To feel sick with guilt and shame that I cause my ds injury

[BirthdayBlueBo]

I won’t go into specific details in case I become daily fail fodder.
A week ago I stupidly misjudged how slippy a fall was and caused my toddler to fall and it slashed his head open.
I feel sick - he’s fine in himself and although the hosp did a great job and managed to glue it - will still be a huge scar across his head.
I feel so sad that his beautiful face is forever changed due to my stupidity.
Everyone keeps telling me to pull myself together but every time I look st my boy I feel guilty

Vital life skills.

Not viral ones. No one needs viral life skills.

If it’s the same by next week I’ll go and see my gp I think. I need to be sorted out as ds is starting nursery in 3 weeks time as I’m starting a job I’ve b

I’ve been a sahm since I was expecting ds

In April my DD fell down 8 concrete stairs outside my flat, hit her head on the wall and had a huge egg shaped bruise for about 3 weeks after it.

I still feel sick thinking of it. One second I had her hand the next she was at the bottom of the stairs.

Accidents happen, you did the right thing taking him to get medical attention. Please don’t beat yourself up about it or you’ll never take him out again

totally agree you may be developing ptsd. See a gp if it isn't naturally resolving very shortly. There are solid treatments for PTSD and unwanted reliving of memories, so don't suffer a moment longer than necessary (which is none!).

Also, its important you don;t let this devalue your opinion of yourself as a parent. Shit happens, accidents happens, misjudgements happen, this is normal parenting - it absolutely is. You aren't a perfect parent - that can be a shock to realise - but neither is anyone else, and we have all had rude awakenings!

Honestly, I'd forget it and let it go. I was thinking of this massive scar the way you were talking, but 2 inches is nothing at that age!! My son managed to cut his head open on a radiator at school, had concussion/loss of consciousness that required an ambulance, and had a 4 inch (give or take) cut glued - he was 11. I was NOT happy, and pointed out it was way bigger than the guidelines for gluing, to no avail.

He's now 17, and the only bit that has scarred was a bit in the middle where the glue didn't work (because they didn't follow guidelines, genuinely), and you could see that right from the start the glue wasn't working, which you haven't mentioned as being the case in your post. It totally doesn't detract from his looks, he wears his hair off it and he actually thinks it is cool and makes him look a bit 'hard'! Goodness knows what story he will make up for the teensy scar he has in later life :-D

And I'm another one whose battle scars have sadly disappeared to nothing.....

My mother was, by her own account, hysterical when I fell out of my high chair and landed on my head.

I just thought it was a great retort when people attempted to insult me by asking if my mother had dropped me on my head. When I said "Yes. And?", they were often more interested in hearing the story than continuing the argument

My DS2 slipped out of the bottom of his pushchair when he was a few months old - I'd been fumbling around trying to disentangle him from a cardie because the day turned suddenly warm, so I'd momentarily unbuckled him. Unfortunately I was also having one of my 'funny turns' (dizziness/light-headedness, happens to me a lot) and although I could hear voices shouting "the baby! The baby is falling" they sounded far away and I moved too slowly to catch him. He landed upright on his bottom and just looked at me like .

I also managed to step on his little hand whilst he decided to crawl instead of walk all of a sudden - he had a graze across his knuckles for a couple of days.

Oh and another one from years ago - I had a washing up mishap at SIL's house and missed a bit of broken glass when sweeping up (it was approx 2mm long) but only realised I'd missed because DS1 was toddling around barefoot so we found out the hard way .

As you can tell OP, I am a much crappier (and infinitely clumsier) mum than you, and my kids are not only alive and well but, by some miracle, still in my care.

I should add that, although none of those things have left permanent scars, the incidents were all caused by me - I was responsible.

I don't recall your previous threads, but you say a plastic surgeon saw your dc last Tuesday. What did the surgeon say about the healing?

I think you need some help to get past this. There will be many bumps and scrapes in the next few years and it's normal.

Well if it makes you feel any better my 8 month old fell off the sofa today. I KNEW she could roll. I must have KNOWN she could roll off the sofa then. So did I put her somewhere safe? NOOOO because I’m a total fucking idiot and had just got back from work, had a load of bags in the car I thought I’d quickly nip back for and....wallop! One thoughtless, careless move and I could have really harmed her (she’s fine). But I am so disgusted and angry with myself. Totally obvious what could happen. Totally preventable. At least you misjudged it. I just didn’t bloody take the time to make a judgement!!
I hope that in some small way that makes you feel better.

My cousin was playing football, fell over and complained about a sore leg. Aunt sent him to school the next day, still painful so took him to see the doctor the day after (2 days after the accident). Cue being sent to the hospital as he's broken a bone and ending up in plaster.

Not the only person I've heard something like that happening to.

Gosh I was with ds when he was 5 riding his bike. 2 wheeled. Straight over the handle bars and used his full face as a brake on the tarmac. I cried, he cried, blood poured (he wore a helmet but that doesn't protect the full face) ambulance came. He was a mess for weeks. But. Its all faded now, you wouldn't even know it happend and he's about to turn 7. The guilt I felt was awful, but now I just think it's one of those things

I don't know if this will work for you, but they say when children have a scare and get a bit fixated on it, it helps retelling the story focusing on the final positive outcome, I.e. He fell, you got really scared, took him to the doctors who said it wasn't serious, fixed the cut and Ds is now happy and back to his old self.
Maybe it would help if you told yourself the story out loud or wrote it down and read it a few times.

