To feel sick with guilt and shame that I cause my ds injury

[BirthdayBlueBo]

I won’t go into specific details in case I become daily fail fodder.
A week ago I stupidly misjudged how slippy a fall was and caused my toddler to fall and it slashed his head open.
I feel sick - he’s fine in himself and although the hosp did a great job and managed to glue it - will still be a huge scar across his head.
I feel so sad that his beautiful face is forever changed due to my stupidity.
Everyone keeps telling me to pull myself together but every time I look st my boy I feel guilty

I've been where you are, OP, it gets better I promise.

I hope it will get easier as I feel like a bag of nerves. I did sleep better last night though and feel more together today.

Oh poor you, my little boy was just standing when he was around 7-8 months, we were at Center parcs and they had a socket next to the tv on the wall with an aerial point thing sticking out (for games etc I think)- my little man was just cruising and I literally got up for a few seconds to get something my for older child and he fell and god only knows how but impailed himself by head butting this protrusion - it was just above his nose on his lower forehead - central, looked like he had a target on his head 😭
I was in bits about it, but after about 3-4 months it virtually went except when he was cold etc but soon faded to nothing - try not to worry I'm sure it'll fade

You're not a terrible mother, but you have to get your anxiety under control. If not for yourself, for your son. This was an accident, plain and simple. It's not your fault. I bet there's not one other mother on this thread who would think twice if you told them he slipped and fell. It happens. No one would think to blame you in a million years; it's just how kids are.

My eldest is 7 and we have been to A&E more than I'd like!
Headbutted the corner of our coffee table. My fault, we'd just got in, I'd taken his shoes off and he skidded on the laminate floor.
Fell out of the boot of the car and headbutted a big stone, leaving a large gash. My fault again, was dealing with a non sleeping baby and asked him to wait by the back door for DH. Instead he went running off, climbed in car and fell out.
Then there was the broken arm. He was on play equipment after school. The fact he fell off isn't my fault, but I didn't believe he'd broken it, even though he said he had. He's a drama llama so I ignored a lot of the crying. After all, I couldn't feel anything wrong, I could touch his arm etc etc.
We walked home. By the time we got half way he'd turned grey and almost passed out. I had to call my mum for a lift as there was no way I'd get him home and a nice couple in a nearby house took pity on us and brought us drinks and snacks.
It was indeed broken. I felt awful for not believing him.
Now my 2 seem to injure each other a lot.

OP my toddler was an inch from being killed because I didn't hold his hand for one second near a road. This was a few years ago and I reply it over and over in my head. Time is making me feel better but I also tell myself that the worst didn't happen and I have now learnt from it. I am more aware of potential dangers and that is a good thing. You need to tell yourself the same thing.

You have to see your GP. Your anxiety over what happened is way out of proportion. Way out.

You pulled up his trousers (or something similar) and he toppled/slipped on the wet floor. It was just unfortunate he landed in such a way he split his head open. But even that sounds SO dramatic. If he cut his foot that’s all we’d say. He’s split the skin on his head, it’s ONLY skin. It’s ONLY 2 inches. The surgeons have said the glue is doing it’s job. You’ll barely notice it when he’s older. BUT even if he’d cracked his skull open and had serious scars or a head injury it would STILL have been a toddler slipping on a wet floor. Shit happens. Everyone feels awful & guilty whennit happens, but your guilt/shame/sleeplessness is MASSIVELY over the top. You say you’re known as the over protective one...you need to get this sorted now because otherwise you’re going to fall apart while he’s being a normal toddler/child and doing far worse than this. Plus you are going to make him an anxious, scared child - you don’t want that do you?

Even your DH’s reaction is over the top. You don’t need to go back to where it happened to get closure. It wasn’t a massive RTA or terrorist attack, he slipped on a wet floor! DH should be telling you it was a MINOR accident and to catch a grip...orcsee your Dr. Not encouraging this overreaction to an every day event. Which it is. Hundreds of parents & kids do what you did every day, DS was just unfortunate that his skin broke. SKIN. It’s just skin, it’s healing.

