To Not Want Strangers to Join a Small Family Event?

[MischaPop]

One of our Christmas family traditions is to go to a Christmas event at a local attraction. Usually as well as myself there is DP, DS, DM, DF, DMIL and DSis attend (Also sometimes DSis partner) We are looking to book for Christmas 2018 and DM has invited a couple that nobody else has met. I have told her I would rather keep it to family only. DP and DSis agree. I just think two strangers coming along changes the dynamic quite a bit! Would like opinions on whether IBU. DM is not happy that I would prefer her friends didn't join.
(Post edited by MNHQ)

Well, she might have made sure the rest of us liked her, or at least had met her!!

Your sister invited her friend to her house at Christmas? Cheeky fucker, how dare she?

And not just that, TALKED TO HER BROTHER!!!

No, not to HER brother, to MY brother, whom I hadn't seen for over a year!!

I think if you are hosting an event like Christmas dinner - you can invite whoever you want.

Similar if like Op you are organising an event and buying tickets - I do think it's slightly rude to just say to that person - oh get two more tickets as I've invited others.

If DM is doing meal beforehand booking or cooking, then I don't see that as rude to invite others - though they could perhaps have ordered their own tickets as that’s fairly straightforward – ( I hate ordering tickets for non-family people as getting agreed money of some can be very awkward).

I don’t think she can uninvited so this year I’d make the best and if it’s terrible maybe do something else in future – at least don’t end up in same situation next year.

I'd feel the same as you OP. It's an introvert/extrovert thing.
DD1 and I like to keep things in the family, or as arranged. DS and DD2 are 'the more the merrier' type and find our view baffling.
There's no right or wrong so just put up with it this year but make sure DM knows you're not happy about it but it's ok just this once.
OP's not a misery or antisocial, she just wants to keep it to family.

There's about 8 of you, excluding this couple? If that's the case, the dinner wouldn't be hat intimate an affair - you'd only really be able to talk to about 5 others. They can sit at the end of the table and your mum can chat to them or you might find they are a really lovely couple that make the whole day fabulous. The fact that it's a public place with lots of others there does make me think YABU. Sorry

Your sister invited her friend to her house at Christmas? Cheeky fucker, how dare she?

Can't imagine why she'd do this....

You meanie!!!

There'll be loads of other people at Beamish too, did you think you'd have the place to yourself.

Maybe your mum thinks your boring and wants some better company.

Blimey it's a public event

Thought you'd got it exclusively

DS is 7.

The sarcastic comments are quite funny. Of course I didn't think I'd have it to myself and I'm aware there will be so many many strangers there. I would have just preferred to go with the usual family rather than have additions that would change the dynamic.

DM is not hosting the meal beforehand we'll be eating out.

Your take on exclusivity is quite funny too

Well, I think it's a lovely way to meet new people... be nice- you may really get on.

Who’s paying for the tickets OP?

I'd send her her tickets and leave her to go round with her friends herself while I went round with the rest of the family.

I’m with you OP- woukdn’t want some people you dont know thrre changing the dynamics. YANBU.

I would have just preferred to go with the usual family rather than have additions that would change the dynamic.

You do sound like a dreadful stick in the mud. It's very boring to live life in a "We've always done it that way" fashion. If we all did that nothing would ever change or evolve.

Give it a go OP - be brave

I just looked this up, I had assumed this meant you always hire out the museum just for your family. If it's a big public event you probably won't even notice the extra couple are even there.

On another note my family have a tradition of bringing along non-family guests on "family" occasions like Christmas or holidays. We find it keeps everyone on much better behaviour!!

I would be reimbursed for the extra tickets.

In response to a previous question it's neither a tradition either I or DM is responsible for as such. We've just all gone as a family for the last 4 years.

I have spoken to DM about this. Her friends are coming. I explained my initial thoughts but as others have mentioned I wouldn't insist they were uninvited.

My reason for posting was to gain others perspective after all!

Is there any scope for them to come to the event and not the meal? Is it the Beamish bit they’re interested in or the whole lot?

We have been invited for thanksgiving dinner by a lady who hadn't met us before she extended the invitation, my dh works with hers. Four of us will be gate crashing their actual day. Hopefully there won't be someone like NicolaMarlow1 there or it could get very awkward ! I'm not terribly extrovert but I think that makes mixing with others more not less important.

If it’s an event that’s only been going for 4 years I don’t think you can claim this as a family tradition.

I’d just suck this up and hopefully enjoy the company of your DMs friends.

Seems odd, but perhaps it's dm's way of indicating she finds the just family dynamics let's say limiting. Alternatively maybe this couple are lonely, no family to share the festive season with. We were invited to an almost stranger's to share thanksgiving when we moved to the USA because she didn't want us to be alone - so thoughtful, but a bit awkward as everyone else was family. Try it this year, if it's not a success then speak to you dm and tell her never again

I don't think it's reasonable to elevate an event that's happened for the last four years to tradition status which can't have any changes or variations.