Brave The Shave - NOT IN MY NAME

[TwitterQueen1]

I know IANBU but posting here for traffic.

I see Macmillan is now advertising BTS on tv. It doesn't seem to matter how many of us protest that the whole campaign:

• is extremely offensive and upsetting
• trivialises and minimises the effects of chemo
• claims that it makes people understand what it's like to have cancer

Would you paint black and bruises on your face to 'show support' for victims of DV?

Would you tie one leg behind your back and hop around town to 'show support' for those with disabilities?

• Do you know that Macmillan are asking those who've done BTS is "How are enjoying your new look?" or even worse - "Hope you're enjoying your new look!" WT actual Fuck. I mean, us cancer patients absolutely ADORE losing all our hair and feeling like total shit for months.... and random healthy strangers indulging in narcissistic, attention-grabbing stunts makes us feel even better.

And (in response to my complaint) these offensive statements apparently fall within Macmillan's social media guidelines'?

Bathe in baked beans, run marathons, walk a mile, hold coffee mornings.... do ANYTHING ELSE, but don't pretend for a second that shaving your head helps you understand how cancer patients feel. You have absolutely no idea at all. None.

I agree totally with you, OP. I went through a course of chemo last year, and as a man, found the hair loss aspect just as distressing as anyone else would.

I really can’t see how shaving your hair can make someone more empathetic towards someone who has actually undergone chemo. I have seen people on social media before now who have done this, asking for donations etc - and I’ll be honest, it does seem a bit attention seeking in some cases. However, I can, in some cases see why people might feel comforted by doing something like this, say for example if a friend or relative was unwell.

Like @Pickleypickles I agree that it is absolutely fine for someone actually havimg chemo to shave their hair before treatment to raise money and awareness - I just think there is a real difference between doing this as someone with experience of the treatment and as someone with little personal experience.

Agree OP although those who do it are well meaning.

Heard a really interesting programme recently (on R4 I think) which was about the weird obsession with having to 'do' something in order to justify giving money to charity. Why not just give the money? You don't need to shave your head or do a run or stop drinking for January. Just give money direct without the nonsense. If you want to 'do' something, actually lend your support to the charity or people in need.

Yes Fuzzy I didn't touch on the whole 'brave' thing... which is also horribly offensive. I think I'm in the majority in saying that many cancer patients HATE being called brave. We're not brave at all. We're monstrously shit scared most of the time, afraid of pain (even though all the medics work wonders in alleviating this) and in despair at the thought of leaving loved ones behind. Brave? No. There just isn't any option.

So 'Brave' the shave is offensive on that level too. Those who do it are most definitely not brave, just misguided.

Pandora it WILL come back.

I think what nostaples says sums it up- giving to charity is great and supporting someone/ charity in a way that you can is great- you just don’t need Vegas lights and a brass band to show you care. Someone’s donation should not detract from the cause.

OP so sorry you’re having a rough time and hope you’re on the road to recovery.

I dislike it too, and all that 'fighting' talk mentioned upthread. So and so can 'kick cancer's ass' because she's a 'fighter', etc.

As a woman who has had cancer twice, lost my hair and it failed to grow back properly so now every blooming day when I look in the mirror it is slap in the face and often reduces me to a sobbing mess.
I fail to see how shaving your head actually helps anyone.

I have close friends who suffer alopecia and feel the same way.

Fundraise in any way you wish but please do not use it to undermine or diminish how patients feel. One of the few positives I can find is perhaps less people will stare, tut or comment when they see a bald person and may have a little more empathy for the way cancer (and other) patients are treated.

Yes cancer makes you angry to your core with trite comments and attention seeking behaviour.

I have seen my loved ones sob when I lost my hair, sat while my husband shaved my head with shakey hands, and live with that forever haunting shadow in my mind. Cancer is a destructive force like few others, and it never ever truly leaves anyone touched by it

TwitterQueen1 I wish you well lovely xx

My Mum despised the “Brave the Shave” campaign, absolutely hated it.

