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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To Not Want Strangers to Join a Small Family Event?

127 replies

MischaPop · 26/08/2018 16:42

One of our Christmas family traditions is to go to a Christmas event at a local attraction. Usually as well as myself there is DP, DS, DM, DF, DMIL and DSis attend (Also sometimes DSis partner) We are looking to book for Christmas 2018 and DM has invited a couple that nobody else has met. I have told her I would rather keep it to family only. DP and DSis agree. I just think two strangers coming along changes the dynamic quite a bit! Would like opinions on whether IBU. DM is not happy that I would prefer her friends didn't join.
(Post edited by MNHQ)

OP posts:
Myimaginarycathasfleas · 26/08/2018 17:08

She ought really to have run it by you all first, but if she’s treating it as her birthday celebration why don’t you, for this year at least? Next year though, have the discussion before you book anything. If she wants to do something with her friends, she can do it without the rest of the family in tow.

viques · 26/08/2018 17:08

As they say, all life is here on MN. It's always interesting to peer inside other people's lives and think wtf though.

GorgonLondon · 26/08/2018 17:08

Are you one of those people who thinks Christmas lasts for an entire month rather than one day?

All sounds a bit pathetic and mean to me. Will you not see your family on any other days during December?

katielouise3 · 26/08/2018 17:09

Wow, you sound miserable and anti-social @Mischapop . Hmm

I wouldn't mind at ALL. If it bothers you that much, then why don't YOU stay home, (with your equally grumpy DP and sister,) and let the rest of your family enjoy themselves with the couple invited?! Wink

lowtide · 26/08/2018 17:09

Bit unkind. Just because they’re a couple doesn’t mean they aren’t lonely and would love to do something Christmassy with other people.
You should embrace it. You might find that it does you good to be open hearted.
Lots of people are alone and feel lonely. How awful if you made them feel unwelcome

InspectorIkmen · 26/08/2018 17:09

Nope - sorry OP but you are being unbelievably precious. She hasn't invited them to be present at the birth of your first child ffs - it's a public event in a public place. That's all there is to it. She might want someone there who she can talk to on a different level but whatever - it's just not up to you who goes.

LittleDoritt · 26/08/2018 17:09

I would hate that. But I am notoriously anti social.

Tawdrylocalbrouhaha · 26/08/2018 17:09

I would probably feel the same at first, especially having been given no say in the decision to invite them.

BUT, I've learnt from similar experiences that introducing random outsiders can actually make close family gatherings more fun. I think we perform better with an audience - it livens us up.

ilovesooty · 26/08/2018 17:10

Book your mother and her friends on a separate table at the opposite side of the room. That'll teach her to sully your family gathering with strangers. Grin

Banana8080 · 26/08/2018 17:13

Hardly the spirit of Christmas...Mary and Joseph clearly wouldn’t have been welcome at your harth.

Original poster
MischaPop · 26/08/2018 17:14

Thanks for the responses. I'm prepared to accept that I am being unreasonable if that's the case.

The meal beforehand makes it a bit more of an intimate atmosphere - It would include this also. DP is very shy and doesn't do well with people he doesn't know which I have considered.

I always seem to be the one that organises and books things - So DM basically said make sure you buy two more tickets which I just felt was a bit cheeky.

OP posts:
Changedmynametoolikeyou · 26/08/2018 17:17

This morning my family were invited to an event that is a yearly family tradition for friends of ours. There was a father and mother, two of their children and their partners and children. And us. The father had invited us and our children without telling the others. They were so friendly and welcoming to us and we had a wonderful time. We have no family close to us (in any sense) and it was so nice to be included. We have arranged to meet up with one of the daughters and her kids tomorrow.

You are so lucky to have family traditions like this. Maybe your mil has her own reasons for inviting them. Be kind.

bridgetreilly · 26/08/2018 17:19

It's December 14th, not Christmas Day! Get over yourselves.

lowtide · 26/08/2018 17:19

I guess if your dp is shy it’s ok

MaryandMichael · 26/08/2018 17:20

You are right, OP.
Your DM has changed the nature of the event from 'family' to 'all-comers'.
Is it 'her' event? Always done her way, at her behest? If so, that might have made her think she had the right to change things.
You would be perfectly reasonable not to attend, if you think you, your DH or DS would be uncomfortable. Is there another day when you could go, without your DM?
Or, are there friends that you and others in the party might like to invite along, too, to make it more enjoyable for you?

Amanduh · 26/08/2018 17:20

Yab ridiculous. It’s a trip to a museum ffs.

SassitudeandSparkle · 26/08/2018 17:20

OP, I can see that you would like to keep it to your usual crowd but you said DMIL in your original post - your MIL attends? Your definition of family includes both of your sides and your sister's partner (absolutely fine) but if your mum tries to extend an invitation to her friends that's not on? That's a little unreasonable IMO.

It would have been better if she'd have checked first with everyone, but OTOH you'd probably have been hurt if she wanted to go with someone else for a change. Traditions can flex (and I'm a big Christmas fan!).

Elementtree · 26/08/2018 17:21

Surely it have been cheeky if she told you to get two more tickets?

It's hardly as though your dp will be Billy no mates with their mum and sister at the table.

MrStarkIDontFeelSoGood · 26/08/2018 17:22

I can see both sides of this argument actually

You :

This is one of our Christmas family traditions and it should stay that way, your siblings agree. I get that certain things become almost the law within family at Christmas due to the tradition.

Her :

"Oh Janet and Roy, I've been going to this lovely Christmas event at Beamish for years, you'd really enjoy it."

"yes, we'd like to join you"

You : Well thanks very much for asking Mum!

I don't think either of you has done anything wrong here but what an awkward spot

She can't very well uninvite then and say it's at your request, it would be the height of rudeness. She should have asked but I think you'll have to suck it up.

TheIcon · 26/08/2018 17:24

Just don't buy the extra tickets.

Confusedbeetle · 26/08/2018 17:28

I see no harm in it. Why should your mum not invite her friends to a pre-Christmas social? She clearly would enjoy their company. Anyway, she has already invited them so its mean to object. Isn't Christmas meant to be inclusive? You might enjoy it. Don't be a killjoy

LondonJax · 26/08/2018 17:29

What would happen if your MIL had said to the couple 'we're going to Beamish on 14th' and they'd booked their own tickets? As it's a public event that's a likely scenario isn't it? They could have just 'bumped' into you. You couldn't really have stopped them from tagging along in the walk could you?

I agree it would have been nice to have been asked and maybe it's something to take up with her ready for next year.

Original poster
MischaPop · 26/08/2018 17:30

Yes I am expected to purchase the two extra tickets when I order everyone else's. I wasn't asked if this was okay it was just expected which I have to be honest did annoy me. It was just a case of and are coming this year make sure you get two more tickets!

I will just go with it though. To clarify from DP's family it is just his mum attending. It's my sister mentioned in the post.

OP posts:
pictish · 26/08/2018 17:32

It’s not a small family event. It’s a big public event.
Why are you being so Edward and Tubs about it? It’s not a local shop for local people.

Dermymc · 26/08/2018 17:35

Oh gosh what an over reaction by you OP. The more the merrier in my camp. Me and my family don't consider it a day out unless we have a randomer with us!