Don’t get me wrong, I feel sorry for how you’re feeling 🌷 we were all very sympathetic to your distress when it happened, but you need to see that it’s well over the top now and you need help. You’re getting yourself into a proper state over a tiny accident. See your GP 💐

Children have accidents all the time, in a way the fact you feel so bad, shows you're a really good Mum. Please don't worry, maybe use bio oil or a cheaper equivalent I'm not sure if arnica works on cuts, but anything to reduce the scarring.

Please treat yourself to some cake or ice cream, you're honestly not a bad Mum.

You could possibly call your GP & see if they have cream to help reduce scarring.

OP I feel for you. These things happen to most of us and it's natural to feel a bit guilty.

My son at age 7 was bitten on the face by a dog. He's now 21 and you really can't see the scar now. Kids' skin often heals really well!

OP I wonder if it would help you to change the language around how you describe this incident to yourself.

Looking at your posts it seems it's being described in quite extreme terms. For example "he smashed his face"; "it was a huge force to his head"; "it could have been a million times worse".

Maybe try different language like "he bumped his head"; "he had a wee accident as many toddlers do"; "thankfully it wasn't worse".

It really wasn't a "huge force to his head". He is a toddler so didn't have far to fall. And it's really hard to imagine how it could have been "a million times worse".

I feel for you, OP - I understand that sick feeling exactly. I accidentally scalded DS earlier this year and he had to go to A&E in an ambulance - total accident but for a good week afterwards I was a wreck! If social services had marched in and said they were taking DS in A&E I would probably have thanked them for saving him from the world's stupidest, shittest parent - that's how awful and stupid I felt. I couldn't post about it on here, I was too ashamed and knew I'd be flamed (in reality I now realise I'd have just got sympathy, it's not like I did it to him on purpose!). DS was fine after being treated promptly and wasn't scarred physically or mentally. I still feel guilty but after a week or so I calmed down and gained some perspective. We all do stupid things and kids will always have daft accidents.

As for scarring - honestly, it will fade so much. DS1 had his chin glued together after he threw up, slipped in it and split his chin open (lucky he didn't break his neck!). You can't see it now - maybe a tiny silvery line if you really squint under a bright light.

What @AnnieAnoniMoose said.
You are way over the top in your reaction. Please seek help from your gp so you don't pass this on to your kids.
It must be awful for you to feel so bad about what happened but it's not normal. I hope you are OK

Hi all it’s op I’ve name changed in last couple days-
Happy to read your responses and say I have been much better last couple of days. It’s healing really well and I’ve been sleeping much better which has made a big difference.
I’ll still beat myself up (as is my nature) but I have got more perspective now and know it was an accident and realise as much as I safeguard I can’t stop every eventuality.
Ds is doing fine and it’s looking better so that’s helping. I think it was a horrible accident and it’s coupled with me returning to work (next week eeeeek!) after being a sahm for years so I’m a stresshead atm but if I feel it’s starting up again I will seek advice.
Thank you all- for a best of vipers you’re a lovely lot

Nest!

This viper wishes you well. I'm glad you're feeling better.

Thanks wolfie 👍

Oh good OP, I'm really pleased to read your update.Take care of yourself and best of luck in returning to work

That’s a good start 🌷

With the best will & care in the world kids have accidents, that’s life 🤷🏻‍♀️ Sometimes we are looking after them and sometimes others are. Every child and every parent has at least one story!

TRY to enjoy the time you still have at home, then TRY to enjoy the working world and being able to go for a wee by yourself! 🤣

I think it's normal to feel guilty about these things. My DS has a massive scar on his head, where he pulled a 'stocking hanger' from a shelf 5 years ago when he was 4. It was a 'James' from Thomas the Tank, with a little hook, designed to go on the fireplace to hang stockings on, and are heavy obviously to bear the weight of a stocking hanging. He got excited, pulled the stocking and the weight cracked him on the nut. He was fine in himself, but years down the line, he still bears the scars.

He also broke his arm when he was just gone two. Partly my fault, as I said 'race ya back to nannas house' when playing, he just landed funny on his arm. I've bore the guilt for that for 7 years too. :(