She didn’t want to be called brave, or heroic or any of the other trite bullshit that gets trotted out, she wanted to live.

OP I wish you all the very best, for what it’s worth. I hope that bastard disease is gone soon.

And ignore spiteful comments about your anger. You're absolutely entitled to be angry. It's a healthy reaction to the shit you're going through.

Lima apologies - my post has been pretty much female-focused but of course, it's no different for men, it's just as distressing.

I agree. Am a HCP with Macmillan in my job title! A number of us discussed this with the fundraising team at an annual conference Macmillan do for us. They said they'd "take our comments on board". This was last year, so guess someone somewhere still thinks it's a money earner.
Those if you with personal experience have very eloquently described the reality of hair loss from chemo and the stark contrast with this campaign.

....and don't even get me started on the brave bit!!

Im very happy to donate but i wouldnt shave my head. I once got told that "everyone should do it" by a woman in a supermarket queue whose young daughter had done it. I also saw people attempting to bully others into doing the ice bucket challenge. I dont like this new "chullying"

Our least favourite phrases in this cancer journey have been "stay strong and keep positive". They give me the absolute RAGE (and I have called several people out on this)

If I can't fall apart now, then when can I?

And of course, if only people could be a bit more cheery then their cancer would get all better, wouldn't it?

And if only you fought a bit harder then you wouldn't die., would you?

These words are a sop to the speaker and I think the real meaning is "Don't fall apart in front of me because I am afraid of cancer and afraid of you and afraid of your reaction....and I'm so glad it's not me"

I don’t think anyone does it to make you feel like you have cancer. The aim is to donate hair to make wigs for cancer patients if they choose to wear them and it is a very easy way to raise thousands of pounds. I agree it isn’t the most tasteful way and not the way I would choose to raise money but it is very effective. £16.8 million since 2015 with Macmillan alone looking at thier website which is a huge amount of money. I am sure there are people who do charity events for the glory and attention but every fundraiser I have met has done it because a loved one has been helped by the charity they are supporting and what to give something back.

I completely agree, OP Completely.

I think it falls into the category of 'just because it rhymes doesn't make it a great idea'.

Don't get me started on Macmillan. They shamelessly cashed in on the ice bucket challenge even though it was for ALS/motor neurone disease as well.

They have huge brand recognition too although most HCP with Macmillan badges are fully paid for by the NHS.

The aim of the campaign is to raise money to fund Macmillan services, not to make wigs.

I think hair for donation has to be at least 6 inches long, which would exclude many people from head shaving for that reason.

I also agree OP. Going through chemo and feeling like crap is bad enough but to lose your hair is awful. I hated it when I went through chemo. I used to have dreams about my hair when I was completely bald. Nine years in from diagnosis it was one of the hardest things about the treatment.

Can somebody write to Macmillan with a link to this thread?

Oh and NHS wigs for cancer patients are not made of real hair and cost I think, about £70 each if you're eligible for a discount. And there's nothing for men.

That's interesting madamy It's good to know that you understand and are waving the flag for us nay-sayers. Though as an HCP you would of course know more than most - as do all the nurses who help with cold-capping.

No problem @TwitterQueen1 - I can completely appreciate that chemo is distressing for anyone.

The thing that annoyed me the most in my case was that loads of my family did Brave the Shave, put messages and photos all over Facebook, and very few have actually asked me how I’m doing etc since my transplant!

It's not something I've ever really thought about, but I can totally understand why you and other people who have lost their hair would feel like that OP. I will be mindful in future. Big hugs and all the best. X

It isn’t just having a bald head though is it? You lose ALL your hair, including your eyelashes and nose hair and your nails.

Everyone I know that’s had cancer and chemo said that the point your hair drops and the moment you have to shave it is one of the profoundly awful moments as from that point everyone knows you’re sick.

It’s not a matter for entertainment or me-me!

If Macmillan ran a campaign that said “There But By the Grace give us a tenner” it’d be less insensitive.

I wish all you sufferers a speedy recovery.