Brave The Shave - NOT IN MY NAME

[TwitterQueen1]

I know IANBU but posting here for traffic.

I see Macmillan is now advertising BTS on tv. It doesn't seem to matter how many of us protest that the whole campaign:

• is extremely offensive and upsetting
• trivialises and minimises the effects of chemo
• claims that it makes people understand what it's like to have cancer

Would you paint black and bruises on your face to 'show support' for victims of DV?

Would you tie one leg behind your back and hop around town to 'show support' for those with disabilities?

• Do you know that Macmillan are asking those who've done BTS is "How are enjoying your new look?" or even worse - "Hope you're enjoying your new look!" WT actual Fuck. I mean, us cancer patients absolutely ADORE losing all our hair and feeling like total shit for months.... and random healthy strangers indulging in narcissistic, attention-grabbing stunts makes us feel even better.

And (in response to my complaint) these offensive statements apparently fall within Macmillan's social media guidelines'?

Bathe in baked beans, run marathons, walk a mile, hold coffee mornings.... do ANYTHING ELSE, but don't pretend for a second that shaving your head helps you understand how cancer patients feel. You have absolutely no idea at all. None.

I agree op, female-focused campaigns like the bc boob-obsessed pinkwashing are a lot of cheerleading about how cancer treatment might change your appearance, as though you won't/shouldn't be a bit more put out about the potentially losing your life part.

There are a lot of people quietly enduring their 'cancer journey' whose appearance hasn't changed dramatically or who might be camoflaging the changes. I suspect that some people shaving their heads will have a false sense of empathy that implies more knowledge about cancer treatment than most people have or want.

My mum was on a chemo regimen that didn't affect her hair but it did result in her body being riddled with blood clots which almost killed her and required a year of treatment under a specialist and medicine for the rest of her life. She was told her drugs were known as 'chemo-lite' (I guess because no hair loss?) but in fact they turned out to be complete bastards.

I have so much more to say about this but to be fair I have made my own assumptions about what others are going through. A friend who is being treated for cancer declined an invitation and I said something ridiculously sombre about it. Our mutual friend looked at me like and said something like 'Er, she's just tired because she has a new puppy.'

for you op.

@TwitterQueen1 good new thread. As you know I've just had my first session of chemo. I spoke to my mum earlier about everything and she said what calls out to her most about all the ads on tv at the moment is that we need some normality amongst this horrid illness. It's not catching, no one actually talks about it enough until we experience it. It's something personal but also needs to be in the public eye for fundraising.
Although I've had a request for when I'm allowed to swim again .... as a homage to the cold cap a early morning sponsored outdoor swim wearing a swimming cap filled with ice cubes, maybe get it down to those minus 5 degrees as well just for good measure. Would that be a better idea that BTS?! And yes, I'll be wearing anything but pink.
On another subject what about the lulu Guinness collaboration with the straighteners!! I nearly spat my tea out when I saw that!

EXACTLY TwitterQueen.

I totally agree with you OP! It's a stupid bloody advertising campaign.

Do people who do this actually think they are "showing support"? No it's sodding well not. You aren't going to spend months or years not knowing if you are going to live or die, you are not in constant pain..

It's all just another"look at me! I shaved off my lovely hair! Aren't I caring person!" bunch of bollocks for today's Facebook and Instagram likes.

Show support by being there for the person who is going through chemo. Make them dinners for when they are too tired to cook, tidy up for them when they can't get off the sofa or are in hospital. Send them a funny card or just a note to say you are thinking of them. Visit a hospice with fresh flowers or just turn up to sit with someone going through their last days and hold their hand and stroke their head.

I've lost my mum and nan to cancer and a couple of close friends, there is nothing "brave" about just shaving your hair off FFS.

I've an idea Macmillan! How about next year you promote a "Brave the last days" campaign.

You can ask those "amazingly brave non cancer suffering people" who want to "show support" to undergo a couple of weeks being bed ridden, unable to get out of bed to use the loo so soiling themselves and not being able to swallow even water whilst someone inflicts pain on you 24/7. All done in either a Hospice or hospital bed miles away from your home to make it hard for people to visit you because the Macmillan staff have told your family members you are "too far gone" to be cared for by them at home.

What was that Macm? Not sexee enough? You don't think people will want to do that because it might cause them actual physical pain?

No shit Sherlock.

Also the "brave" bit makes me feel so sad and cross. As my mum said to the Macmillan nurse who told her "she was being so brave"... Oh do fuck off dear.

OP YA sooooo NBU. Totally agree.

You could call marathon running a narcissistic, attention-grabbing stunt.

It might be bad taste, even insensitive, but I think you have to give people the benefit of doubt that they are acting in good faith by trying to raise money.

I'm really surprised by this campaign as Macmillan's tone of voice guide is extremely sensitive and well thought out (ie no talk of "battling" or "losing fights"). This smacks of a new marketing manager trying to make a splash.

Completely agree with the OP, I find the whole campaign really insensitive. Maybe not everyone doing it is attention seeking, but that's how it comes across to me.
I had chemo in 2010 and quickly had a 'cancer face', amazing how much difference eyebrows and eyelashes make. I wore a wig which was ok if itchy, although carelessly opening an oven door could be dangerous! Happily my hair did grow back, but it is certainly thinner ( I hate standing in toilets with harsh overhead lighting!).
I had similar negative feelings towards to make up free selfie campaign. I know it generated a lot of cash for charity but it's meaningless and as far removed from what cancer patients suffer as sitting in a bath of baked beans.
Also agree with the poster who said they didn't think there'd anywhere near as many people doing it if it wasn't for social media.

