It's a little lighter than his skin but hardly noticable at all.

hazeyjane · 27/08/2018 17:04

Op, I sympathise.
I haven't slept all week because ds burnt himself really badly last Monday. It was an accident ( a spilt coffee), but ds (who has special needs) keeps saying it is my fault, and the accident was so horrible that it keeps flashing into my mind - along with the hour long wait for the ambulance, and the treatment at the burns unit (we had to transfer hospital) which was agony for him. We have had nurses visiting to change dressings and he will need follow up to minimise scarring. It is horrendous.
I have 3 children, they have all had their fair share of scrapes, breaks and accidents, and ds has been in hospital for procedures, tests, pneumonia and all sorts of frightening and horrible things,, but nothing has shaken me like this.

Original poster
BirthdayBlueBo · 27/08/2018 17:08

hazey I’m so sorry to hear that you’re experiencing this too the horrible replays keep flashing in my mind. Hope your ds is ok and you get some proper sleep soon 💐💐

OP posts:
Original poster
BirthdayBlueBo · 27/08/2018 17:10

Thank you all it does feel a bit all consuming at the moment.
I’m especially dreading the school run as obviously people will ask what happened and I just feel like a completely shit mother. I know logically I didn’t do it deliberately but the stupidity was my fault so I can’t help but blame myself.

OP posts:
GreatDuckCookery6211 · 27/08/2018 17:13

Ok so now you can practise what you're going to say on the school run when asked.

No need to go into huge detail and definitely don't start blaming yourself.

" he fell a few weeks ago, you know what toddlers are like " and then smile and move off away.

Saymaname · 27/08/2018 17:16

Was this the swimming pool one? Mine was my 2yo LO, tripped on to a step by the library. Big hole in her forehead. Awful. And the way I didn’t know what to do after. Then the flying and the scar. She’s 4, scar much improved. Walk past that step a lot. I feel sad and guilty it happened. Things happen eh, hope you feel better.

Duskqueen · 27/08/2018 17:17

My DD has a scare on her forehead from when she was 1, we were at my DD's house and I went to the toilet, leaving 3 adults with her in the front room, my DM, my DF and my DH, she fell over and hit her head on my mum's glass tv stand. I beat myself up about it for a while, until she fell at playgroup on her first day and has a massive lump her head and two black eyes.
Unfortunately these things happen. Try enjoying the fact he is still here, happy and no worse off for it.

Saymaname · 27/08/2018 17:17

Gluing not flying

DiabolicalMess · 27/08/2018 17:25

OP, I say this with sincere kindness, you need to get a grip. Kids get themselves in to all sorts of scrapes, you can't wrap them in cotton wool and helicopter around them, and accidents will happen. We all have our 'mum of the year' stories and our parental guilt. I'm sorry your ds has a scar, it will likely fade but will be part of his 'life story'. You're obviously a great mum as you care so much that this is eating you up! Brush yourself off, learn from it, and carry on, you're doing a great job!!

CSIblonde · 27/08/2018 17:28

OP don't feel bad. E45 cream & Vit E oil are great for scars. When I taught primary & was a Guide Leader there were constant cuts, grazes, falls, swallowing a paperclip, (that was a long A&E one) rounders ball injuries, tree & fence climbing accidents etc. It's just part & parcel of childhood.

DolorestheNewt · 27/08/2018 17:32

Oh, OP, I do feel for you, but let time do its work on both your guilt and your DS's scar. It's awful when you really can't let go of something, but you will feel better about this -- unless you go out of your way to cling on to your guilt, which is not healthy for anyone.

HectorlovesKiki · 27/08/2018 17:35

When my DD was a toddler, she was injured and had a scar right across her forehead & because it went against the grain of the skin, we were total it would be permanent. She is now an adult & you can't even see where the injury was. When he is older, your DS will probably feel a real tough guy &
will probably dine out on stories about how he got this scar. Suggest you relax and think how lucky he was not to have injured his eyes.

mumsastudent · 27/08/2018 17:46

don't worry sign by the time he's 7 you will have a season ticket to a & e & have coffee morning there meeting up with other mums from his class :) we did! scars on head will heal quickly at that stage he wont worry - it will fade into a slightly lighter thin pale mark not at all obvious - you cant protect dc from everything it wouldn't be good for them if you did- - there is a big difference between negligence & accident -

FlipnTwist · 27/08/2018 17:49

unless you did something bonkers like encouraged him to walk on a bowlin lane or run on a wet floor, then I think you should stop blaming yourself. |These things happen and ggilt and shame are not going to heal your ds or do anyone any good

Pengggwn · 27/08/2018 17:57

The fact that you feel this dreadful about a tiny little scar is what shows how much you love him, OP. Accidents happen.

Original poster
BirthdayBlueBo · 27/08/2018 20:46

It’s 2 inches across its long but narrow. If I could just stop the moment replaying in my mind constantly that would be a start I just feel so bad about the whole thing. We were only at the place it happened because of me, I chose the space we ended up in, I was rushing and not being careful enough the buck stops with me. Honestly I feel like I’ll never forgive myself . Obviously it wasn’t deliberate but my actions and stupidity caused his injury :(

OP posts:
Original poster
BirthdayBlueBo · 27/08/2018 21:00

A

OP posts:
Saffy60 · 27/08/2018 21:04

Really - stop worrying, my oldest was accident prone, he pushed boundaries. We were known by our first names in the A and E department. The reason things are called accidents is because we DIDN'T SEE THEM COMING! x

Littlegoth · 27/08/2018 21:05

A friend of mine accidentally dropped his six week old son down the stairs. He had a fractured skull.

10 years on, my friend is still mortified, no lasting results for his boy luckily - except he still tries now and then to use it as leverage (remember that time when you dropped me on my head? Can I stay up late and do/watch/go ... )

Forgive yourself! X

seriouslynonames · 27/08/2018 21:11

Totally understand how you are feeling, how guilty and how you can't stop thinking about it and how you can't face people. I was responsible for my then 5 month old fracturing her skull and it took me a long time to put it behind me. Kind friends shared their experiences of near misses with their children and it helped me to put it in perspective - she was fine, she still is 7 years later, but it still makes my blood run cold and my heart rush when I think of it. They get over it much quicker than the parent does! But no one will blame you and you will get past it soon enough. Hope all ok now x

twoheaped · 27/08/2018 21:18

Honestly, get over it.
It's a rare person who gets to adulthood without the odd scar here and there.

SansiLove · 27/08/2018 21:31

Forgive yourself OP. It happens, and it could always be far worse.

Both of my children had had facial stitches by the time they were 4. Both times due to falls at home. I was gutted both times, but they healed and I forgave myself.

I used a recommended cream for scars called Kelosoft. Brilliant, and worked a treat. No visible scarring to speak of. Please don’t think that your ds is changed forever. The plastic surgeon that treated my dd said that at such a young age the skin is incredibly healing... Honestly, it’s not worth you upsetting yourself further.