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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To Not Want Strangers to Join a Small Family Event?

127 replies

MischaPop · 26/08/2018 16:42

One of our Christmas family traditions is to go to a Christmas event at a local attraction. Usually as well as myself there is DP, DS, DM, DF, DMIL and DSis attend (Also sometimes DSis partner) We are looking to book for Christmas 2018 and DM has invited a couple that nobody else has met. I have told her I would rather keep it to family only. DP and DSis agree. I just think two strangers coming along changes the dynamic quite a bit! Would like opinions on whether IBU. DM is not happy that I would prefer her friends didn't join.
(Post edited by MNHQ)

OP posts:
WipsGlitter · 26/08/2018 16:43

What exactly do you do when you're there?

Namechangeforthiscancershit · 26/08/2018 16:43

No I definitely wouldn’t like that

What is your DM thinking?

MissusGeneHunt · 26/08/2018 16:44

Can you all meet beforehand? Perhaps a chilled drink at your local? They might be huge fun.... Then again....

At least it'd give you the chance to see?

sofato5miles · 26/08/2018 16:44

Why has she invited them? Her reasons would colour my response.

Livingoncake · 26/08/2018 16:45

I wouldn’t like it either. She has changed a family tradition without consulting the family! Not sure there’s much to be done though - uninviting them now would be bad manners and cause hurt feelings.

NorthernSpirit · 26/08/2018 16:46

How awrful to open up a Christmas invitation to friends of your mothers, espically when Christmas is a time to welcome people. Your mother is free to invite who she wants. Why would you be so unwelcoming?

Finfintytint · 26/08/2018 16:47

I’m of the “ the more the merrier” opinion. How can it impact on you?

MojoMoon · 26/08/2018 16:48

Maybe they are lonely or recently bereaved? Or something else that means Xmas is hard for them?

In which case, perhaps it would be in the spirit of giving to welcome them on the trip?

Pretty sure that is what Xmas is supposed to be about.

Ohyesiam · 26/08/2018 16:50

Why has she invited them? There’s months between now and Christmas to meet them, then they wouldn’t be strangers.

LusaCole · 26/08/2018 16:51

I tend to agree with you OP. It would be different if she had invited a single person who was going to be spending Christmas alone otherwise, but as they're a couple I assume they'd be together anyway?

Original poster
MischaPop · 26/08/2018 16:52

The evening usually just involves Christmas activities and lots of walking around the grounds taking in the Christmassy atmosphere! There is also always a sit down meal in the afternoon before we go which they are also invited to.

As far as I know DM has discussed our prior visits with her friend and the friend has seen pictures on Facebook of previous visits, really fancies going herself so DM has invited friend and her husband.

The proposed date for this year is December 14th and DM's birthday is December 16th so she has also pulled the 'but it's for my birthday' line. But it's a Christmas event.

I'm really not keen on them coming. I'm sure they're a lovely couple but I think it should just be family. Feeling guilty about DM's reaction!

OP posts:
BlueBug45 · 26/08/2018 16:53

OP why has she invited them? Are they from overseas?

greendale17 · 26/08/2018 16:54

I agree with you OP, it will change the dynamic and considering it is a couple it’s not like they will be on their own at Christmas

Original poster
MischaPop · 26/08/2018 16:55

No they're not from overseas or recently bereaved or lonely, it's just a friend she works with and her husband.

I have tried to think the more the merrier but to be honest I'm still not keen...

OP posts:
TheSpottedZebra · 26/08/2018 16:56

What? It's not even at Christmas proper, it's 2 weeks before?
Yup, YABU.

Maelstrop · 26/08/2018 16:58

Bit tricky now they’ve been invited. I’d say you’re gonna have to suck it up but ask dm not to do it again next year.

ilovesooty · 26/08/2018 16:58

Perhaps she should have run it by the others and as it isn't over the Christmas period it's nothing to do with being on their own.

You might enjoy their company though, and it is just before your mother's birthday.

Original poster
MischaPop · 26/08/2018 16:59

Yes I should have made that more clear. It's not Christmas Day it is an event beforehand!

OP posts:
speakout · 26/08/2018 16:59

Chill.

happypoobum · 26/08/2018 16:59

I think YABU to be honest.

It's a pre Christmas Event, it does coincide with DM birthday, and I don't understand why you think you have the power to veto who does and doesn't attend.

mosessupposes · 26/08/2018 17:00

I don't understand.

How is this a small family event? It's a public event at a museum.

It sounds very nice, but I don't see how you can describe it as a family event. It's not even on Christmas eve or Christmas day. It's just a random date you pick in December. I think you should be a bit more flexible.

Bluelady · 26/08/2018 17:02

Beamish is huge! You were hardly going to have an intimate little family soirée. Why can't your mum invite who she likes?

redshoeblueshoe · 26/08/2018 17:05

I'm sure Beamish can cope with 2 more guests, and it sounds lovely
I think I'll come along too Grin

Elementtree · 26/08/2018 17:05

You are being precious.

rwalker · 26/08/2018 17:06

you love it your dm might of had enough of going and doing the same thing every year.