If Macmillan ran a campaign that said “There But By the Grace give us a tenner” it’d be less insensitive.
They'd probably actually make more money too. People are catching on to the narcissism involved and aren't forking out, but if you're saying to someone with no frills, no selfie-taking, just 'it could be you, be grateful it isn't right now' then you're talking to their conscience. Added to which it would actually focus attention back onto cancer and not onto someone's latest attention-seeking fad.

Former professional charity fundraiser here. If cancer patients think Macmillan have got it wrong on this one, then they have got it wrong.

However - it's very hard to come up with something that will get people fundraising when the public is apathetic and attention drawn elsewhere. Charities are trying to find a way to start viral campaigns but they have to be just the right balance of taking people out of their comfort zone, touching on something to do with the fundraising cause but not so gloomy that people don't want to get involved. Plus it has to be easy for people to organise.

The whole attention seeking thing is kind of the point - charities need to be known in order to start people on the journey to regular donations, this kind of stunt-based fundraising reaches new audiences who can then be drawn into giving more regularly and learning more about the cause.

If Macmillan ran a campaign that said “There But By the Grace give us a tenner” it’d be less insensitive.

There you go Cholka perfect in every way.

Non-bald chemo patient here. May still lose it, and terrified of that. It’s thin and really unattractive, but there.

I couldn’t hate this campaign more. I have a ton of really REALLY upsetting chemo side effects which have nothing to do with my hair, along with the non stop emotional rollercoaster that is a stage 4 diagnosis at 33.

Shaving your head does not show any solidarity with me.

No wine, you can't call running a marathon a narcissistic, attention-grabbing stunt because the person doing it is not pretending that they understand what it feels like to have cancer. They're not mimicking the effects of chemo, they're not being lauded for 'acting as if', they're not changing their appearance or their lifestyle.

Agree completely with you, OP.

Cancer Resarch have an excellent point but it should have been part of the same campaign that some of the cancer treatment itself can cause weight gain

This is a really good point. I didn’t ask for
The weight gain and don’t want to be judged on it. Or the early menopause coming to that. Or any of the other shit!

I know someone who did it and live streamed it on social media, talking about how scared she was. My husband has a number 1 cut all over and her hair didn’t end up as short as his. After about a week, she started wearing a wig, then got extensions when it had grown back enough. She’s made comments on Facebook about shaving it again “because it’s so much easier” Bit different when you have a choice!

On a really small level, when I was going through treatment, and for a year or so afterwards, friends and family had a daft thing going whereby if they were doing anything, well, frivolous, I suppose they put a fiver in the pot.
Going out with friends for a curry? Stick a fiver in the pot. Going on a luxury cruise? Stick a fiver in the pot.
We called it the 'Piss Pot' ( simply because we were pissed off with not just me, but a couple of people in our social circle being diagnosed).

In three years we raised over £3k. No fanfares, no over the top gestures and no bankrupting ourselves.

So the 'there by the grace of God' fund does it for me 😁

I agree. Am a HCP with Macmillan in my job title! A number of us discussed this with the fundraising team at an annual conference Macmillan do for us. They said they'd "take our comments on board". This was last year, so guess someone somewhere still thinks it's a money earner.

Unfortunately, it seems to me, the larger the charity with the bigger the fundraising budget, the less interested they are in the opinions of their stakeholders. The result is that the fundraising team has the power to effectively just get on with it and do what they want. I am extremely lucky to have no immediately personal experience of cancer, but I do of extreme prematurity. One of the baby charities has repeatedly produced campaigns that have offended me and others in my situation, and when we raised our concerns with the charity it simply wasn't interested. It wanted to raise money and get attention but didn't seem to care how it did it. This is very likely the same with BTS - did Macmillan actually discuss the concept with their stakeholders and did they listen to their answers?

BTW, I am a professional charity fundraiser for a tiny charity with a tiny budget. Without our stakeholders we are nothing, and I hope our compassion shines through for them during our budget on a shoestring campaigns and fundraising.

to all of you affected by cancer, chemo and everything that goes with them x

I agree OP

Thankyou to all the previous posters who have articulated my thoughts more eloquently than I could ever put down on paper.
My Mum died of metastatic breast cancer 5 years ago, and I’ve had trouble putting my thoughts on BTS together. It just doesn’t sit right with me at all.
and whatever doesn’t taste like crap to those who are going through it at the mo.
“If you’re going through Hell, keep going!”

Totally agree.
Macmillan's whole fundraising strategy is sick imo. The asverts are triggering to those with cancer and their families and bereaved people. Someone with cancer sat having their tea and seeing that on telly, having had a good day, must be plunged back into the abyss.
BTS is also highly distasteful. Like the analogy to DV and disability.

I agree with you in principle but your aggressive attitude is unpleasant and unnecessary. You don't have a monopoly on cancer and the agony and distress it generates.

I'm now laughing at the 2 posters who have posted this.... I'm SO sorry if my aggression is upsetting you... [not]. I should of course be sitting quietly in a corner being terribly polite and muttering quietly to myself and being a good, quiet cancer patient.

And, for the record, I don't claim to have a monopoly on cancer or on agony or distress. This post is about one specific campaign that I strongly disagree with.

This has made me quite sad

For those of you suffering in any way, I wish you all the love and strength in the world.

I shave my head. Am I an attention seeker? Not consciously, no; it does provoke opinion though. Do I profess to understand how people suffering illness and unwanted hair loss feel? No, of course not. It's just my style of choice

DHs mum died of breast cancer in 1973 Exactly six weeks before i was born so i never met her. She was 46 DH was 23 at the time.