Dd2 had just turned 3 and bounced on her bed and fell off and caught her head on the chesr of drawers. She had a cut on her forehead just below her hair line which was glued. It's left a scar but it's hardly visable now 2 years on.

Incidentally 18 months after the above incident dd3 did the same bloody thing but ended up with a cut on her eye lid which was also glued but healed with a more visable scar. I look at it every day and feel so guilty.

Accidents happen.

20 m old jumping on the couch I thought I should stop him got distracted he fell off head first onto train track from my eldest spilt head open needed 3 stitches blood everywhere. Accidents happen but it feels horrendous

Horrendous is right. He’s happy I’m trying to focus on that.
Once school run is over with Thursday that will be a big step forward hopefully l went shopping earlier but saw 2 school mums going in just before me and I couldn’t face them asking about ds so I hid in my car until they left- I know that sounds pathetic.
Right I will get thurs over with and see how I feel just when I’ve taken ds out with had comments ‘someone’s been in wars’ etc makes me feel even more guilty.

Not the same but Ds has a scar on his leg from an accident last summer. It's less than half the size it was now. He loves showing it to people. I had huge guilt about letting it happen but also not taking him to a &e. The GPS practice nurse put butterfly stitches on it but it seemed to heal badly and I still think it wouldn't have scarred if it has been stitched properly at a&e

When I was 3, I was stood on a stool at the kitchen sink helping my mum wash up.

I washed and she dried.

I handed her a saucepan that I had washed for her to dry, and then whilst taking the saucepan from me, she somehow managed to rip the top of my index finger off (so it was hanging like a thread) as unbeknown to her, I had caught my finger in the little hole at the top of the handle!! Apparently there was lots of blood, screaming and a trip to A and E for surgery.

If you look closely, forty years on, you can see all the stitches and my finger looks a bit deformed. It's weak as well and I can't use it the way I can my other fingers.

Ive always been incredulous as to how the heck she managed to rip the top of my finger off, (I obviously don't remember a thing) but the other thing that sticks in my mind is the guilt that she must have felt at the time.

My mishaps involving my boys

DS1 Fell down the side of his changing table head first and clanged his head on the radiator
I fell down wooden open plan stairs carrying DS1 and he bounced part of the way down
DS2 went into hospital for reconstructive surgery to his lip. The morning after theatre, on the ward, he managed to eat a messy chocolate mousse. On autopilot, without thinking, I got out a packet of wipes and roughly started to wipe off the mousse off his mouth! Right where they had operated!

These things happen, OP. Don't beat yourself up. Both my boys are healthy strapping lads with barely any scars to show for the mishaps!

PP mentioned having a birth mark because of a forceps delivery. I honestly thought that this would have formed before full term and well before delivery.

My two have had various trips bumps and falls. All probably technically preventable but that's the case with all accidents. Problem is thats not how life works.

Three stand out as ones that I found quite traumatic and caused almost like flashbacks like you describe;

1. Tried to show dh that DS (who wasn't even one yet) could go down a slide so I climbed to the top and sent DS on his merry way. Unfortunately his little shoes stuck to metal slide and he flipped right over and smashed his lip. I became ridiculous at parks after that. Took shoes on and off every time they went down a slide. That really stuck with me for ages.

1. DD rolled the entire way down our staircase when she had just turned one because we hadn't put a stair gate up and got distracted for a second (me and dh were both literally feet from her)

1. Playing a game with DS where I would tell him to get up and get ready for bed but would hold his hand down so he couldn't. We used to do it most nights and he found it hilarious until one night he decided to really jolt up and I felt his elbow pop. He screamed for what felt like hours (was really only a couple of minutes) and I nearly threw up.

If I allowed myself to go over and over these then I could have driven myself mad. You have to try and accept that it was an accident and hat your son is none the worse for it. Don't over think it,try and put it to the back of your mind and if you feel yourself thinking about it again change your thought.

Just checking in as last night the flashbacks were a lot worst I thought it might be getting better but last night I was up from 3-5.30.
Tried doctors but appointments I just want the memory of it jumping into my head, I feel quite panicked

If things don't improve, I genuinely think you may need to speak to a counsellor before this gets out of hand. It's normal to be shaken up, embarrassed, guilty etc about something that you blame yourself for.

However, you really do sound quite consumed by this and you can't let it affect you to the point where you wrap your family in cotton wool and won't do anything due to potential risks.

Focus on the positives:
Your son is well
Your son is happy
Your son has his whole life ahead of him, to have adventures and have fun.

In years to come this will be a funny tale told at parties.

Thank you I was starting to think about the positives but the reactions to ds’ have put me back. Also a couple of friends have pointed out how easily it could have been worse and to count our blessings but that’s made me feel more on edge it was a huge force to his head it could have so easily been a million times worse. I feel nervous taking him up and down stairs now when he’s running around I’m wincing in anticipation of him fallen and hurting himself.
I feel so broken and like an awful mother. I love him so much I feel desperate that I want things to be better.

You need to seek help. This is an overreaction to something that could happen to any parent. We all feel bad when our kids have an accident or we hurt them by mistake but we can't let fear and guilt control us.